


The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

by Mistress_Kalamity



Series: My Heart's To Blame [3]
Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Epilepsy, M/M, Torg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:57:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8095966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistress_Kalamity/pseuds/Mistress_Kalamity
Summary: I wrote this on Tokio Hotel Fiction and people enjoyed it, so I brought all 14 chapters here for you guys to enjoy. There are also some one shots to, I have to upload those as well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Behind My Eyelids Are Islands Of Violence](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3487997) by [whisperingwind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whisperingwind/pseuds/whisperingwind). 



> I wrote this on Tokio Hotel Fiction and people enjoyed it, so I brought all 14 chapters here for you guys to enjoy. There are also some one shots to, I have to upload those as well.

It's been years since Tom's been comfortable just cuddling with his boyfriend. With the fame, he's only allowed to do certain things with certain people. He had to be seen with random women and make misogynistic comments about them. This one time he finally got the chance to be alone with Georg in closed quarters and he is going to take full advantage of it. They have to perform for screaming fans but at the moment, he just wants to stay in the solitude. Stay in a place where he can be true to himself and not put on a mask. A mask that made him out to be a rich playboy who'd rather pay for sex than actually settle down. 

The green room door opens and Bill skips in with his makeup fully done. He cooes at the happy couple and feels like shit that he has to break them up. 

“So, we have thirty till curtain,” Bill smiles. 

“Thanks bro. I'll go get dressed then,” Tom sighs. 

He hates that he has to leave Georg but it's his job. Georg watches very intensively as Tom's stripping his outside clothes for the tour costume. He licks his lips as he comes across Tom's toned stomach muscles and his muscular biceps. The younger male isn't as developed as him but he's still pretty well built. He loves that he can easily hold the younger male and not feel like he's holding a rock. He's dated guys like that before, brutal. 

Once he's done dressing, they both go out to grab their instruments and get in their positions. Tom shoots a smile at Georg and then goes to plug in. 

“You sure like smiling at my brother,” Bill chirps. 

“Would you shut it? I know it's a little bizarre to see me be affectionate,” Georg huffs. 

“Nah, it's just a little bizarre to see my brother being _adorable_. He criticizes me for it sometimes and here he is acting like a chick in his gay relationship.”

Georg plugs his bass into the wireless box and sighs. He knows that Bill is right. In interviews Tom's personality is borderline criminal. The way he talks about women and how he has to spout such perverted views that he himself doesn't agree with. That's the tip of the iceberg however. 

After a very successful show, the boys all retreat to their bus for a wind down session. Bill and Tom each sit at the little table on their respective sides. Bill is invested in his vogue magazine and Tom's eating a bowl of Froot Loops while scrolling through his iPhone. Georg's challenged Gustav to a game of NFL Madden. It's pretty chill and no one's really talking, minus the swearing coming from Gustav when Georg has a successful play. The bus is driving at a moderate speed as it heads to their final destination before the ending of press tours. 

_CLANG_

Everyone looks up because Tom's dropped his spoon on the table. Georg puts down the controller and quickly sits next to his boyfriend. Tom looks behind himself while his right arm jerks. 

“Shh, it's okay. Come back to me. You're doing real good, honey.”

Everyone's holding their breath until the guitar player turns back to face the bowl of cereal with a look of shame. 

“Hey, are you back with us?”

“I feel sick,” Tom mumbles. 

“Okay, I'll take you to the bathroom.”

The other two watch in silence as Georg takes Tom to the small restroom on their bus to most likely vomit. Bill pulls out the tracker notebook from the cabinet beneath the seat and scribbles in the event that happened just moments ago. He gets up and steps into the doorway to see Georg holding back Tom's braids while he pukes into the toilet. His twin merely sighs and sits down on the floor next to his vomiting brother, rubbing his arm. 

“You're going to be okay, Tomi,” Bill cooes. 

It's pretty much a breeze from their. They help Tom get cleaned up and they take him to his bunk to rest. The three remaining members all sit in the lounge and stare at various points on the bus. The silence is scary and very tense. Georg twiddles his thumbs and Bill messes with his acrylic nails. 

“That's the fourth one this week,” Bill says silently. 

“I don't understand why, he's been taking all the right medications,” Georg adds. 

“That doesn't mean anything, Georg. As kids this same thing happened and mom had to take him into the doctors to get new stuff. His old regimen might not be working anymore.”

Georg rubs his eyebrows and lays his head back on the cushion. He's clearly stressed and all he can do on the situation is breathe and try to think. He's got a growing headache and is even contemplating postponing the final show to a later date or just canceling it. As if he can sense what the older male is thinking, Bill shakes his head. 

“But we aren't canceling the show, Tom's going to be pissed if we do that.”

“Bill, your brother needs rest. This week has been proof of that.”

“I know but Tom made me promise that I wouldn't allow his seizures to cause any band conflicts. That includes canceled shows, now we'll do this final performance and then we'll head right back home and take a break.”

Georg looks at Bill in complete disbelief but doesn't say anything since he knows that who would know Tom better than his twin. 

“Fine, but we better be heading home after this show.”

“Oh I'll make sure of it.”

••••••••••

Tom's so thrilled to finally be heading home. Home to Germany where he and Georg can live as they want. Of course there's some things to handle in NYC first. Quick little appearances and such and then it's off to Germany for a break. Tom's been thinking of many exciting things that he and Georg can do while they relax for the break. Their pitstop breezes pass and soon they're packing all their stuff up for the flight back home. Tom's extra meticulous about it because after the eight hour flight, he's going to take Georg out for dinner and then they're going to watch cheesy movies while cuddled up. He can't have anything go wrong.

That's why he didn't tell Georg that he's feeling off. He's been fighting a persistent headache and he even zoned out at some point, real bad too. Bill joked that they've been running on fumes, Georg didn't notice that comment was directed at Tom. He just assumed Bill was being Bill. He folds his final shirt and closes the suitcase. He knows he doesn't have to carry a thing because that's what the help and whatnot is for. He grabs his satchel off the bed and exits the hotel room. His eyes catch sight of a crowd that has formed right outside the hotel. 

“Uh guys!” Tom calls. 

They each run out of their rooms, fearing the worse when they hear the guitarist calling. Bill sighs with relief when he sees that Tom's still vertical. 

“What's up Tomi?” Bill asks. 

He points out the window and the other three go to see what's got him so bothered. 

“That sure is a lot of people,” Gustav says. 

“Photographers too,” Georg adds. 

“Does security know?” Bill asks. 

“Well they should. They're _security_ for a reason,” Tom says. 

“Well I'm going to go alert them,” Bill says before he runs off. 

Georg walks over to Tom places a hand on his shoulder. 

“Are you gonna be alright?”

“There isn't much sidewalk between the door and the car. As long as I run and look straight ahead I should be fine.”

“Maybe we should go out the back door.”

“And leave all those girls for Gustav and Bill?!They'll be swarmed, especially Bill. No, I can do this.”

Georg takes Tom's hand and squeezes it. He pulls his boyfriend from the window and to his room. He gently pushes him onto the bed, Tom's arms are stretched out. Georg climbs on top and starts to kiss Tom's full and ready lips. The door is soon opened and Georg practically leaps off him. 

“So sorry to interrupt,” Gustav stammers. 

“No it's fine. There's no time anyway. It would've been just a-----what's up Gustav?” Georg stammers. 

“Well, head of security said we have to go out that way, there's no room in the back because the hotel is getting deliveries.”

“Okay, that's fine. Same order as always?” Tom asks. 

“Yup, myself, you, Georg and then Bill. They know that he needs the most security do they think it'd be good to close it up with him.”

“Sounds good, Gusti. Thanks for telling us.”

He left the couple alone; Georg looks over at Tom who's massaging his temples with a tired expression on his face. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just can't wait to get home and just sleep with you without there being any interruptions.”

“Yeah that'd be nice to actually have time to be ourselves and not worry about anyone walking in on us.”

“Let's get going, don't want to make security wait longer than necessary.”

Tom gets up on shaky legs and grabs his satchel off the little table in the room. His bags have already been brought down and he can see the fans screaming at how close they're about to get to their idols. 

“This is it,” Tom sighs to himself. 

He goes down the elevator and finds Bill smiling on the phone. He's always been suspicious that maybe Bill has a boyfriend or girlfriend and has been hiding that person but of course he’d never vividly express that. Bill hangs up and hugs his brother. 

“How's the boyfriend?” Bill smiles. 

“He's fine.”

“Did you guys fuck?”

“Wha?! Gah?! Bill, what the hell?!”

“Oh, you're blushing,” Bill says as he plays with Tom's cheeks. 

“Wha?! Bill, stop it,” Tom whines. 

“Why? It's so cute,” Bill cooes. 

“I can't be cute. Jeez, can we just get ready to go?”

“Not yet, they're trying to build a barrier and Gusti isn't here yet. He's still upstairs.”

Tom sighs and decides to check his phone. He already sees that people have been posting their location on Twitter. He also sees that Georg sent him a text message. 

_How's my baby feeling? :*_

_Missing you that's how I'm feeling, Georg. :(_

_Aww, don't worry I'll cuddle you like ever before in the van. K?_

_K *insert heart emoji*_

He puts away his phone once he sees Gustav finally walk up, shades included. Tom searches his bag and can't find his shades and panic sets in. He can't let the others know. So he figures that he'll run right out once it's his turn and avoid looking at the cameras. 

“Ready boys?”

“Hell yeah! I can't wait to get back to LA,” Bill laughs. 

Tom smiles weakly but doesn't really meet anyone's eyes. He's too worried about how he's going to cross that line. 

“Alright, Tom let's go!” The guard directs. 

He goes over and ducks his head so they can quickly get to the car. They get out there and Tom didn't realize that the paps would lean over the barricades and try to snap photos of his face. He was caught several of them and stops right in his tracks. Georg's at the window watching the whole thing play out. Tom's legs tremble and the fear sets in because he knows what's about to happen. Before he can react, Tom falls straight onto the concrete below landing in a awkward way which was right on his wrist. 

Tom's body goes completely rigid and he lets out a ghastly yelling noise. Georg rushes out the doors and drops to Tom's side. The fans are all screaming and making the whole situation even crazier than it needs to be. Tom's body is violently convulsing right in Georg's arms when he picks him up. He sees that his wrist, which is jerking, is a weird purple, red , blue color. Mostly red because it's very swollen and bleeding profusely. He zones out the screaming girls and all he hears are the phlegm filled choking sounds that are coming from Tom's mouth. He gently lays him back down in his side and takes a deep breath. 

“It's okay Tom. You're doing good. Calm down and come back to me.”

He wipes away saliva from his face and kisses his cheek. He silently wishes he were here to catch him when he fell. Tom shouldn't have been alone. Once Tom's body starts to descend to jerks, paramedics drive up. Georg's afraid to let them help his boyfriend. He alone is suppose to protect, help and cater to Tom but he knows that his injuries were not something he could fix with hugs and kisses and veggie soup. 

“My name is Jason, I'm a paramedic, what happened?”

Georg looks at the guy and sighs. 

“He had a grand mal seizure. It lasted 3 minutes and 48 seconds. He might've done something to his wrist.”

Georg tries his best to ignore the wet spot on Tom's jeans but he knows what happened. Security managed to get the people to not only stop recording but move away. Georg watches from the side and when they were ready to load him up, Georg is right by his side, Bill as well. 

The ride is quiet and neither male makes a sound. They only watch the steady rising and falling of Tom's chest. Georg holds Tom's hand and Bill rubs his leg. They both worry about the possible futures that are headed Tom's way. It was a bad attack and they both are fully aware of that unfortunate circumstance and neither knows how to fully grasp that idea. Both were left to twiddle their thumbs in the lobby while Tom's been rushed into the emergency room. Bill is sitting down anxiously on the benches, unable to decide if he should inform their mother or not. His hands shake as he dials out her number, not remembering that he had her as a saved contact. 

“Hello?” His mother answers.

“M--mommy?” Bill whimpers. 

“Bill? Bill, sweetie, what's wrong?”

“Tomi had another seizure. A bad one and we are at the hospital.”

“Oh god, are you guys alone?”

“No, Georg's here. Gustav and the security are going to be here soon.”

“Bill has Tom been taking his medication?”

“Yeah. This was brought on by flashing cameras,” Bill explains. 

The mother sighs and sits down at her kitchen table. Tom's always been struggling with his epilepsy and this is bringing so many fears to light. Now people have seen him seizing and management wants to have Tom make a formal statement about his epilepsy. Bill and Georg won't allow them to stress Tom out, banning the suited men from entering his hospital room. 

“It's broken, Georg. My wrist is broken. Will I ever play guitar again?”

“Doctor says it's not a serious fracture. All you'll need is a few weeks to heal up. Which is convenient but I think we should go on hiatus while you rest up. No press or social media or THtv. This should just be our few weeks.”

“You think they'll allow it?”

“They have to, you can't play guitar on that wrist. If the injury is exacerbated then you'll definitely never play again.”

“I guess you're right.”

Tom's more than happy to be discharged and snuggled up on Georg's arm on the plane ride back to Germany. They order in when they get home opposed to actually going out. Tom's just so happy to be with Georg, out of the public eye. After a very quiet dinner, the happy couple goes to up to their room to sleep; both feeling safe that they are in each other's arms, neither going anywhere. They hold each other tightly and try to forget the lie they must live.

•••••••••••

Tom stays home when Georg says he'll walk the dogs and take a jog in the park a few miles out. He trusts that Tom's safe seeing as he's planning to stay in bed mostly. After quick kisses Georg hops into his car and drives off. The guitar player was content with staying in bed until he started getting hungry.

“I suppose I can go make a sandwich or something.”

He quickly goes into the kitchen and takes out all the parts to make his sandwich. He cleans up well for someone with a broken wrist. Once he's satisfied with his work, he turns to exit the kitchen when he stops dead in his tracks. He's holding the plate in his good hand when his whole body drops like lead to the ground, knocking himself out on the chair on the way down. The plate breaks on the floor; Tom's unconscious and Georg's completely unaware. The brunette realizes he left his water bottle and doesn't want to buy another, so he turns around to go back home. 

He's startled by the dogs because they start barking. He opens their door and they immediately run for their doggy door. The bark even louder in the house. He runs into the house, worried instantly about Tom. He follows the barking to the kitchen and sees Tom unconscious on the floor. 

“Babe?!”

He goes over to him; shoving the chair away. He gently turns the boy onto his side and caresses his head. He sees the blood and instantly calls for emergency. Tom's barely been on break before being rushed to the hospital again. They pretty much send him home after a couple hours seeing as he has no concussion just a cut on his scalp. They clean the wound and bandaged him up. 

He doesn't say much on the ride home. He only looks out the window of the taxi and avoids Georg's eyes. 

“Wanna watch a movie when we get home? I could pop popcorn,” Georg says. 

“No.”

He takes Tom's hand on the seat and hooks their fingers together. He brings it up to his lips and kisses his knuckles. 

“Hey, look, everything's alright.”

“Is it?” Tom whimpers. 

They both remain silent until they get home. Tom rushes up to the room and gets under the blankets. He hides under their large threads. 

“Tom? Tomi, you can't hide forever.”

“Georg, why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you stay with me? I'm just a walking time bomb!”

“I love you Tom that's why.”

“You could have any guy you want. I'm just a busted brained moron.”

“No, you're not. You're Tom Kaulitz, older brother of Bill Kaulitz, guitarist of Tokio Hotel and my boyfriend. You're not a moron.”

“Really? So you honestly care about me?”

“Tom, you're the first guy to make me feel. I'll love you until the day I die, I'll always be here for you.”

Tom climbs out of the bed and hugs Georg. He cries on his boyfriend’s shoulder and feels instantly like he's got it all right before him. Georg picks the taller yet lighter male up and puts him gently on the bed. He snuggles up behind him and kisses his neck. 

“I love you, babe,” Georg smiles. 

“I love you too,” Tom chuckles.


	2. Chapter 2

“Alright Bill, see you in three days,” Georg sighs. 

Tom slowly descends the staircase, he has been trying to sleep as much as he can because he's been drained from the tour. Both men think that's why he's been sick so much. He finds Georg standing in the kitchen angrily chopping up vegetables. He's never seen his boyfriend that worked up when cooking because it's his secret passion. Something the band keeps to themselves in order to maintain Georg's culinary masterpieces their trade secret. 

“Babe, is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine, Tom. Bill is coming out here soon, he uh heard about your seizure.”

“From who?”

“Your admission to the hospital was posted on Twitter by a concerned fan and he called asking about it and I can't lie to him because he'll know and now he's flying out here,” Georg groans. 

“That's just fantastic?! He's going to be all clingy and worried about me for nothing. I'm fine. I've just been stressed out, I feel great now.”

“Explain that to him when he gets here. You know your twin he's stubborn,” Georg chuckles. 

“Whatever, what are you making?”

“Just some celery and bleu cheese, want some?”

“Nah, I'm more of a celery and peanut butter kind of guy,” Tom smiles. 

“Yet you wonder why you've been getting a gut.”

“Peanut butter is way healthier than bleu cheese.”

Georg only puts down the knife and pulls Tom close from his waist. He places his head on Tom's shoulder and smells his loose black hair. 

“Mhmm, what do you wash your hair in?”

“Soap,” Tom answers simply. 

“Well duh? I mean what soap?”

“Oh, be more specific then, herbal essence.”

“I like it,” Georg smiles. 

He pulls Tom around and makes him face him. He presses his lips up against his lover’s and gets a few moans out of Tom. He shoves his hands down Tom's pants and Tom moans even louder. He doesn't do much after that however. He knows that Tom's body isn't physically ready for sex. He carefully pulls away and kisses Tom's nose. 

“I love you, Tom-cat.”

“Whatever, I'm going to go take another shower.”

Georg laughs and then turns back to his celery. Tom's always been so meticulous and just plain ocd to Georg. Moving out of his shared home with his twin was the scariest thing he had to encounter. He and Georg made the decision after one too many times Bill had “accidentally” wandered into their room during sex. So Bill stayed in LA and Tom moved back to Germany. No one really knew that the twins lived apart, though it has been suspected. 

Georg and Bill are friends, friends who butt heads when Tom's health, safety and security come into question. So Georg knew this visit was not going to be a pleasant one. The diva (as the band privately calls Bill) will be coming with the agitation he usually holds for international interviews.

**********

When Georg opens that door Saturday morning, he's met face to face with a shade clad Bill, tapping his heeled shoe foot. His hair has been slicked back and he looks mostly annoyed.

“Where's Tom?”

“Sleeping, it's 7:30 in the morning,” Georg groans. 

“Why haven't you gotten him up to eat breakfast or something?!”

“Because it's 7:30 in the morning.”

“You're useless!” Bill shrieks. 

“Excuse me, I'm trying my fucking best here!”

“Where'd you go when my brother needed you?! Where were you when he was passed out on the ground?!”

“As I told your bony ass on the fucking phone, I had no idea he'd have a drop seizure when he was alone. I was going to take the dogs out for their usual run when it happened,” Georg says through partially clenched teeth. 

“Not good enough! You have to watch Tom?! You can't just leave all willy nilly!”

Tom can hear the noise downstairs. He didn't really fall asleep until about three in the morning. He's still very tired. Georg was up trying to get the dogs to stop barking at the fucking squirrels. So Tom is pretty agitated to have been woken up before ten during his break. He gets out of bed with the full intention of murdering someone until he hears that it's Georg and Bill arguing. He stops in the middle of the staircase and sits down on the step. 

“Tom wants to feel independent, I can't breathe down his neck because I'm scared! Your mother and you did enough of that to last him a lifetime,” Georg groans. 

“I'm sorry I cared about my brother! Have you seen him fall down flights of fucking stairs and you're powerless to do anything?!”

“Yeah I have. It's been about nine fucking years, Bill.”

“I've had to be there for him his entire fucking life, Georg! I know this shit better than you and I'm telling you with the recent events, you should not have left him alone! I don't care what you say!”

“Look Bill, Tom's happy and he's alive, I don't think we should keep dwelling in this!”

“No, we will continue to dwell until you realize that you need to fucking take care of my fucking brother!”

“I have been taking care of him! While you've been off being a ditzy fucking Barbie doll I've been doing your fucking job! Step away from the mirror princess and see the world beyond it!”

Tom can't take it anymore. His headache is growing to capacity and he hates when those two get worked up and confrontational. He rushes down the rest of the stairs and uses his unbroken hand to hold back Georg because he knows he'll hit Bill. 

“Guys, please, stop it.”

“Tom, stay out of this,” Bill says. 

“How when it's about me?! Look Bill, I'm fine. I appreciate you flying out here.”

“Tom, you could've cracked your head open! Look at that gash!”

“I didn't and I'm fine! Let's just all have breakfast and be happy….please?”

Bill sighs and walks into the kitchen. Tom looks at Georg and the brunette does nothing but scratch his bird's nest he calls hair. 

“Omelets?”

“Sure, and some grits?”

“Definitely!”

They hold hands and go meet Bill in the kitchen. He's looking at his phone, he doesn't look very happy. 

“Everything alright, bro?”

“Wha?! Oh yeah, Tomi. I'm just trying to reschedule this party I was going to throw. You come first so I put that to the side,” he smiles. 

“Bill, have you been feeling okay? You've been partying a lot since I left you in LA.”

“Yeah, I've just been really trying to live since I've been so boxed in,” Bill smiles. 

“Oh, I see. Well, uh….let's, enjoy breakfast,” Tom slurs. 

“Tomi, are you okay?” Georg asks. 

“Yeah, I'm just a little sleepy. You guys woke me up,” Tom mutters. 

“Maybe you should lie down then,” Bill suggests. 

Bill gets up and bring Tom back to the room. He helps his brother stand only to have him collapse in his arms. 

“Oh shit, Georg, help.”

The brunette drops the egg he was holding and takes Tom from Bill. He gently lays him down and uses Bill’s coat as a cushion. 

“Shh, it's okay. You're doing really well, Tom. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Don't fight it sweetie, I love you.”

He gently caresses Tom's face as it twitches out of Tom's control. Georg doesn't look at his eyes which are zipping around in their sockets. He can feel Tom's body tense up beneath his hands. He gently rolls him on his side and kisses his cheek. He pushes the chairs out of the way to give Tom's convulsing body room to move. He still cringes even now; when Tom's limbs flail around rhythmically; when guttural noises pass his lips; when ankles and wrists turn inward and knock into each other; when his fingers contort into weird positions and tremble. 

He's usually in mass bouts of pain for days when it's over. Sometimes he is able to bounce back really quickly. Bill looks down at his Rolex and sighs. 

“1 minute and 30 seconds.”

It feels like an eternity. Georg gently places his hands on Tom's trembling shoulder and rubs up and down. He's hoping to help him calm down. This is frustrating for both Georg and Bill because no matter how many times they've seen it, it doesn't get any easier. It only gets harder. 

At about three minutes, Georg notices that the convulsions have died down to simple jerks. Tom's breathing very violently and loudly. Bill notices the blood flecked saliva and knows instantly that Tom's bitten something. Once his face has loosened, he sticks his hand in his mouth to check. 

“Yeah, he tore up his cheek.”

“Great, looks like it's soft foods for the rest of the week,” Georg sighs. 

“Let's wait until he's woken up and then we'll get him cleaned up,” Bill says. 

They sit down on that floor for about thirty minutes when Tom comes to. Georg gently helps him sit up a little and leans his head against his chest. 

“Hey, babe, are you back with us?”

“What….happened?”

“You had a seizure, twin. Can you tell me where you are?”

His eyes search the room but he's clearly too tired to identify his surroundings. He goes to wipe his face and panics when he sees his arm is in a brace. 

“What happened to my wrist?!”

“Tom, you don't remember, in New York, you had a seizure and broke your wrist,” Bill said slowly. 

“Wait, yeah I uh I remember,” Tom nods. 

“Come on, let's get you up. You need to shower and get some sleep. Come on,” Georg directs. 

Both men help Tom to his feet and Georg brings him to the bathroom. He's seen Tom naked before so he doesn't mind helping him clean up. Bill tucks his brother into bed and waits until he falls asleep. Once he's confident his brother is asleep, he goes outside to see Georg smoking a cigarette. 

“I thought you quit,” Bill says. 

“For about 6 days and then I realized that it's the only thing keeping me sane,” Georg says. 

Bill pulls out one of his own and sighs. He doesn't want to say it but he knows that Georg's stressed out. He felt the same way when he was younger and Tom would be having ten to twenty seizures a day. 

“Tom really loves us, you know,” Georg says. 

“I know that.”

“He has no one else. We've gotta do something. Make Tom feel better or something,” Georg exhales. 

“Well, he's always wanted a day with just you two. Why don't you just spend the day with him? No outside interruptions.”

Bill flicks his cigarette away and leaves to get into his car. He knows what kind of repercussions he's facing should he choose to stay in Germany but his brother meant more to him than his life in Los Angeles. It was strange for the younger twin to drive to the old estate. It is still in the twins’ name and still fully furnished and still fully functional, just never lived in after all the numerous break ins and relentless paparazzi hounds. After a year of not being used, Bill knows it's safe. No one knows that it's still a fully prepared home. 

He parks in the driveway and gets out of the car. He looks up at the stone structure with high palace like peaks and chimney. The double doors with gold trim and a solid cubic zirconia doorknob. It was a refurbished home. They bought it because it reminded them so much of the places they'd seen in books and movies as children. It was truly their fortress. Now all it holds is painful memories. 

_“Tom, you don't get it! You can not just skip days because you hate how they make you nauseous! You bring this up to your doctor and she changes shit! Don't do it yourself!”_

He walks inside the door, amazed it was kept unlocked. The halls are still quiet and they still hold the many awards the band has won and the numerous portraits from their red carpet events and magazine spreads and appearances. This was once home. An hour away from the airport and closed off from the rest of the neighborhood. A true place of solitude when it's location was secret. Bill runs his fingers along the paneled walls and right up to his old bedroom. He opens the door and the memories of his first time flood through his mind. He hated it and he hates himself for letting it happen. 

_“Gustav….we can't talk about this ever. Or even do this ever again!”_

He cringes when his body lands on the soft mattress. This is home until he is sure that Tom's safe and out of harm's way.

********

Tom's shocked to see Georg has popped popcorn and put in a movie and is inviting him to snuggle up. This is not the Georg he remembers. He feels awkward as they sit on the bed watching the lord of the rings.

“Hey, Tomi, what's wrong?”

“It's just….why are you doing all this?”

“I love you, babe.”

Tom still isn't convinced. He knows that something's up. Something is definitely bothering Georg. 

“Georg, I'm gonna go grab a soda,” Tom announces. 

“No, stay here. I'll get them.”

“I knew it! You're babying me! Did Bill threaten to shave your head again?!”

“Wha?! God no! I just wanted to do something nice for you, is that too much to do for you?!”

“No but it's just really frustrating when you normally stand offish boyfriend suddenly wants to be all cuddly.”

“Tom, I always like to cuddle with you and be there but I guess I'm not good enough to do that?!”

“Oh please! I have to make the first fucking move for their to be any intimacy! Just admit it!”

“Admit what?!”

“That you're tired of me Georg! That you're tired of a boyfriend who randomly has seizures and makes a mess of everything!”

“Tom, you really love doing that,” Georg laughs. 

“Love doing what, Georg?”

“Making shit all about you. I am here for you 24 fucking 7 and you make it seem like I'm barely around! Yes, Tom, I'm sick and tired of your fucking epilepsy and sometimes I wonder what would life be like if I fucked Bill that night instead of you! I'm sick and tired of wiping your ass because you've pissed all over yourself during your damn dying fish act! You don't know what's it's like to watch you go through that and then to get upset when I want to just be there for you….man fuck off, Tom!”

“Georg….I don't know what to say….”

“You never do! Every damn thing that comes out of your fucking mouth is a script that's been written for you!”

“Georg, do you honestly feel that way?!”

The brunette doesn't say anything. He only leaves the room in an angry huff, just to sit on the couch to recollect his thoughts. He didn't mean to blow up on Tom but he has no handle on his temper. It's gotten him into numerous problems. He wipes his face one more time and when he goes to the stairs, Tom's standing here teary eyed. 

“Tom, I….”

“Don't! Just don't Georg!”

He runs out the door into the night, leaving his boyfriend worried. Georg naturally calls Bill, who agrees to be on the lookout for him (not before cursing Georg out first of course). The younger twin drives around the area looking for his emotionally unstable brother. Tom's always been the hard one but when he's really upset, he really doesn't think or function. He starts to cry over everything and will literally just sit in one spot and not move. It doesn't take long to find Tom at the park, crying on a bench. 

“Hey,” Bill calls as he honks the horn. 

Tom looks back but doesn't move. Bill, with a sigh,gets out of his car and walks over to the bench. 

“What's up?”

“Georg hates me….I'm apparently frustrating to him.”

“Tom, he's just….tired. We all are and when people are tired they say stuff they don't mean. It's like….if I were to say I hate you when I'm tired you should know it's not true because I love you, Tomi.”

Bill pulls his brother into a hug and let's him cry for about an hour more. They both get back into his car and drive back to his house. Georg is standing on the porch smoking yet another cigarette. He runs to the gate when Bill’s car pulls up. Tom gets out rather slowly and stumbles into Georg's arms. 

“Treat my brother right, Listing, or I'll kill you,” Bill threatens. 

With a nod, Georg brings Tom back inside and sleeps on the couch that night to give Tom his space. The next morning he wakes him up with a lovely breakfast and a quiet car ride through the country. When they get back, Georg draws a bubble bath and he soaks with Tom in it. Once they snuggle up in their pjs, under the heavy duvet, Georg kisses Tom's temple. 

“I love you and I'm sorry.”

“I love you too, Georg. Now go to sleep, I'm tired.”

Tom reaches back and takes Georg's hand that lays lonely on his waist and snuggles deeper into his boyfriend's chest. Georg uses this to get a hugging position around Tom and both men fall asleep peacefully.


	3. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

Even Tom had to admit that the break was really too short. Soon they were already back at work and starting the next projects. It didn't help that Tom and Georg had another fight over Tom's medication and the questioning of if he even took it. Which is something that Georg was doubting. 

They hadn't spoken to each other in weeks and now they're being forced to work with one another after successfully avoiding each other in the same house. It's a little strange to actually think that two domestic partners could find a feasible way to actually not be around each other while living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed. They built their own bubbles for themselves. Bill could sense the tension between his brother and his boyfriend but didn't bring any attention to it because it wasn't really any of his business. 

“Alright boys, we have to get ready for the big world tour, loving the new hair Bill.”

“Thanks, I was really getting sick of the dreads.”

“Alright, so I talked with Georg and we got the budget for the tour all set up and now all we have to do is plan out the dates and get a set stage design,” the fat executive says. 

“Don't forget costumes,” Bill chirps. 

Tom pretty much zones out the whole meeting. He can't get the idea out of his head that he and Georg have just been fighting non stop lately. While the spats have been small, they've still been happening. Bill calls them ‘lovers quarrel’, but Tom calls it a problem. 

He knows how protective Georg can get but not to the point where he's yelling at him constantly. He brushes his braids with shaky hands and takes a deep breath. 

“You alright, Tomi?”

“Yeah, Bill. I'm just tired. I'm listening though, don't worry,” Tom smiles. 

Bill doesn't take his eyes off his twin though. He can see how he looks very upsettingly at Georg; not very devoted and loving at all. 

“Okay, that's it for today's meeting. I'll see you guys on Monday, hopefully with good news.”

“Bye Herr Douglas. Let's go eat I am starving,” Bill says. 

Tom walks behind Bill and the others very quietly. He doesn't have anything to say and he's even been giving Georg the cold shoulder. It's not like he's trying to piss him off its more like he's afraid that Georg's only going to yell at him further. He hates fighting with the brunette because he's so deeply in love with him. He gets the same emotional feel when he fights with Bill. It stings. So he was doing whatever he could to avoid talking to him. 

“Tom? Are you okay?” Gustav asks. 

“Y--yeah. I'm just….just tired.”

“Tom, I know you, you're not just tired. Is this about Georg?”

“Your cousin and I have been fighting but it's fine. People fight, right?”

“Over what?”

“Doesn't matter, Gustav. Can we just not talk about this? It's not serious or important.”

“Alright….are you ready for New York again?”

“What?”

“So you weren't listening? We have an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel,” Gustav says. 

Tom nods but truly doesn't care. He's too upset that he's been pretty much out of it for days. He would never bring that to the band’s attention of course because he doesn't want to draw any attention to himself. So he takes his deep breaths and allows the headaches to just flow through him. 

“When do we leave?”

“Two days,” Gustav replies. 

“Okay.”

He quickly walks away from him and gets into his corner of the car. He doesn't want to speak to anyone. He doesn't even want to be with anyone right now but he doesn't want to cause alarm. Bill is looking over at his brother because he can sense the tension. Tom truly doesn't want to be out with them right now. 

“Hey guys, I totally forgot Tom and I had a thing, so we'll head back to our place. I'll catch you guys later.”

Tom looks over at his brother and Bill simply winks. The car stops at the twins’ hotel and Bill takes this time to pull his brother to the side to talk. 

“What's got my twin down in hell?”

“It's nothing,” Tom sighs. 

“Oh no, it's not nothing. You've been a big heap of depression for about three days now. Tomi-kun, talk to me,” Bill whines. 

“Ugh, fine. Georg and I have been fighting.”

“Over what?”

“Same shit, he doesn't believe I've been taking my medicine.”

“We'll have you?”

“Bill, I've done some stupid shit in my life but I've learned my lesson from that.”

Bill purses his lips together and plays with his tongue ring in his mouth. 

“Okay, well what would make him come to this assumption?”

“I've been having a lot of small seizures and he thinks it's because I've been skipping doses,” Tom admits. 

“Tom….I have to agree with Georg. You've been having more attacks lately.”

“So you're against me too?! You're supposed to be on my side! You're _my_ fucking twin!”

“Tom when your health is coming into question I'm going to do what's best!”

“Fuck you, Bill!”

Tom storms into the hotel leaving his very confused brother outside.

•••••••••

To Tom the flight back to New York was too fast. He isn't even sure if he's ready for Jimmy Kimmel. They rehearsed but he's just been so tired and sick. He had a complex partial on the van ride to the venue….alone. He only knew it happened because the bodyguard said he checked out. He lied and said he was daydreaming.

He sat very quietly in the green room, smoking a cigarette while the others just talked very loudly over each other. Bill is trying to get his phone back from Gustav who's trying to delete a bad photo that Bill took of him. 

“You guys are on in ten,” the stage manager says. 

“Alright!” Bill chirps. 

Tom takes this time to go tune his guitar, hell, anything to get out of that room with them. Georg watches sadly when Tom leaves. He feels so bad that he made Tom that mad at him that he doesn't want to be around him. He only spoke his opinion not intending to make him upset. He brought himself to even get to a place where he could interact with Georg without feeling the urge to shout at him for treating him like he's naive. He grips the neck of his guitar tightly, nearly snapping it when he hears that sound of Georg laughing. 

“Why's my big brother all sad now?”

“Bill, not now.”

“Uh oh, looks like that sadness has fused into rage. Well don't hit me. I didn't do it,” Bill smiles. 

“For once in your existence can you take something serious?! You're always joking around and that's why labels never take us seriously! Be a better frontman!”

Bill backs off a little once he sees that it's clear that Tom's out to kill. Georg hears his boyfriend snap at his twin but doesn't get involved. He knows that Tom's just being all bitchy because he's upset at him. He knows that the guitarist is stubborn and will never admit that he's wrong or anything. He just gets angry and yells at people to draw the attention away from his issue and onto the other person. 

The band is brought onto the stage to perform and Tom feels worse than before. His head is pounding and he can taste salt like he's going to vomit. He stands close to the wall in case he feel another wave of nausea. He avoids everyone's eyes and focuses on his breathing. If he can just get through the show he can go hide somewhere and just let his body do whatever it wants to. 

“Tom, are you alright?” Gustav asks. 

“I'm fine! Are we on yet?”

“Five minutes, Jimmy is still talking about us,” Gustav sighs. 

He stands in his place and tries to pinch the tight nerves away. It wasn't working and only making it worse. He just grips the neck of his guitar and looks at the camera man for the cue. Once they begin playing, Tom starts to see a hazy filter over his eyes. Everything sounds like it's underwater even his playing. He stops and everyone in the crowd notices that something's wrong. Bill switches off the mic and goes over to his brother. 

“Tom, can you look at me?”

He pulls his brother off the stage and takes him to a little area that just backstage and out of everyone's sight. Georg and Gustav decide to stall for him in hopes that the fans won't be too upset about it. 

“Sorry about that, Tomi has been under the weather,” Gustav jokes. 

“Yeah, he's been feeling real sick lately.”

“Thank you for echoing Georg, uh how about a question session from our fans….”

Bill is sitting with Tom, who's fighting it. Bill can tell because he's losing focus and then regaining it. He's also breathing differently and constantly pinching his arm.

“Tom, stop fighting it. It's okay, I'm here.”

“I can't….Georg….will be….mad….and he'll….think he's right….”

“Tomi, please, you're only hurting yourself and….”Bill trails off. 

He knows it's pointless, he has to get Georg or Tom's not going let his body relax long enough to let it go. He gets to his feet and finds the stage manager. 

“Bring Georg back here please, it's important,” he says. 

“Alright. But the fans love this little q&a thing.”

“Just go, I'll stay out there.”

It didn't take long for them to find Georg and Bill took his place on stage. The brunette forgets completely about all the things he's said and done to Tom in the past few days. He knows how much his boyfriend needs him and doesn't care about anything else. He's worried about Tom and would do anything to protect him and make sure he's okay. He rushes to his side once he sees him leaning up against the wall for support. He slowly lowers him to the ground and makes him lay down by placing a hand on the side of his face. 

“Gee?”

“Shhh, it's alright. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.”

“I'm sorry,” Tom whimpers. 

“Don't be. Just relax and let it take its course. I'm right here.”

As if that was all he needed to hear, Tom's expression grew blank. Georg got onto his knees and placed light hands on Tom's body. He gently rubs his arms and legs and kisses his cheek. Tom's face starts twitching and soon his whole body goes rigid and loud groans escaped his throat. Georg has seen Tom have very involved seizures before too. Usually he just lets out squeals but on the rare occasion he groans, yelps and lets out other vocal projections. He takes Tom's hand as he convulsives on them floor. When a wet spot hits Tom's jeans, he drapes his jacket over him using his freehand. 

“You're doing real good baby. Just come back to me okay. Can you come back to me?”

He wipes away the spit using his sleeve and gently brushes Tom's hair with his hand. He simply wants to be there for him. 

“It's alright, you're doing real good baby.”

After about four minutes, the convulsions reduce to jerks and Georg uses this time to actually get Tom a little more onto his side. He knows that he's going to be very tired. He expresses this to the stage manager who says that Jimmy decided to reschedule the performance for when Tom's feeling better. Georg carries his boyfriend back to the van to head back to the hotel. Bill isn't very happy with Georg because he knows how his brother's been being treated. He pulls the brunette to the side once they arrive at their hotel. 

“Georg, I am very upset at you,” Bill sighs. 

“Why?”

“My brother is a very fragile person. He may seem hard and all ‘thug life’ but he's like me in every aspect of his personality. He can cry and he can be hurt. I can't believe you have been fighting over his health and you know that just fucks with his health.”

“Well, he refuses to talk to me so what am I supposed to do? Hmm?! Just allow for him to have non stop seizures and don't discuss it?!”

“That's not what I'm saying.”

“That's what it sounds like!”

“There you go again! Georg, is it impossible for you to talk to a person without getting aggressive?! Thi is why you've been fighting with my brother!”

“I'm sorry if I take his health a little more serious than you!”

“Georg that's not it at all. Look, you can't keep fighting with my brother. It's killing him and you know that! He can't stand being upset at you but he's also stubborn as shit and won't admit it. You need to stop fighting and start talking. Don't yell at him every fucking time he refuses to take your side. He's allowed to have an opinion too.”

Georg hates to admit when he's wrong but right now he knows he's wrong. Bill has a valid point that all he's been doing is fight with Tom and hasn't really don't anything to better the situation that he's been in with his boyfriend. 

Without much word, he turns away from the singer and goes up to Tom's room. He walks in without knocking and sees Tom cuddled up with his pillow, staring at a muted tv. He's not even watching it and Georg knows that. It's just there to help him hold onto reality. He doesn't want to sleep at the moment but he knows that he's exhausted. 

Georg slips into the bed behind him and pulls the younger male into his body. He kisses his neck and squeezes him. 

“I love you, you know that right, Tom?”

“Mhmm.”

“I'm also very sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Yes, I should learn how to use my words and stop shouting at you for having your own opinion,” Georg sighs. 

“Did Bill talk to you?”

“So what if he did?”

“It seems to me that you can come to any decisions as far as I'm concerned without my brother talking to you first.”

“That's not true you know. I guess he opens the bottle but I really do care about you. I guess you can say I'm a bit moody and loud mouthed but I'm not like trying to be aggressive with you it just happens.”

“Does it? Well I'm sorry that I make you aggressive,” Tom groans. 

He shoves Georg off and turns to face the wall. The brunette feels dejected but doesn't say anything. He knows that he can't prove anything to him right now but he has a plan.

•••••••••

Georg spent the whole day planning the date he had for Tom. They got back from New York the night before and Tom's been sleeping and existing most of the time. He made breakfast and planned a beautiful picnic lunch for them in the afternoon. He looks down occasionally at the ring in his hand and smiles. He hadn't even talked to Bill about this and knew the younger twin would be pissed that he didn't get his blessing first. Tom's his own person and can do as he pleases.

He watches Tom's movements as he eats very quietly and tries to think of more ways to make the younger male feel like he was everything. He knew this proposal would be the pinnacle of his day and would secure his love for Tom. Tom didn't really say much as he got dressed later that day for this lunch that Georg said was so special. He was even silent as they drove to the location. He munched quietly on avocado sandwiches and looked at the lake that was in front of them. 

“So Tom, we've been dating for quite some time and I wanted to let you know that I really have enjoyed all these years together.”

“Doesn't seem like it to me,” Tom chuckles sadly. 

“I mean it. I wish I could back in time and stop myself from being such a douche to you. Tomi, I love you more than life itself and you have to believe me. I've felt like such shit every since we got back. I miss being able to hold you and kiss you and I miss being yours.”

Tom puts down the sandwich and looks at the older male. 

“Do you really? Or did my brother tell you what to say so I could magically float into your arms---”

“Marry me!”

He pulls out the ring and puts it into Tom's face. 

“What?”

“Marry me, I don't care about anyone or anything else. I just need you. I want to be with you. I need to be with you. You don't understand how much it hurts that you think for a second that I don't, Tomi. Tom, there's no one else and I'd die without you. Please just forgive me? And be my husband?”

“Georg….yes! Oh, a million times yes!”

Georg puts the ring on Tom's finger and the younger male tackles Georg to the ground. He feels like the happiest person ever. He's got the man of his dreams and nothing can change that. He is on clouds when they go to their next label meeting and can't wait to announce it to the big wigs. 

“What's got our little Tomi so happy?” The fat executive smiles. 

“Georg and I are getting married,” Tom announces happily. 

What?!” Herr Douglas and Bill both exclaim. 

“Yes, I proposed and Tomi said yes.”

“This isn't good! Did you announce this anywhere else?”

“No, why?” Tom asks. 

“It's fine for the fans to imagine it's real but they can't know about you two. I'm sorry but you can't get married,” he directs. 

“Hold on, that's not fair. We've done everything you've asked of us. You're telling me that if Tom and I are in love and want to be married we can't! That's bullshit,” Georg states. 

“Georg just forget it, it's fine. We'll just have to wait.”

Bill looks at his twin with a sad look. He knows how long Tom's been waiting for this and now that he has it. He can't even act upon it. It's very sad but there's nothing else he can do. He watches as Tom sadly glances at the ring on his finger, trying to hold back tears. 

He was so excited to finally have Georg but now he's lost him. He can't even become his husband. Sure his career means everything to him but so does the bassist. He is hoping to find balance but so far nothing. He just can't find it and it hurts him. His eyes look up and he finds Bill’s. His twin places his hand on his thigh and smiles at him. 

‘You'll marry him don't worry,’ Bill thinks. 

And Tom hears him loud and clear.


	4. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

Georg didn’t understand why Tom was slowly getting worse. He seems to be getting sicker and sicker as time passes. From having up to thirty absences a day to the tonic clonics at night in his sleep. He is beginning to worry that his fiance is doing something to jeopardize his health. Whether it be the lack of sleep or he’s not taking his medication. He finds Tom sitting on the patio, smoking a cigarette for some reason. You’d think he’d be more cautious with his health but no, he just smokes away. He sits down next to his fiance and doesn’t get one single reaction from him. Tom just continues to take drags from his cig and lets the smoke curl around his face. 

 

“Tom, what’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” Tom says simply. 

“Obviously it’s not nothing, “Georg sighs, “you’ve been having more and more fits. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Nope,” Tom sighs.

Georg wants so badly to argue with him about this. Not like he likes fights with Tom but for the time being, he feels like Tom’s being irrational. He knows how much Georg worries yet he’s sitting here, smoking and not telling him a damn thing. He takes another pull and brings his free hand to Georg’s thigh.

“Bill and I are going to France,” he says without looking at the brunette.

“What?! Tom, in your condition you shouldn’t be travelling to another fucking country!”

“It’s publicity, don’t worry, Bill will be there.”

“Oh sure tell me not to worry! Did you even tell them about how bad your seizures have gotten?!”

Tom simply looks away and that was all that Georg needed to see that the answer was no. He stands up and walks until he’s right in Tom’s view. Tom glances up at his fiance and can see that he’s obviously pissed. He doesn’t want to fight with him but what can he do, he knows that this is going to be a fight. 

“Tom, look at me! Why would you agree to do this when you know damn well that you’re not well enough to do it?!”

“Says who? You, Georg!”

He tosses his cigarette onto the ground and stands up. He’s several inches taller than Georg and often that can be intimidating. 

“Look, you’ve been having too many fucking attacks to even count. You can’t even get through breakfast without having a fucking seizure. I am trying to help you, Tom! Why would you leave the country when you know this?!”

“I am not going to be alone! I will be with Bill and he can help me if anything happens! You just don’t want me to go!”

“Tom, I would love for you to have fun and do what you want but right now isn’t a good fucking time!”

Tom only shoves Georg out of the way and goes right back into the house. He can’t stand being anywhere near him right now. Not when Georg is getting all angry and pissy. He knows that his fiance has quite a temper and he’d rather not fight with him. He has a raging headache and doesn’t want to make it worse. Once he’s hidden away, he manages to call his twin and lock himself away from Georg.

“Hey, Tomi, are you all ready for Paris?”

“Yeah but Georg’s not happy about me going,” Tom sighs.

“Why not?”

Tom hasn’t told his brother about his recent change in his seizure threshold. He just pulls his lips into a smile and tries to sound happy.

“He just doesn’t wanna be away from me,” he jokes.

“Aww, you guys are adorable. The car will pick you up at seven tomorrow morning, so don’t be late.”

“I won’t, see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, bro.”

Georg didn’t rest easy that night, he was too busy thinking of all the bad things that could happen to Tom while he was in Paris. He could fall off the Eiffel Tower or off a hotel balcony. He knew that Tom is not well enough to go anywhere but the younger male was too stubborn to get that. He was very reluctant about helping Tom put his bags into the car the following morning. He was exhausted and running on the energy he obtained from a hot cup of coffee.

“Are you sure you have everything?”

“Yes, Georg. I’ll see you in a week, okay?”

“Sure, just be careful alright. If you feel unstable or sick or anything, take a break, please.”

“Alright, jeez you worry too much.”

Tom kisses his older boyfriend goodbye and then gets into the car. Bill is mocking their goodbye, receiving a slap to the arm from Tom. 

“He’s so protective of you,” Bill taunts.

“Whatever, he’s a little too clingy.”

The ride was mostly quiet, even the flight was. Bill is super excited to check out any shops and cafes in the area. He practically ran out of the room, dragging Tom with him. 

“Oh my gosh, do you see that shirt? It’d go so well with the boots I just bought the other day!”

He drags his brother into the store and leaves him by the entrance. Tom watches his brother Tom wasn't really interested in shopping it wasn't his cup of tea. So he mostly checked his phone for any texts or whatever from Georg. Nothing. He assumes that he's still mad at him for going. He is so wrapped up in his phone that he doesn't see Bill skip back over. 

“Let's go Tomi. I wanna see the Eiffel Tower before it gets too late,” Bill whines. 

“I hear it looks better in the dark,” Tom chuckles. 

“Well, I don't want to see it in the dark, I want to be able to see all of Paris with people, I wonder if they look like ants!”

Tom is dragged along back to the car. Bill tells the drive to drive as fast as he can to the Eiffel Tower. Tom's still upset that Georg hasn't texted him. He told him he landed safely and missed him. With a sigh, he gets out of the car. Bill skips ahead and goes to purchase the tickets to go up the elevator for the tower. He looks up when his brother screams for him to hurry up. He tucks his phone into his pocket and jogs over to his very energetic twin. 

Bill is enjoying the view while Tom mostly feels nauseous. Bill is tugging his twin's arm trying to coax him to look. He smiles weakly but still feels really dizzy. He grips the guard rail and takes deep breaths but in the high altitude it's proving to be very difficult. 

“Tomi? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just a little winded.”

“Wanna sit down?”

Tom nods weakly and takes his twin's open hand. Bill gently pulls his twin to the bench to sit but Tom doesn't make it. His knees buckle and he falls face first into the ground. 

“Tom?!”

He tosses his shopping bag to the side and gets down on the ground to check his brother. His hands barely get close when Tom gets rigid and stops breathing. 

“No, no, no. This can't be happening! Not now, come on, Tomi. Wake up for me, please. Don't do that,” Bill cries. 

People rush over and the boys’ bodyguard keep onlookers from getting too close. Bill doesn't know what to do because growing up their mother or father handled this mostly. He didn't pay attention to any of those first aid workshops or read any of those pamphlets. Right now he's cursing himself for it. He can't even help his twin. 

“Okay, okay, uh….I should get you off your face,” Bill breathes. 

He puts one hand on Tom's trembling torso and one on his back. Using all the strength he could muster, he flips him onto his side. He gasps and his hand comes up to his mouth when he sees Tom's bleeding from his mouth. He has a split opposite his lip piercing. 

“You've banged up your face, T. It's okay, though, we'll get you all patched up. Mom and dad and Georg will be upset though, Saki call an ambulance, quick.”

The guard pulls out his phone and Bill turns back to his brother. He takes one of his trembling hands and kisses it. 

“It's almost over, you're doing so good. I promise,” he says. 

Bill doesn't know how he's supposed to tell Georg this happened. The ride to the hospital was so uneasy and tense. Bill holding his brother's hand and the paramedics shouting out directions in French. While he sat in the waiting room, he glances at his phone and the blood on his shirt. He had never felt so helpless before. He couldn't protect his twin. He failed him. It took all his courage to not just cry and breakdown in that waiting room. 

One passcode and angry phone call with Georg later, he's being brought to his brother's room. He's got stitches in his lip and gauze covering it. Bill grips his phone tightly and is hesitant when approaching him. He knows Tom's mad and he'd be right to blame Bill for not seeing the signs sooner. The way he was listless and very inattentive. He should've known that Tom wasn't feeling well. He cursed himself for not seeing it. He nearly jumps out of his skin when Tom groans. He gets closer and puts a careful hand on Tom's chest. 

“Don't move. You had a seizure, you're in the hospital and you hurt your lip.”

“Bill?”

“Yeah it's me. You're going to be okay. I think we should go home though. Georg's really mad that this happened,” Bill sighs. 

“You told him?”

“Well I had to. He'd find out eventually and I'd rather he hear it from me and not some media outlet.”

“Bill…this is why he didn't want me to come on this trip.”

“What?”

“My seizures have been more frequent, I've been having them in my sleep and when I'm awake. There's literally like hours between attacks.”

“Tomi what's your threshold now?”

“Bill…”

“What is it?”

“....four to five a day,” Tom sighs. 

“Tom….why didn't you tell me?!”

“Because, you would've been mad and I didn't want you to be.”

“Tom, I was scared I was going to lose you. Never do this to me again!”

“Bill…”

“How am I supposed to live in….live in this world with you gone?! You're so selfish, Tom!”

Ton looks at his crying brother and doesn't know what to say. He hadn't meant to hide it from him to hurt Bill. He did it to protect him. He knows his brother is fragile and emotional. 

“Bill, I'm sorry.”

“I don't care about that! I'm just glad you're okay,” Bill whimpers. 

He hugs his twin and both breakdown in emotions. They're silent when they pack their things to go back to Germany after Tom's discharged. Bill doesn't know what to say anymore because as far as he's concerned he feels like a failure. He couldn't do shit for his brother. He watches Tom sleep and gets very apprehensive when Tom twitches. He lets that breath in his chest go when Tom turns in his seat to sleep a bit more comfortably. Bill knows that Georg is meeting them at the airport and he knows that the brunette will have a few choice words for him. He wasn't wrong either.

When they landed and met up with Tom's older boyfriend, he sounded like he's about ready to rip someone's head off. He knows that he's going to have to watch his fiancé more. He knew something would happen and he still let him go. He practically kicked himself for letting Tom go but not anymore. When Tom's not feeling well he stays home and that's how it's going to be from now on.

•••••••••

This was supposed to be the dinner that Georg would use to tell you his mom and dad about Tom. It's nearly eight and the dinner was scheduled for 6:30. He glances at his phone and makes sure he didn't miss any notifications. Nothing.

“So, Georg, is this boy showing up?”

“He's probably stuck in traffic, dad.”

“So he's not punctual? Cute.” 

He recognized that tone in his dad's voice. He wasn't pleased. Georg continues to check his phone and he gets more worried as time passes. 

“I'm going to step into the restroom and call him,” Georg sighs. 

“Do that and if he doesn't answer we are leaving.”

“Again dad give him a chance, I'll call him just give me a minute,” he says. 

He quickly gets to the restroom and hurriedly types in his password. He scrolls to Tom's contact and puts his knuckle into his mouth. His heart is beating out of his chest because he is terrified about what could be happening to his fiancé. After four rings it goes to voicemail and Georg's heart all but stops. He leaves a very long and concerned voicemail and returns to the table. 

“Well?”

“He didn't pick up, dad.”

“Georg, what time did you tell him to meet us?”

“I told him 6:30 mother. I don't know what could've happened.”

His heart plummets almost instantly because he's thinking of everything worse case scenario. He partakes in about seven more glasses of water, leaves eight more messages and twelve more texts. He slowly was feeling confident that Tom wasn't showing up. 

It wasn't until about 9:30 when he finally staggers in with a loose tie and blood down his front. He is drenched in sweat and he looks confused. Georg gets up quickly and stops his fiancé before he runs into the table. 

“My god! Tom, I was so worried what happened?!”

“Um….I was trying to----to call you but----the phone wouldn't unlock.”

“Tom, what happened?”

“I was in-----a parking lot and….fuck….I had a seizure and…..I couldn't call you, Georg.”

Georg instantly feels like shit because he knows how scared and confused Tom gets. He gently sits him in a seat and kneels before him. 

“Tomi, where'd the blood come from?”

Georg puts a hand under Tom's chin and sees that he is not able to focus. His eyes are wandering everywhere and fear sets in when he realizes that Tom is about to have another seizure. He is amazed that the younger male managed to walk all this way without collapsing into something. 

“Okay, Tom, I need you to look at me, please?”

Tom's whole body is trembling and saliva is dripping from his mouth down his chin and onto his already bloody shirt. He brushes the black hair from Tom's face and tries to get more words out of him. 

“Hey, T, can you look at me?”

Tom can barely keep his head up and Georg doesn't blame his fiancé. He knows how draining the aura state can be for him. His parents are looking at Tom as if he's on some kind of drug. 

“Georg, is this really the man you wanted us to meet?”

“‘Mom, it's not like that. He's not well.”

“By that I take it you mean he's high!”

“No dad not high….look can you just pull out that chair!”

“Why would I do that?”

“So I can sit him down,” Georg groans. 

His father reluctantly pulls out the chair but still feels like he's just been introduced to a junkie and not a successful guitarist. He doesn't smell liquor on him but he sure as hell looks like he got beat up by his dealer. 

“Georg, why did you ask for your mother and I to travel his far if this is what you were presenting?!”

“Dad, he's sick alright. We were supposed to talk to you about it tonight but he's just out of it. Now shut up and give me that napkin,” Georg demands. 

He wipes Tom's face and tries to get him to focus. He sees the rhythmic twitches in his hands and can see that he's obviously going into it. He wants to lay him down but there isn't enough room between tables to do that. He's going to have to ease him through the fit while sitting in the chair. 

“Okay, Tom, you're doing good just relax and don't fight it.”

“H--help me,” Tom whimpers. 

“I will but I need for you to just relax, I'm here and you're safe.”

He takes a hold of Tom's hand and squeezes it a little. He sees the blank stare wash over his fiancé and about thirty seconds later his back arches and he's gone stiff and rigid. Stifled vocalizations make their way from the back of his throat and soon he's convulsing. His ankles jerk inward and his eyes twitch in their sockets. Georg feels the pain of Tom squeezing his hand but he knows it's reassuring to the younger male. 

He wipes the saliva from his mouth and brushes his hair from his face. 

“You doing real good baby. You're alright, come back to me sweetheart. It's alright. Just come back to me.”

Tom's violent convulsions eventually die down to twitches throughout his body. He's voided his bladder and he knows that Tom's gonna hate that he pissed himself in front of Georg's parents. Once Tom is still and taking heavy breaths, Georg turns his head to drain the liquid from his mouth. 

“So you wanna explain to us what that was?”

“If you must know, dad, Tom's an epileptic and he's been one since he was 18 months old. What you just witnessed was not drug related? He just had a grand mal seizure and he had one in the car earlier hence why he was dazed.”

“....I'm sorry. I didn't mean to----”

“Save it! He's been through enough.”

Georg looks at his boyfriend and tries to coax him into waking up. Tom's eyes open briefly and close because of the lights. 

“You can sleep in one minute honey, can you tell me your name?”

“T….Tom?”

“Good, and what's your birthday?”

“September….1st?”

“Alright, you're doing so well sweetie. One last thing, can you tell me who I am?”

He merely squeezes Georg's hand for that one. The older male took that as his response and kissed his sweaty forehead. The brunette looks down at his pants and see the darker color in his crotch area. He takes off his jacket and drapes it over Tom's lap. 

It took a lot of precision but he manages to pick Tom up and get him out of the restaurant and back to the car. Tom had two seizures and he knows that the younger boy must be exhausted. The ride is really quiet and Georg did nothing but occasionally look at Tom to see if he is breathing. He didn't want to embarrass him or even make him feel helpless but it happens and all Georg can do is protect him. He carries him into the house, strips him of his clothes and washes him up. Once he's under the duvet in their warm bed, Georg decides to stop and collect his thoughts. He finds himself standing in the kitchen drinking a beer and looking at a photo of himself and Tom when they were much younger and they were at a park. Tom's mother had taken the photo of the two playing football with Bill and Gustav. 

Georg, with a heavy heart,tosses the bottle into the trash and goes back to their room. Tom's fast asleep and he takes a deep breath. 

“You sure like making me worry,” he chuckles. 

He lays down next to his fiancé and wraps an arm around his tiny waist. Georg hates when Tom's seizures make him exhausted and sore. He only wishes they can find someway to make him better. His eyes barely close for him to sleep when he feels Tom get tense beneath him. His eyes pop open and he sees that Tom's face carries a blank expression. 

“Tomi?”

Before he can even think, Tom's arms outstretched in front of him and he gets rigid. Georg leaps out of the bed and kneels in front of his boyfriend. 

“Shh, it's okay. I'm here and you're safe. Come on, you're doing good baby. Just breathe, come back to me and breathe.”

He gently wipes his face but avoids his eyes. He doesn't like seeing Tom's eyes look so void and helpless. He pulls back the duvet to give Tom's body more room for movement and he puts his hand between the bedpost and his face. 

He sees the color of Tom's cream colored boxers get darker. With a sigh, he gently kisses Tom's cheek. 

“It's okay, baby. You're doing real good, you're almost done. Then you'll breathe and go to sleep, okay.”

Tom's muscles eventually start to go to more subtle jerks and his breathing is mostly nasally. All at once he goes still and starts to breathe very loudly. Georg sighs and lays his head on the bed by Tom's stomach. He doesn't know why this has been happening and he has no choice anymore. After cleaning up Tom, the bed and the bathroom, he falls asleep next to Tom. The next morning, while Tom's sleeping, he calls Tom's neurologist and schedules an appointment. He doesn't want to see his boyfriend suffer anymore. He's sick of watching him have to quit something because he's tired or having auras. 

The night however, has a negative effect on Tom's psyche. Georg notices that Tom's shutting himself off. He notices it when Tom quits after having jerks at breakfast and just locks himself in the room. When Georg gives him his medication injection, he doesn't flinch or even thank Georg he just looks out the window with a sad look of longing. The brunette can't take seeing his fiancé be so listless and wants to do whatever he can to make him feel less helpless. He tries to think of moments when Tom's himself and not angry at the world. 

He finds him sitting in the den, strumming his guitar and humming the lyrics to an old Tokio Hotel song, Ich Bin Nicht Ich. Georg feels horrible that his boyfriend has to deal with his own personal demons and the sad fact that he'll never truly understand him. He quietly watches for a little while longer until Tom notices his standing there. 

“What's up?” Tom sighs. 

“Let's go somewhere,” Georg announces. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Let's go out and do something. Like let's go eat or something. I just wanna get you out of the house.”

“Georg….”

“No, I'm serious. Let's go out and eat something or do something. Please let me do this for you.”

He puts his guitar down and stares into Georg's green eyes which are more visible because his hair is pulled back. 

“Fine, let's go out.”

Tom stands and walks over to his fiancé, placing a single kiss on his lips. Georg feels happy that he's somehow gotten through to his boyfriend who was unnaturally upset earlier. Tom is quiet in the car but not sad quiet. Georg sees the intensity and the repeated swallowing, but he doesn't bring attention to it. This is Tom's day not seizures’ day. 

Once in the little restaurant, Georg feels Tom squeeze his hand. He looks over at his boyfriend, who's eyes dart around in his head glancing at all the people. He squeezes back, pulling Tom out of his daze. Tom shoots him a weak smile and then looks down. The brunette sees how uncomfortable Tom's getting, especially when they sit in the booth. Tom's constantly looking over his shoulder and scooting closer to the wall. 

“Babe, you okay?”

“Huh?! Oh um, y---yeah,” Tom croaks. 

“Are you sure? You look a little bugged,” Georg says. 

“Just tired.”

He glances back at the menu and squeezes Georg's leg under the table. 

“So, tell me, have you talked to Bill since Paris?” Georg asks. 

He looks at Tom and sees that he's abandoned his menu and is staring very hard at a point in the seat in front of him. He's chewing but there's nothing in his mouth and he's messing with his shirt. 

“Tom? Come back to me babe. Come on, come back to me.”

He puts his menu down and turns his body completely to Tom. He silently curses and gently caresses Tom's head, trying to ease him through this. Once Tom blinks and Georg can tell he's focused his vision, he makes Tom look at him. 

“Wanna go?” Georg asks. 

“I'm sorry…” Tom whimpers. 

Georg kisses him and gets up from the booth. 

“It's not your fault.”

Georg can see the shame evident on Tom's face. The couple gets back to the car, with no photographers surprisingly, and Georg starts driving back to their house. 

“I'm sorry, Georg. I really wanted to spend this day with you,” Tom groans. 

“Really? You seemed out of it this morning?”

“Seizures take a toll on my mental stability. I needed a moment to recollect myself.”

Georg nods and looks back at the road. There's a silent soundtrack of breathing and Tom occasionally shifting in his seat. Georg glances at Tom's body occasionally thinking of the last time they had sex. That was a long time ago. Mostly Georg's been giving handjobs, maybe the occasional blowjob. He turns back to the road and is about to start driving when Tom's arm swings out in front of him. He looks over and sees that Tom's in the evil grasp of another seizure. He quickly removes both seatbelts and quickly places a hand on Tom's chest. His car is good for many things, seizures are not in that list. 

Tom's arms reach outward and he pretty much bangs his hands on the dashboard. Georg takes a deep breath and holds Tom's body in place while he seizes. 

“I'll get you help, I promise. Don't give up, keep fighting. You're almost done. Just come back to me and breathe.”

It ended almost as fast as it started and Georg feels instantly more responsible for his fiancé, knowing he'd have to be around him more because the frequency and the severity is starting to reach dangerous levels and that alone has Georg shaking in his boots.


	5. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

Tom's been too sick lately. Even Bill has to admit it. Being sleepy is one thing but nearly passing out on stage four times is another. We've been rehearsing and I've had to keep my boyfriend from eating the floor. It took a lot to actually make him sit down and take a break from working. He was clearly out of it and I didn't like that he's having more of these cluster seizures. He dropped seven guitars and eight glass things in our house. I caught him during a drop seizure and guided him away from the stairs during one of his seizures that make him wander around randomly. 

We were driving to the hospital when he had an absence. I saw the hard swallowing and the blinking. He is confused when we park at the clinic. 

“What are we doing here?”

“Tom, I know you were supposed to be here later in the week but you've been having more seizures and it's scaring me,” I admit. 

“Georg I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping.”

“Tom, we live together and you've been asleep a good eighty five percent of the time! Look, just get checked out, please,” I plead. 

He rolls his eyes and groans. 

“Fine but I'm not happy about this.”

“Why not? You're getting checked out finally,” I sigh. 

“Georg----.”

He stops talking and stares right at the dashboard. His hand starts to pick at his shirt and he starts chewing. 

“Dammit, Tom look at me.”

I snap my fingers in his face but know for a fact he's a little too far gone for me to get him back. I turn around in my seat and carefully place a hand on his forearm. 

“It's okay, baby. Just relax, I'm right here.”

His eyes move a little and deviate from the spot he was staring at and he looks at me. 

“Georg?”

“I'm right here. See, babe, this is why I brought you here. Something's wrong; a chemical imbalance or an injury or your medication isn't right. Just please, let them check you out,” I plead. 

“O---okay but I'm really tired.”

“Want me to carry you?”

“No, but you can help me walk and be my crutch,” he smiles. 

I get out of the car first and go to his side. He leans most of his body weight onto me as we walk. He can feel him trembling in my arms. We get to the doors when he has another drop seizure, making him dead weight in my arms. 

“Dammit! Tom, come on, pull out of it,” I curse. 

I pick him up bridal style and carry him into the clinic. We meet his doctor in the entrance.

“What happened?”

“He had another drop seizure by the door,” I groan. 

“Okay, bring him to my office.”

I carry him through the double doors and lay him gently on the examination table in her office. She grabs a stethoscope and checks his breathing and his heart. His eyes are rolled upward and you can see the whites. 

“Tom? Can you hear me? It's Dr. Niere.”

It takes about five minutes but he blinks and groans. He turns his head away from the lights and I can hear the discomfort in his voice. 

“Hey, you're back. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit, what happened?”

“You had a small seizure in the parking lot. Nothing too serious but Georg's been telling me that these seizures are more frequent and your threshold has gone up.”

He tries to sit up but she places her hand on his chest and gently pushes him back. 

“Just relax, we can talk like this.”

“I've been waking up in my own piss a lot more than usual I guess you can say.”

“How long have you been having more seizures?”

“Uh, a couple of weeks now, right Georg?”

“Yeah, since New York he's been having more fits lately.”

“Tom have you been compliant with your medication?” She asks. 

“Yes, I haven't missed a dosage. I've just been tired I guess.”

“Tom, you've been sleeping fine….well until your seizures wake us both up,” I sigh. 

“So you've been seizing in your sleep too?”

“Yeah, I wake up from a restful slumber and he's sitting on the edge of the bed or he's standing in the doorway looking very lost and confused,” I admit. 

“Georg's right. I've been having attacks as soon as I get into a deep sleep.”

“We'll run a MRI, CAT scan and EEG and see what's going on up there, so sit tight while I get that all sorted out.”

Tom sits rather quietly. He seems almost disappointed based on his very dim expression. He plays with his fingers and avoids my gaze. 

“Babe, are you okay?”

“No, I feel so shitty. It's been so long since I've had any complications with my epilepsy.”

“What was it like before I met you?”

“I couldn't leave my house without headgear. I had so many seizures that the floor was a hazard. My mom got carpet put down to reduce injuries and she got the railing on our stairs thickened in case I started shaking while descending them. My step dad always watched me while I played with Bill to make sure I didn't get hurt when I had a seizure.”

“When?”

“They were so frequent it wasn't if it was when,” he sighs. 

_“I'm going to catch you, Billa!”_

_“Nu-uh, I'm super fast!”_

_Both boys enjoyed a fun game in their backyard. Tom suddenly stops running and collapses into the grass._

_“Mommy! Daddy! Tomi’s doing it again!” The eight year old screams._

_His tiny body jerks out of his control and he wets his shorts. The mother runs out to the yard and takes her son into her arms and brings him inside and lays him on the couch._

_“It's alright, Tomi. Bibi's right here and so is mama. I need you to breath for mommy, okay? Just take a deep breath.”_

I sit quietly in the hospital waiting for them to bring my fiancé back from all his testing. I busy myself with my hands and my phone. Angry birds being my main medium for entertainment right now. I just have to get my mind off of Tom right now. He's really sick and I just….I'm scared to lose him. It's terrifying to watch the one you love going through constant seizures and ending up exhausted and fatigued and begging for a moment to catch his breath. 

I'm still scared that one day I'll wake up and Tom's going to be gone. I don't want to experience that….ever. 

When they finally brought him back, he looked so tired. I held him up while we waited for the doctor to discharge him. 

“So, how's he doing?”

“I sent the results to another tech to fully examine them. We did a mini interview in the room before the MRI and he tells me that he's been feeling off for quite a while and just doesn't know why.”

“Tom's been complaining about feelings of nausea and headaches. He has also been vomitting after seizures which used to only happen during focal seizures.”

“Well once we get the results back I'll be able to confidently tell you what's wrong? Right now all I have is guesses.”

“Oh, okay. Should I take him home then?”

“That would be best and I'll call you as soon as I get any news,” she smiles. 

I carefully brought him to my car and helped him get inside. 

“How are you feeling?”

“10x more drained than I did this morning.”

He leans back in the car seat and closes his eyes. I can hear the soft snores of him slipping into slumber and my whole body immediately relaxes. Tom's been so out of it lately and I'm worried that he's going to be unprepared for the tour. I'd rather my fiancé stay home and rest but I know that the label won't even allow that. He's gotta perform and he's gotta be there. That doesn't make me feel any better. 

It takes a lot of strength to carry him up the stairs and put him to bed. My eyes catch the sight of his ring. The one I gave him. The label won't let us get married. I can't be with the one I love. Why? Why would the world play such a sick cruel joke like this on us?!

I lay down behind Tom and gently play with his loose hairs at the end of his braids. I love when we can be close and nothing in this world can interrupt us. I don’t really have much time with him because the label likes to do all they can to keep us apart. They make him either do some inane interview with Bill or they’ll have us sit worlds apart during appearances. Whenever we sit together, I am told to keep my hands away from him. I can’t even make jokes. I know it seems stupid to abide by these rules and even stay with them but they’ve done great for our band and I don’t want to be the one to take that away from him. Tom needs this and so do I. I mean we live in a big house and we all have cars which is all paid for thanks to the hard work of the label. 

The next morning, at breakfast, Tom sits very quietly in front of Georg. He sips his coffee and silently listens to the voices in his head as they make him anxious. He doesn’t know what could be going on in his head and he’s terrified to find out what could be wrong. It could be his medication and that’s an easy fix, up the dosage and the seizures are controlled. It could be stress and that’s easy to fix to, just take a week and do absolutely nothing. Tom is a little more concerned that it might actually be something surgical and he’s not ready for that. He doesn’t want his head cut open and a part of his brain removed. He doesn’t want to go through a recovery process.

“Hey, Tom-cat, you alright?”

“Hmm? Yeah, I’m just---.”

“Tired?”

“Wha? Oh no, I was going to say preoccupied.”

He nods and returns to his omelet. He doesn’t know what to think of Tom’s really sudden silent act. He watches him carefully and gets real attentive when Tom freezes up a little. He isn’t seizing though, just thinking. What if he has a tumor? Or a clot? Or inflammation? He knows all those things can be hazardous to his health. He’s basically giving himself grey hairs over this. Stressing over this subject is going to drive him crazy.

“Gustav is in town and wants to hang out with us, you down?”

“Georg, you should go hang out with Gustav or something….without me,” Tom says.

“What?”

“I mean we spend a lot of time together and you guys should go alone and without me. Have a few drinks, have fun. I’ll be fine.”

Georg looks at his fiance with a shocked expression on his face. He didn’t know that Tom was capable of even making that decision. He usually hates when Georg goes out drinking because then he’s got to deal with drunken sex and he doesn’t like how Georg gets all sloppy and slobbery and just messy. 

“If you’re sure?”

“I am, have fun. I have stuff to do anyway,” he smiles.

\-----------

As he sits in the limo, all the brunette can think of is, Tom. He’s all alone with no one and any number of things can happen. He’s suddenly very scared to even be out with Gustav at this moment. He glances down at his phone several times before the blonde snatches it away and chucks it into his bag on the floor.

“Dude!”

“This is your bachelor party! Stop checking your phone, Tom is fine.”

“How do you know that? 

“If he needs you, you’ll know. Now, can we please have fun?”

Georg crosses his arms and looks away from his chubbier friend. They go to their first bar of the night and he has Tom on his mind. 

Tom is at home alone on his laptop checking emails and responding. Bill’s been drunk texting him since Georg left that afternoon. He hasn’t replied to all of them but a good deal of them. He decides to go get water because his head hurts. He goes to the stairs and stops at the top. The world around him is spinning and he feels instantly sick. His hands fumble in his pockets as he tries to get his phone out. In his shaky, sweaty palms he manages to get to Georg's contact and press the name. 

No one picks up. 

The small mobile device slips from his fingertips and his knees buckle beneath him. The younger male goes toppling down the stairs and gets rigid at the bottom. His body is convulsing out of his control and there's no one to help him. 

Georg is too nervous to enjoy the night out with his cousin and best friend, Gustav. 

“Green giant, you have been mopey, worry wart all fucking night! What's the deal man?!”

“Tom's been really sick lately and I feel like crap that I'm out here and he's all alone. Look, Gusti, I have to go back. I have to check on him.”

Georg rushes out of the club and catches a cab back to his house. He fumbles with putting his key into the lock and pushes the door open. 

“Tom?!”

He rushes to his side and sees blood leaking from his mouth and his cheek. It doesn't take long for him to call for emergency services. 

“What's your emergency?”

“My boyfriend is unconscious and he has seizures. I think he may have fallen down the stairs during a seizure,” he says hurriedly. 

“Okay, we've tracked your location, is he breathing?”

“Yes, he's breathing.”

“Is he injured?”

“There's blood coming out of his mouth and his cheek is cut. There's also a bruise on his left arm.”

“Alright, just put him on his side and wait for the ambulance.”

Georg hangs up and sits on the floor next to Tom. He pulls him onto his side and then puts his head on his shoulder. 

“Tom, I'm so sorry. I should've stayed here with you,” he whimpers. 

It didn't leave his fiancé alone until they pry them apart in the emergency room. He sits out in the waiting area and hides his face in his hands. He doesn't know if he should contact Bill or his mother in law. He just doesn't know. He soon realizes he left his phone. His tired eyes find the hospital pay phone and he makes his way over to it. He's not about to wake sleeping beauty, so he decides to call Simone. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, its Georg,” he says. 

“Oh, hello dear, is everything alright?”

“No, it's not. Tom had a seizure and is in the hospital,” he whimpers. 

“Oh god, I'm on my way. Just stay calm Georg,” she says. 

“I'll try.”

He hangs up and his body crumples to the ground. The hospital staff watches as the grown man sobs loudly on the linoleum floor. They don't interfere or try to stop him. He's clearly hurting and they know it. A kind nurse drapes a blanket on him and gives him a gentle kiss on the cheek. 

“He'll be alright baby. Don't you worry.”

He sniffles but doesn't stop crying. Simone soon arrives, still in her pajamas. She must've been off work today. 

“Georg?”

She gets down on the floor with him and engulfs him in a hug. 

“I failed him,” Georg sobs. 

“How?”

“I went out with Gustav and I didn't answer my phone. I saw that he called me. He needed me and I didn't pick up,” he whimpers. 

“Georg, you can't blame yourself. Come on, let's get you to a seat, alright?”

“Okay,” he sniffles.

With a huff, she gets the large man to a seat and still holds him as if she is consoling her own child. She brushes his hair back and rocks him in her arms. Georg's not very emotional, in fact this is the most she's seen him get. Tom's name is called and both adults rush to the doctor. 

“How is he?”

“He's a little banged up and very confused but all around okay. We ran a few tests and nothing's broken. He's just a little shaken up.”

“So can we see him?”

“Definitely,” she says. 

They follow the woman to room Tom's being held in. Georg can't believe how drained his fiancé looks and how pale either. He looks like he's on his deathbed. Georg takes Tom's hand once he's on the side of the bed and kisses his knuckles. 

“Hey, baby, how are you feeling?”

“Awful,” he croaks, “what happened?”

“You had a seizure and fell down the stairs,” Georg sighs. 

“Oh,” he slurs. 

“Tomi, it's mommy, I missed you. I wish I didn't have to see you in this condition,” she smiles weakly. 

“I wish it was different too, mom,” Tom slurs yet again. 

“Babe, you okay?”

“Yeah, the pain meds for my mouth are….are something else.”

Tom suddenly shoots up and lets out a gut wrenching scream. 

“Simone, get a doctor or a nurse or someone he's having another one!”

Georg gently holds Tom on his side as his body goes rigid. He doesn't want him to hurt himself on the metal bed railing. A doctor with three nurses comes running in and they shoo Georg out, leaving him with nothing but a stained memory of his fiancé turning blue and convulsing. 

It's about three hours before the worried pair gets any updates. The doctor over his case comes out with a very grime look and a very full folder. 

“Kaulitz?”

They both walk over and he takes a deep breath. 

“Tom had two more seizures each about thirty minutes apart. We've decided as a team to keep him for two more days to make sure he's alright,” he says. 

“Okay, I guess that's fine if he's that sick,” Georg reasons. 

“Can we see him?” The worried mother asks. 

He gestures to the door and both follow him up to Tom's room. He's sleeping on the bed and has several machines attached to him. Georg never wanted to see his love this way. He knew even clearer than before that something was seriously wrong. Georg held onto Tom's hand and held back his tears. He didn't like when Tom got this way. It made him sick. Simone covers her mouth with her hand and takes a deep breath before getting closer to the bed. This is the third time she's seen her son in this predicament. It doesn't make it any easier. 

“Georg, let's go get some coffee, we both know our nerves could use it.”

She takes the brunette into the cafeteria and they both sit at the circular table with piping hot cups of cheap coffee. Georg's gotten used to the taste of the expensive (2000 Euros) Colombian coffee that Tom's most likely to purchase. He still sips the black sludge though. 

“Tell me Simone, I've asked Tom but what was it like when he was a child?”

“Nerve wracking. I was on edge every day and so was his step father. We didn't let them know that though. We kind of worried in the shadows.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, we only showed our worry when something happened. Well my husband did, I stayed calm and did all I could to help him. The seizures were pretty bad back then. Now they're more controlled….at least they were.”

“Do you think we should call Bill and let him know that Tom's here?”

“No, then he'll fly out here and be a drama queen. There are things that we should tell him and things we shouldn't. We'll tell him once Tom's been discharged and don't say he had three seizures. Bill will panic if we do.”

“Is that, I don't know, appropriate? Tom's his twin and he worried about him,” Georg says. 

“I know my son. Bill will blow this whole thing out of proportion and make it worse than it is. Tom's in the hospital and he's getting help. We don't need Bill getting all worked up.”

He sighs and takes another sip of his coffee. You know how they say speak of the devil and he shall appear. Well Bill’s name pops up on Georg's phone and he nearly spits out his coffee. 

“Hey, Bill,” Georg sighs. 

“Georg, what's going on with Tom? I'm in his head and I can feel that he's sick, what happened?! Is he okay?!”

“One that will never sit well with me because it's strange to know that you can read his thoughts and shit. I can't imagine us…..never mind. Two, Tom's fine. Just a stomach ache from some bad shrimp from dinner last night.”

“Let me speak to him.”

“He's sleeping and in a great deal of pain so I don't wanna wake him,” Georg lies. 

“You're lying. Tomi always talks to me when he's sick, Georg what's going on? Where's my brother?”

He can hear the sound of Bill slowly about to cry but he can also hear the slurred speech and the small hiccups. He's drunk. 

“Bill, how much have you had to drink?”

“Answer my fucking question!”

“Yup, you're drunk. Bill, take a nap and call me once you've sobered up and I'll gladly answer any question you have for me.”

He didn't mean to hang up like that but he knew that the singer wasn't in his right mind. Telling him any news on the guitarist’s condition right now would lead to a possible break down. Georg often wondered what exactly was leading to the younger twin getting drunk so earlier in the day or what's making him get shitfaced everyday. He's just been enjoying his liquor a little more than usual. Freshly twenty one and already buying booze. 

“Bill is drunk?”

“Looks like it. He's been drinking a little more than usual. I'm not going to get into it,” Georg sighs. 

He finishes his coffee and goes back to Tom's room. He sits down in a chair by his bed and holds his hand. His heavy head lands right on the bed and he falls asleep. Simone watches from the door. She hasn't seen someone be this way because it's mostly her and she never knew someone could love Tom as much as his family. Georg was the perfect person for her son and she knew it. 

After two days of Georg carefully watching over his fiancé, Tom is finally released. He's exhausted and he can't wait to take a long shower to wash away the icky layer that sits on his skin. He also had his hair loose to release the tense headache that is slowly building. Georg holds his hand tightly while signing the discharge papers. The doctor sends them off with the recommendation that Tom gets more sleep. He doesn't disagree and even falls asleep in the car. The bassist carries his boyfriend up the stairs and places him down on the bed. Tom's face is so relieved and Georg couldn't be happier that Tom's finally going to have a restful sleep but he doesn't want any interruptions. 

He slips into the bathroom and gets the syringe with one of Tom's daily injections of medication. He carefully pulls down his fiancé's waistband and gives him the shot. He kisses his forehead and takes a deep breath. 

“You'll rest tonight, and tomorrow and the next day. I promise.”


	6. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning this chapter has a cringe moment.

“Focus, Tom. You wanted to do all this crap in the show and now you're fucking up,” Bill curses. 

“Sorry, I'm not in it right now.”

Georg looks over at Tom who's trying his hardest to keep up with everyone but it's obvious that he's tired. He doesn't want a repeat of two weeks prior. Bill still doesn't know. Tom's sticking to the ‘stomachache’ story too. He'd rather avoid having that conversation with his twin. He feels Georg worrying about him is more than enough. He doesn't need twin bro on his ass too. 

“I'm fine guys, let's go from the top.”

Tom plays his guitar as best as he could but everyone could hear his fingers slipping on the strings. Georg looks over when he hears the guitarist hit a sour note. Tom looks embarrassed but doesn't say anything. He just changes the output and starts strumming again. Georg puts his bass down and walks over to Tom. 

“Babe, we're taking a break. Just relax,” Georg says. 

He shrugs the brunette off and starts to strum again. 

“Tom, it's okay. Just relax we can take some time to take a break.”

“I have to rehearse we are behind and everything is just falling apart,” Tom sighs. 

“Nothing is falling apart. You're just tired and stressed. I have a way to easily….alleviate that stress.”

He pulls his guitar from his fiancé and puts it down on the stand. He starts kissing him and slowly brings those thin lips to Tom's neck causing the younger man to quiver. 

“Let's go, tomcat.”

He brings his fiancé up to their hotel room and locks the door. He pushes him down on the bed and slowly removes the clothing that covered Tom's toned body. He smiles at the even tan that spreads across his young lover's body. 

“Georg, I don't think my body's ready for….this.”

“At least try, I miss this….our intimacy.”

Tom looks away from from his fiancé briefly before sighing. 

“Okay, but just go slow with me, okay?”

Georg nods and slowly removes his own clothing followed by Tom's pants and underwear. Georg pays close attention as he gives his all to his younger fiancé. Tom starts feeling strange but assumes it's because of the sex. Soon he feels light headed and is instantly worried. 

“Georg….hold on somethings wrong.”

“Hold on babe, I'm almost there, just let me….finish.”

“No, Ge….Georg something is really wrong,” Tom slurs. 

Before Georg can even think, Tom's body clenches up and he's stuck in a panic. 

“Babe, it's okay, uh just relax can you relax? I can't help you in this uh position,” Georg stammers. 

He realizes it's too late and is thrown into the most horrific situation he's ever been in. Tom's having a seizure and he's stuck on top of him. He gently caresses Tom's face no matter how awkward and unconventional the positioning is. Nothing is scarier than having your boyfriend convulsing beneath you while you were having sex. As soon as he can get loose, he quickly does and crouches by Tom's side. 

“It's almost over and you did great baby. Just breathe and come back to me, okay,” Georg cooes. 

Tom's body grows still and he takes deep guttural breaths. It does not take long for the blonde to wake up and start to freak out. 

“Shh, it's okay. You're alright. Just relax,” Georg whispers. 

“I'm sorry….” Tom sighs before drifting off to sleep. 

Georg takes a sigh of relief but that doesn't stop him from getting dressed and wandering out to the balcony to think. With cigarette in hand, he smokes and starts to analyze what he has with Tom. It's not like he doesn't love his fiancé but he's wondering if he's ready to be his husband when he has to also deal with being the main beneficiary to him. He continues to take drags from the cancer stick and thinks of the first time he ever saw Tom's seizures. 

_‘I don't get why you even eat this crap, it's purely calories.’_

_‘I like my chicken nuggets, Georg. Every day after school from the age of six, my mother took Bill and I to McDonald's and we always got the same thing. Four piece McNuggets with a small fry.’_

_‘It's still gross. Yet you wonder why you've gained weight. The fans notice you know.’_

_‘Do they? Well I don't care, food is food,’ Tom laughs._

_Georg takes one of Tom's fries and flings it at the teen, making him giggle. He is so happy with him and doesn't want anything to change. He finally has Tom there for him and he finally is with someone who doesn't judge him for his excessive need to stay in shape._

_‘So what's the plan for….’_

_‘Tom? Are you okay?’_

_The teen stares right at Georg with a blank expression and the brunette has no idea what's going on. He taps Tom's hand but the younger boy doesn't budge._

_‘Hey, what's up? Are you alright?’_

_He gets up and stands next to Tom, at the same time trying to figure out what's wrong. The teen gets up but it's obvious he's not in his head. Georg gently puts his hands on Tom's arm and gently makes him sit back down._

_‘Tom, can you hear me? What's going on?’_

_Georg can feel Tom's body trembling in his hands and he can see Tom's blink rate has drastically increased. He panics when the teen starts jerking and falls onto him._

_‘Whoa, uh Tom, what'd you take?! What's going on? Tom, goddamit! Can you hear me?! What the fuck is happening right now?’_

_He gently brings him to the floor and his heart races as he watches his boyfriend convulse on the ground of their shared dining room._

_‘Bill, I need to call your brother.’_

_Georg, after taking a minute to calm down, calls Bill and is instantly relieved when the young boy answers._

_‘Hello, Georg what's up? I'm still at the grocery store with Gustav, he spent all of our----.’_

_‘Tom's doing something really weird and I'm freaking out right now! Help me!’ Georg cries._

_‘Is he shaking? Like eyes rolled up, groaning shaking?’_

_‘Yeah, we were eating and he just….started this.’_

_‘He's just having a seizure. It's okay. Just get him on his side and stay with him. I should be home soon. Let it ride out and don't restrain him, nothing in the mouth and if it last longer than five minutes call emergency,’ Bill instructs._

_‘Uh, okay.’_

_He puts the phone down and drops to his knees. Tom's still suffering at the hands of his attack and Georg's trying to muster the emotional strength to help his younger boyfriend._

_‘Uh it's okay, Tom. I'm here….uh, oh please don't do that. Babe, your face, you're gonna, oh jeez, okay, um….get you on your side. Let's get you on your side.’_

_He slowly pulls his to his side and blood starts flowing from his mouth._

_‘Shh, it's okay. I'm here, babe. To be honest, I'm practically shitting my pants right now. I don't like seeing you like this and it's very scary. I know you can't hear me but….I need you to pull out of this seizure. I love you and right now it's looks like you're dying and about to leave me and I….I don't want to be in this world without you, so please just come out of it.’_

_Georg watches Tom's body slow down and soon his once convulsing body is still. His breaths of rough and Georg notices that Tom's pants even appear wet._

_‘Tomi? Tom? Hey, can you hear me?’_

_Tom coughs a few times and falls asleep, only to be woken by Georg shaking him._

_‘Hmm?’_

_‘Are you okay? Can you hear me?’_

_Tom looks around with his eyes and then nods at Georg, which leads to him hugging the blonde._

_‘I was so worried,’ he admits._

Georg turns when he hears that Tom's awakened fully. He tosses the butt of his smoke over the edge and looks at his fiancé through the glass, soon stepping inside. 

“Hey….I'm so sorry that happened,” Tom says with obvious guilt. 

“Tom, I basically stood outside and tried to decide if dating and marrying you is even worth it. I have to deal with this….unpredictability during every aspect of my life and I don't know if I want to.”

“Wha?! Georg, what are you saying?”

“Tom, be honest with me, please? No fighting. Are you taking your medication? Be honest, please?”

“Yes I am, Georg. Something else isn't working but it's not the medication.”

Georg looks away and leans on the rail of the balcony. Tom walks a little closer but doesn't touch Georg or even look at him. He bits his lip and takes a deep breath. 

“Georg, do you wanna….leave me?”

“....”

“Do you?! I'm asking you a fucking question!”

“What are you expecting, Tom?! I can't even make love to you without you having a fucking fit and I sure as fuck don't know what's going on with you.”

“I'm sorry if I can't control my brain, Georg! You're making it seem like this is my fault! Like I asked for that to happen when your fucking dick was inside of me!”

“You could've just told me you didn't want to have sex!”

“You know what?! I'm sick of this! Why are you blaming me for my epilepsy?! Why do you make me feel like it's my fault for having seizures?! Georg, I want to feel safe and loved but all you do is make me feel….”

“Feel what?! What do I make you feel?!”

“Weak! I feel weak around you! You yell at me as if I know what's going on and I don't! I'm as just much at a loss as you!”

“Well maybe if you took better care of yourself and stopped stressing over stupid shit, shit like what just happened wouldn't fucking happen!”

Tom turns away from Georg and goes back inside the room. He sits down on the bed and starts crying, feeling slightly humiliated because he knows if the fans knew how sensitive he really was they'd most likely laugh. It's just so hard for him to fight with Georg. He's honestly scared and doesn't know how to even function. 

He wanted Georg to be his rock but it looks like that's not going to happen. He takes a deep breath and wipes away the tears that fell onto his cheeks. Georg has walked into the room and is looking at Tom. 

“Tom….I didn't mean what I said,” he sighs. 

“Of course you did or you wouldn't have said it.”

“I'm just worried about you, this is happening entirely too often!”

“Georg….I'm genuinely scared that when I go see that doctor on Saturday she's gonna tell me I'm dying. You think it's bad for you, trying being me for just a minute. I've gotta do a formal fucking press conference admitting to all our fans that I'm a freak! My medicine isn't working and I nearly hurt you! You think I'm not fucking stressed out too?! Georg, I've got more to lose in all this shit! So for once do me a fucking favor and see that this isn't about you.”

The bassist looks at his fiancé and can see his clearly annoyed. Georg sits down next to Tom and sighs. 

“We need a break,” Georg says. 

“What?”

“You and I need to get away,” Georg starts, “away from the label and the band and your brother and the fame and just live.”

“Oh sure like that'd change anything.”

“It would help our relationship Tomi. I love you and I'm starting to feel like I losing you.”

“Blame yourself for that,” Tom sneers. 

“I do blame myself because I'm just as stressed as you.”

Tom crosses his arms and looks at the brunette with a displeased glance and expression on his lips. He wasn't about to forget that Georg basically blamed him for what happened and he wasn't going to forget that he basically said he was thinking of leaving him. He couldn't forget that. 

“Where do you suppose we go?”

“Uh, LA, somewhere we can just hide and Germany isn't that place.”

“So you think we should pick up and leave London and just go, just go to Los Angeles?”

“Yeah, so you and I can get this much needed time to actually talk about what's going on in your head.”

“Georg….you think four days in LA will be good for us,” Tom sighs. 

“Yes, I do. Just please, work with me. Then we'll come back and then we'll see your doctor.”

“Better idea, I'll postpone the appointment for two weeks. If we are going to take time off and leave, we are going to do just that.”

“But Tom, aren't you curious about your results?”

“Oh I am, and that's exactly why I'm putting it off it's driving me insane. I need time to fully understand that whatever that Doctor says could mean that I'm either going to live or die,” Tom says, “that's why I can't think about it and I need time to just steady myself.”

“Okay, you call your neurologist and I'll get the plane tickets.”

Tom nods and disappears into the bathroom. Georg is honestly excited to get some time away with his fiancé, something he doesn't get often.

•••••

“What do you mean they left?!” Bill cries.

“They did, they called us earlier and said they needed some time because Tom's exhausted and Georg went with him,” Mr. Douglas explains. 

Bill stomps his booted foot and groans. The twenty year old storms out of the office and stands outside by his car. He thought it was strange when Tom's hotel room was empty but didn't think he'd just leave the fucking country with Georg without telling him. 

“Hey, you going to be okay?”

“Don't touch me, Gustav! Don't you ever touch me again!”

“Relax, diva. It's not like I'm the one who ran off with your brother,” Gustav jokes. 

“Not funny, Gustav! Look, I am a little preoccupied with the fact that my brother left and I have no idea where he went, I know he wouldn't go to Germany because that'd be the first place I'd look.”

“Sorry, but don't you think you're overreacting,” Gustav sighs, “I mean he's old enough to make a decision to leave with his fiancé.”

“Excuse me?! Don't tell me how to react! Tom's been so different lately and I don't entirely trust him with Georg. With the way they've been fighting it's almost as if they want to murder each other!”

“That sounds like a Georg and Tom problem not like a Bill and Gustav problem,” Gustav chuckles. 

Bill shoves the drummer and glares at him. He grips his collar and shoves him into the wall. 

“Look, my brother should've fucking talked to me before gallivanting to another fucking country!”

He let the bigger man go and walked to his car. He sits on the driver's seat, angry and slamming his fists onto the steering wheel. 

“LA,” Bill chuckles, “they went to LA. I know they did because it's the only place they can hide.”

Bill picks up his phone and dials Georg. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, it's Bill, why would you take off without fucking telling me?!”

“Look, Tom's really tired and needs time. I did it for him,” Georg sighs. 

He's getting real tired of Bill being possessive of his twin. It's like he can't do a damn thing without Bill getting crazy and neurotic about it. 

“I'm really tired of you doing this, Georg! I'm sick of you making decisions that could jeopardize my brother's health. Put him on the phone,” Bill sneers. 

“He's sleeping. Look, why don't you just get over yourself, Princess.”

“Get over myself! You left the country last night with my brother and didn't fucking tell me! How am I supposed to feel knowing that my brother went somewhere and I didn't know where?!”

“Bill, he's grown. He can leave whenever he wants to!”

Yet again, Tom's upset to hear yelling when this is supposed to be his break. He decides to go grab a drink and he spots Georg on the phone with someone who's obviously making him angry. 

When he hears Bill’s name he stands by to hear what Georg is saying. 

“My brother is sick and you have him gallivanting all over the fucking country as if he's able to do that, he's now you know!”

“Bill, your brother isn't helpless. This break was because he needs time and since you obviously didn't see it, I took initiative to do something.”

“Oh of course you did, you just wanna….fuck my brother without interruptions!”

“Bill, I'm gonna hang up now because you're being not only irrational but I feel like you've hit the bottle one too many times.”

“My drinking has nothing to do with the fact that I'm fucking furious right now!”

Georg doesn't even dignify that with a response he just hangs up the stairs phone, making the younger male even more angry. 

“Was that Bill?”

“Tom?! Jeez, you scared me, yeah that was Bill.”

“Is he upset?”

“Yeah but when is he not upset.”

“I hate it when you fight with him, you know?”

“I don't like arguing with him but he's irrational like 99% of the time.”

“Is he really?”

Georg simply nods and pulls Tom closer to his body. He kisses his fiancé and gives him a hug. 

“Forget about him, okay? This break is for you and for us.”

“Alright, I'm still a little tired, I just came down to grab some water.”

He pecks Georg and goes into the kitchen. He passes an old photo of himself with Georg from the first big tour their band ever did. Bill had shorter black hair back then and he had long blonde dreadlocks. He remembers the first time he ever kissed Georg or even admitted liking the bassist. 

The guitarist gets his water and returns to his room, seeing the bed still bare of Georg. With a sigh he sits down on the bed and looks out the window. He feels dejected because the whole purpose for making the trip and for coming out was to actually take a break and spend time with each other yet Georg is off doing God knows what. He sips his water and puts it down, curling up into fetal position under the duvet. 

“It seems that he only cares when I'm having a fit,” Tom sighs sadly, “he doesn't care when I'm simply lonely and want to just hold him.”

His heart never pangs like this and he's starting to question his relationship with Georg. Nothing he's done has validated his erratic behavior or his sudden redirection to other thoughts and physical beings. Tom can hear the door opening but he doesn't turn around. Georg abandoned him to go play with his fucking phone, so he feels that a punishment is in order. 

“I'm going to grab breakfast want anything?”

“Egg sandwich with a coffee.”

“Kiss me goodbye?”

“You're coming back, so why would I do that?”

Georg chuckles and throws up his hands in surrender. 

“Alright, fair enough but I want a kiss when I get back.”

Tom only turns more into his side of the bed. Not thinking anything of it, Georg leaves. He can't believe that Georg didn't even ask him if he was okay. He knows Tom doesn't do simple answers yet he didn't question it. Georg doesn't even care. The guitarist doesn't say much to him when he returns even locking the brunette out of the room. 

“Tom? Is something wrong?”

“Oh you care now?”

“Did I do something?”

“Yeah, you haven't spent time with me!”

“Oh, Tom I'm sorry. I just, I wanted to cool off after talking with Bill.”

Tom looks away from Georg feeling like a little girl for getting upset with Georg for not staying after his argument with Tom's twin. 

“I'm sorry. I haven't been feeling well….” Tom trails off. 

“What's wrong? Headache or chest ache or nausea?”

“I don't know. I've been feeling strange since we got here.”

The bassist walks over to Tom and puts his hands on his shoulders. He bends down to get a better look at Tom's face. 

“Have you been sleeping good?”

“Yeah, I slept like a baby last night.”

“Okay, wanna lay down? Get some rest?”

“Sure, I think that would be best.”

He stands at his full height to help Tom lie down but the younger male stops him and starts to rub his eyes. 

“Aura?” Georg asks. 

“Mhmm,” Tom nods. 

He looks behind himself and Georg hopes that this will be the extent of the seizure, however he can see it's generalizing. He can see Tom's hands twitching and his lip is following suit. 

“Oh baby, I wish this wasn't happening today,” Georg cooes. 

He lays Tom down as best as he can and gets him onto his side. Georg for years has not been able to fully accept that his boyfriend has seizures. They scare him every time and they always surprise him, even now with the frequency. Tom's condition is getting worse and he knows it, the bassist only hopes that this….whatever it is causing it, won't kill his fiancé.

*****

It is too early for someone to be knocking on our door. Who the hell?! The brunette gets down to foyer and go to the door. He sees a very impatient Bill standing there with his arms crossed. With a annoyed sigh, he opens the door.

“What are you doing here? You know the paparazzi follows you everywhere and we could get caught together!”

“I want to see my brother,” he demands. 

“Tom's asleep right now, come back when it's not dead in the morning!”

“Tom's always up at this hour during the weekday playing his guitar to fully relax for the day, Georg. Where is he?”

“Your brother had a seizure yesterday, two actually and I wanted to let him sleep.”

“You are ridiculous! How do you take my brother all the way out here and he's not even better?!”

“Uh simple, I have no control over his head. He has seizures and that's something that we both have to realize before we both hurt him,” Georg groans. 

“Seriously, fuck you Georg. My brother was just fine before you made him go to the doctor. You've been doing something!”

“Bill, I hate seeing Tom sick almost as much as you why would I even do that?!”

Bill huffs like a little kid who just got beat with the “I'm the parent, so I am law” argument. He turns on his heels and goes right to the car he rented. 

“Fine! But Tom better call me as soon as he wakes up or I'll fucking kill you, Listing!”

With a sigh, Georg shuts the door and faces the stairs. He obviously is just too done with the bullshit to deal with Bill and his attitude. All Georg can think of is the deteriorating mind in his boyfriend's head.


	7. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

Georg hears the faint sounds of someone cursing somewhere in the house. The sun has barely risen and yet he could hear someone flipping out downstairs. The bassist gets out of the large bed and makes his way downstairs. Once he turns the corner into the kitchen, he sees Tom leaning on the counter, hands tightly gripping the marble counter top. 

“Tomi? Is everything alright?”

The guitarist looks up at his fiance and groans. Georg searches the room with his eyes and sees the broken glass on the ground.

“What happened?”

“I just wanted a glass of water and that’s all I remember next thing I know there’s water and broken glass on the ground, in the center of it all was me.”

With a loving sigh, Georg approaches his fiance and tries to hug him but Tom shoves him off. He doesn’t want to be held. He is sick of having to deal with all the nonsense of his epilepsy and losing moments in his life. He is so tired of everyone around him treating him like he’s a fucking china doll, teetering on a shelf. He swore he wasn’t broken but no one understood that. 

“Babe?”

“Don’t hug me, I’m not sick or anything….I am just so frustrated with everything!”

Georg holds Tom because he sees his body is shaking very visibly. He doesn’t want him to fall over and hurt himself.

“LET….ME….GO!”

“Tom, you can’t see it or feel it but you’re shaking right now and I don’t want you to fall,” Georg says.

“Get….your fucking hands….of me,” Tom slurs.

With a sigh, Georg gets Tom into a chair and looks into his eyes. He can see that they’re slightly dilated and he can even see the confusion in his eyes. He knows that Tom is fighting it and his body isn’t equipped to do that. 

“Babe, stop fighting it. I know it’s hard and it’s frustrating but you also can’t fight it. I’m here and you’re safe.”

Georg feels accomplished when he sees that Tom has stopped fighting but it’s nothing more than a cluster of myoclonic seizures. Once it’s over, Tom looks around to try and find himself. He knows that he’s with Georg but he can’t remember how he got to the place he’s currently in. 

“Are you back with me babe?”

“I wanna lay down. I feel nauseous.”

Georg helps his fiance get to their room and he puts a bucket by the edge of the bed. He tucks the guitarist in and kisses his cheek. He knows how much Tom just needs a moment to just be alone and not have to deal with all the negative effects his seizures cause. The bassist jumps a little when he hears the door and is upset to see Bill standing there.

“Bill? What is it?”

“Tom didn’t call me, I want to see him now, Listing.”

“This is not a good time, he just had a small cluster and he feels nauseous.”

Bill didn’t want to hear his mouth anymore and he shoves past the bassist and goes right up the stairs and sees his twin sitting on the bed in the midst of an absence seizure.

“Tomi? Are you okay? Can you hear me?”

He walks over and puts a hand to his brother’s face. Tom’s lip twitches but not like his seizure is progressing but more like it’s a part of the current attack. Once he sees Tom’s eyes start to deviate, the younger twin takes a deep breath. He can’t stand to see Tom this vulnerable or sick.

“Bill? When did you get here?”

“Tomi, tell me, is Georg denying something? Is he hurting you?”

“No….why?”

“You’ve been seizing entirely too much. Look, just tell me and he’s gone.”

Tom’s eyes rotate down and he looks away from his twin, pulling his hands out his younger brother’s grip. He can’t stand this; whenever Bill gets all protective and makes him feel like he’s going to just drop and have a seizure at any time. He just feels so weak and incapable.

“Tom, why are you----.”

“I don’t understand why I can’t just have a fucking moment to myself without you or Georg reminding me that I’ve had a seizure or without making me feel like I am not capable of taking care of myself.”

“Well, when you’re seizing, you can’t.”

“Am I seizing right now? Am I convulsing right now? Am I zoned out? Am I shaking?”

“No.”

“Then explain to me why are you talking to me as if I am a fucking child?! Bill, I am sick and tired of people like you treating me like I’m not a grown man! I am old enough to take care of myself.”

“Tom, we don't think you can't take care of yourself but we worry about you. Your threshold has gone up significantly since New York.”

“So that's why you and Georg both have been treating me like a sick puppy?! Bill I'm fucking fine, it was like this when we were kids and I was fine! Why won't either of you see that I don't want to be fucking coddled like this?!”

Bill backs away from his brother and scoffs. 

“So we aren't allowed to be worried about you?! Tom I've been going mad ever since you and fucking rapunzel down there left. You think it hurts only you when you have seizures! No it doesn't. I feel like a failure of a brother because I can't fucking protect you and half the time I don't even know what to do when you have seizures. It's like I can handle it when I'm with someone but as soon as we are alone I am confused. I have wished every day that you and I could trade places so that you don't have to suffer anymore. Of course that's just selfish of me because I'm just a fucking idiot who does nothing coddle you.”

“Yeah you do! I don't care if you're scared stop treating me like there's something wrong with me!”

“For fucksake there is something wrong with you! Tom, you're a fucking epileptic, just admit it! Stop pretending you're not fucking sick and you are!”

Tom stands up and gets into his brother's face. Bill backs up a little but doesn't entirely drop his guard. Tom's being irrational in his eyes and he doesn't want to hurt him but if he attacks he had to defend himself. 

“I'm so sick of being called sick! I am not sick Bill. Don't ever say that to me!”

“Tom, you have unpredictable seizures, what would you fucking call it besides sick?!”

“Get out! I don't want to hear your mouth anymore. All you fucking do is drink all damn day and then fucking complain about shit and on top of that, you bug the shit out of me when it's obvious I don't want to hear you complain about how tragic your basic life is!”

His younger twin can't believe the words that leave Tom's mouth. He backs up a little more and then storms out the door. He passes Georg on the way and gives him a pair of sad eyes before leaving the house completely. The brunette could hear them argue but not all of it. He goes upstairs and sees Tom sitting on the bed with his hands covering his face. 

“Bill left here in a hurry, is everything alright?”

“No it's not, Georg. I'm done with being seen as the sick kid. I'm tired of people like you and Bill and my mother treating me like I'm going to collapse at any second and I'm sick of being sick,” Tom sighs, “it's like I can't get a break and everything is just so fucking frustrating and tiresome and just plain old annoying.”

“You need rest. We have only a couple days left out here and I think we should spend it just relaxing in bed, watching old movies and eating grotesque amounts of fatty foods.”

“What about your diet?” Tom chuckles. 

“Eh, I could go for a cheat day.”

******

“Are you guys ready?” Bill asks the anxious group of men backstage minutes before their show.

“I feel really light but I think it's just nerves,” Tom admits. 

“You sure?” Georg asks. 

“Yeah I'll be fine.”

He gives the bassist a quick kiss before going to go grab a bottle of water and a towel to place on stage. It's strange to even think that their break was days ago and here they are starting their European tour with a whole new set list and a whole new stage and a whole new feel to it all. He runs a sweaty palm over his fresh cornrows and takes a deep breath. He had been feeling sick for quite a while but he made a promise to himself to not get sick during the tour. 

“Let's go, twin,” Bill chirps. 

They made up about two days prior and it was still rocky between them but they wouldn't let that affect the show and its success. He pulls him out to the stage and gets him into place before running over to the lift that'll bring him up into the middle of the egg that sat in the middle of the stage. Throwing quick thumbs up at all the crew and Gustav, he plugs in his inner ear and gets into stage mode. 

The show goes great for the first five songs. It's filled with energy and everyone is obviously having fun and it stops feeling overwhelmingly like work and more like a party. The fans are giving off great energy as usual and Bill is having fun with them and singing along with them. 

“How's everyone feeling tonight?” Bill calls out into the microphone. 

The crowd screams in response to him. 

“I'm really so happy to be here, in fact we all are. I wanted to welcome you to the humanoid city!”

They scream even louder as Bill skips back to the egg and faces the crowd from center stage. Tom's on cue with his guitar playing and he's doing his best but he starts getting confused and it's very visible and audible. Bill looks over and Tom shoots him a thumbs up. 

“Sorry about Tom but you know how bad of a guitar player he is,” Bill jokes even though he can sort of feel something is very wrong. 

He skips up the stairs until he's right next to Gustav. He belts out the rest of the song and goes to change his outfit for the next half. After Georg and Tom's guitar solos, the whole stage goes black and this gives Tom a moment to collect himself. The brunette crosses over and places a hand on Tom's shoulder. 

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I'm just a little excited that's all. I got lost in the music, it happens,” he lies. 

“Alright….just don't push it too far, if you feel sick you can run off stage if you have to, we can cover for you.”

He nods in agreement and strums his guitar a little to make sure it's in tune. The little intermission video stops and he snaps back into stage mode. WBMW starts and he gets ready to play his part. Bill is in his position and he opens up with the opening note. 

Tom starts seeing strange arrangements of color and tastes blood on his tongue. He looks around and tries to focus on something but his head is fuzzy and his hands clench on his guitar neck. 

Bill looks over when he hears Tom's not playing and fear sets into his stomach. His realization about what's about to happen comes to light when Tom randomly walks in a circle and then hits the edge and slips right off into the space between the barricade and stage. Georg hops off first and runs right to his fiancé and the guards keep people back. 

“Tom, look at me,” Georg says. 

He sees the blood and is scared that something is badly injured or worse. He gets the guitarist on his side and holds him gently as he convulses. He knows someone has called a medic because he can see them run over. The fans are going crazy and don't know what's going on and some even record the event. Georg knows he can't stop them so he just does his best to cover Tom because he knows the light are illuminating his body and he knows that the younger male has voided his bladder. The dark patch is pretty obvious. Once it hits five minutes, Georg's heart leaps into his mouth. 

“Babe, I'm sorry but you're gonna have to go to the hospital. I'm here for you so it's gonna be okay.”

He lets the medics put his shaking body into the gurney and he runs along side them as they transport Tom to the ambulance. Georg's phone vibrates in his pocket and he pulls it out. 

_Bill: Gustav and I will be there soon, David is driving us in his car._

He doesn't reply back, his focus is entirely on Tom's condition, which hasn't improved. He's still under the evil hands of his seizure. When they arrive at the hospital, Georg is confined to the lobby with nothing but the memory of his blue lipped, shaking fiancé staining his mind.

•••••••••

It's been a couple hours, Tom's seizure was stopped with a few injected anti convulsant medications. Georg is holding his hand and trying his best to remain strong while looking down at his unconscious fiancé.

“Hey, I brought you some coffee,” Bill says as he re enters the room. 

The younger twin is used to this happening and doesn't really get as panicky as he used to. It still hurts him and it lasted thirty minutes to an hour but he knows that it's been this bad before and there's nothing he can really do about what happened. 

“Thanks,” Georg mutters. 

“So, I wanted to talk to you about something that's been bugging me but I know he won't fucking tell me,” Bill sighs. 

“What?”

“When you guys were here at the hospital and you told me that Tom had food poisoning….what really happened?”

He sighs and looks at the raven haired male. 

“Tom had a seizure, about three actually and I just didn't want you to worry too much about him, your mother told me to just tell you something else.”

“My mother? She's always been hiding shit from me. I know I have a tendency to overreact but I'm not a child.”

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just….this whole thing has been scaring me.”

Georg's head snaps in Tom's direction when he hears him move. He puts the coffee down and rushes to take Tom's hand. 

“Hey, babe, how are you feeling?”

Tears collect in his eyes and he lets out a heart throbbing sob. 

“I don't want to be a part of Tokio Hotel anymore,” he cries. 

“What?”

“I have single handedly ruined my entire career with one isolated incident and I don't want to get up on that stage anymore,” Tom whimpers. 

“Babe, look, the fans will love you no matter what.”

“Sure, they'll love me when I'm covered in my own piss, shaking on the floor.”

Georg clenches Tom's hand tighter. 

“Babe, I won't let them hurt you. You're an amazing guy who has enough love in his heart to open it up to your fans,” Georg sighs. 

“You'd protect me from them?”

“Oh course, Tom. I love you and I don't care what anyone says; not the label or Bill or the fans.”

“I just need some time to myself. This whole thing has me just feeling so….insecure.”

“Do you really?”

“Yes, I do. I fell off stage and in front of all those people who look up to us for strength,” Tom whimpers. 

“Tom, look, I know how hard this is but you have to remember that no matter what, you are an amazing person. Besides, the fans are more worried about you and your health.”

“Are they really?”

“They've been tweeting us all day, Twitter nearly shut down.”

He hands his phone to Tom and the black haired male looks through all the tweets. He couldn't believe the worry that the fans were exhibiting. They sent out dozens of tweets on multiple languages all asking about Tom and wishes that he get well soon. 

“I just need some time.”

“Okay, and we can take that time.”

“You're willing to do that, Georg?”

“I'd like to get some sleep.”

Georg hugs his fiancé and gives him a quick kiss. 

“I love you,” Georg sighs. 

“Love you too.”

*****

It wasn't strange to the bassist when Gustav popped up out of nowhere. He takes the tired man out, who's hesitant about leaving Tom alone again but the guitarist insists that he go. Bill is with him and he's got enough protection from his twin who barely lets him get up from his bed.

They went to a bar to grab drinks and Gustav could see that his cousin was stressed. 

“So the reason I pulled you out here is because I can see those lines of worry on your face, so wanna talk?”

“I'm not really sure what's going on. We went to the doctors and we are still waiting to actually go in and talk about the results.”

“Georg, I have been watching you and Tom's relationship and I have nothing against you two but as your cousin I must ask you, is this really what you want?”

“I love Tom. He's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and I don't ever wanna lose him, not to his epilepsy or to a horrible break up.”

“I know that, cousin. I also know how much Tommy loves you. Bill tells me all the time about how much he gushes about you,” Gustav says before sipping his beer. 

“Bill? You've been spending time with our resident alcoholic?”

“Now that's not fair, Bill has his reasons for hitting the bottle one too many times,” Gustav sighs. 

“For starters you fucked him and he's been messed up and jumpy ever since.”

Gustav puts the beer bottle down on the bar and rubs his eyebrows. 

“How'd you find out about that?”

“Bill got hammered the next night after it happened and pretty much told me,” Georg chuckles. 

_‘Georg, you smell like cilantro,’ Bill slurs._

_‘Uh huh, let's get you to bed.’_

_‘I am such a fucking idiot, I could ruin our band,’ Bill cries._

_‘Bill, drinking is legal here.’_

_‘No, no not the drinking Georg, I did something else,’ Bill slurs._

_‘Something else? Like what?’_

_‘I violated the terms of our contract, I broke the sacred lines of our band like you did with Tom.’_

_‘Excuse me?’_

_‘I fucked Gustav at the house, last night.’_

_‘What?!’_

“Look we both acknowledged that night was a fucking mistake, we shouldn't have even been in that room together or….even that wasted. We just wish it never happened,” Gustav says. 

“I see….well I mean maybe he's moved on to someone else, he has been spending a lot of time in LA and a lot of time partying.”

Gustav chugs the rest of his beer and sighs. 

“Yeah, well that's his problem. He flipped out on me when I defended you and Tom, you know when you guys left without telling us.”

Georg nods and looks down at the bar. Tom's been going through so much and all Georg's done to remedy it is take breaks. He knows that Tom's been putting off doctor's visits because he's worried about the results. How was he supposed to tell anyone that? Hell, he's been going along with it.

The two men get up and leave the bar after paying for the one beer. They part ways in the parking lot and Georg drives home. He finds Bill smoking on the front stoop and there's a mixed drink next to him. 

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“Huh? Oh you're back. Yeah, he's just sleeping on the couch. I needed some air so I stepped out here for a while.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I'll be out of your hair in a few minutes.”

Georg nods and goes into the house. He sees Tom is fast asleep, cuddling a pillow. He smiles at the sight and takes a picture for his phone. The older male slips in behind his fiancé and wraps his arm around his waist knocking the pillow to the floor. He kisses Tom's arm and then nuzzles in behind him. 

“I love you, kiddo.”


	8. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

I am honestly scared to actually go anywhere right now. My body is trembling from nerves and Georg's comforting touch as he drives doesn't do anything for me. I wish I could drive but after the seizure in my car, they took my license until I can prove I've been seizure free for two years. I know you don't understand what's so important about a driver's license, but for me it was sort of a milestone. Years of no control over my body and what it did and finally I had enough of it to gain my license. That's gone now. I don't know what I'm gonna do because I hate feeling helpless. I guess Georg can't see that. 

“Are you nervous?”

“Well obviously, I mean I could go into that place and be told I'm fucking dying.”

“I'm sure it's not that serious, babe. It's most likely something that has to deal with your medication and once they change it, everything will be okay.”

I truly wish I could be as optimistic as Georg. It's not like I wanted for any of this to happen. I've been putting this off and stressing about it. Call me broken if you want but when you think the next words to leave your doctor's mouth mean death you'd avoid it too. 

I remain silent for the rest of our ride and even turn down coffee. I want to just get the bad news now because I'm sick of worrying over it. I think he senses this because he makes sure we aren't stuck in some disgusting waiting room for too long waiting on Dr. Niere. Georg's been my rock for quite a while so I'm very comfortable with him here. He's going to be my shoulder to cry on.

The silence that builds between us in the doctor's office while we wait for her doesn't settle the waves in my stomach either. I feel sick and honestly I know from the time that something bad will be delivered to me once that woman enters the room. 

Dr. Niere enters with a smile, something's wrong. I know it. She's too happy to see me, seems relieved almost. She takes a seat across from us and then opens her folder. 

“Before I start, how are you feeling?”

“Stressed,” I answer in one word. 

“And how have the seizures been?”

“Still as frequent as our last visit,” Georg sighs. 

“Well, I hope we can fix that. Now on to the results of the test.”

She puts a holographic photo of my brain on a monitor and turns on the light. I don't know what it's supposed to show but I'm sure she'll explain. 

“Tom, your brain was really hard to analyze because of your epilepsy. The techs almost forgot what they were looking for and had to look at it again. What we found is a small blood vessel that's in between the frontal and central lobes.”

“And?” 

“And Mr. Kaulitz, it's creating a focal point for generalization. You see, you've been having smaller complex partial and simple partial seizures. This vessel is acting as a nerve and is creating a direct path for the electrical activity to travel to your brain stem and cause secondarily generalized seizures.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“Well, I'm sure you know the answer,” she sighs. 

I look at Georg and he says nothing to me. I don't know what to do. I could get the surgery but what would that cost me. I'm sure I'll heal but would our label even allow for me to take the time off to do so. 

“How long would the surgery take?”

“About three hours, in which our trained surgeon would go in through the side of your skull, locate the problem and extract it.”

“And how long would healing take?”

“Well, you won't be fully rehabilitated until about six or so months after the surgery. In which your hair will grow back and you'll be speaking more fluently.”

“I'm sorry, you're saying his speech will be messed up?”

“He might misspell words or mispronounce them or even misuse words. He might do all three. It's just a small side effect of brain surgery. Another thing is that you have to understand that this isn't a cure. You'll still have seizures but they'll be infrequent like twice a year or slightly less. And they won't be as violent.”

I look down at my feet, this is a lot to take in. I have to either choose to deal with this fucking problem and have non stop seizures or get the surgery and be shitting in a diaper for six months. 

“Can I think about it?”

“Sure but don't take too long this is the perfect time for us to get it before it causes real damage.”

I stand and shake her hand. I don’t want to discuss it any further. I hope Georg understands this but I know he doesn’t. I can feel this unwanted argument coming up. I get into the car and pull out my phone.

“Georg, I just want to go home and not discuss this, is that okay?”

“Yeah, I know how life changing this could be for you and I know you need time. I could pick up some chinese if you want.”

“No, I just wanna relax at home.”

Georg doesn’t say anything more. He just drives us home and lets me go up to our room and sleep. There is so much going on right now and I need a moment to just get this whole thing settled in my head. I know that right now would not be a good time to get any surgeries with so many appearances coming up and the EMA’s being physically incapable would do nothing but hinder our plans.

I sat quietly in our room, patiently waiting until sleep, befalls me. I just need a moment, a simple moment to decide to suffer in silence or to seek help.

*****

Where is he?! It’s been almost an hour and he hasn’t called or shown up or anything. I’m starting to get worried. Georg tries calming me down but all I can think of is Bill. He’s missing and I don’t know where he could be. We have EMA rehearsal and tomorrow’s the show. He said he’d meet us and nothing.

“Did you reach him?” I ask Gustav who just got off the phone.

“No, he still isn’t picking up.”

As soon as I am about to respond, my phone rings.

“Bill?”

“Is this Tom Kaulitz?”

“Yes? What’s wrong”

“Your brother was in an accident. He’s at Berlin General and he’s okay, there’s one problem though.”

“What’s the problem?”

“He is very intoxicated.”

The group could not have gotten there any faster. Tom’s a mix of angry and worried and stressed. He didn’t quite understand why his brother would get behind the wheel of a car if he was drinking. Bill is reckless but he didn’t think he could be that reckless. Tom approaches the nurse’s bench and rings the little bell.

“How may I help you?”

“My brother, he was in an accident. My name is Tom Kaulitz and he’s Bill Kaulitz.”

“Give me one second, sugar.”

Georg held onto Tom’s hand, hoping to calm him down because he knew how much of a trigger this could be. The nurse smiles brightly and gently leads them down the hall into a room, where the lead singer is. He’s laughing very drunkenly and shoving the nurse off of him.

“I am fine would you back off,” he slurs. 

“Bill!”

“Look, my brother’s here and he’s gonna get you.”

The nurses leave really quickly, leaving only Georg, Tom, and Bill in the room. Gustav stayed behind because he knows how much Bill likes opening his mouth when he’s intoxicated and he already knows that Georg knows what he and Bill did. He didn’t want Tom to find out then it’d never just disappear.

“Bill, what is wrong with you?”

“Nothing, Tomi. I am just happy.”

“Why would you get behind the wheel, drunk!?”

“Uh, cause I had to get to rehearsal. Now stop being a buzzkill, Tomi. I’m fine, the car isn’t though.”

Tom rubs his forehead and takes a deep breath.

“I’m glad you’re okay but, I still can’t wrap my head around you being so fucking irresponsible.”

“Tomi, I wasn’t irresponsible.”

“Yeah, you uh, you were very---uh, shit.”

“Babe, are you alright?”

He shakes his head but Georg can tell from his movements that he's clearly out of it. He can see body is trembling and that he’s fiddling with his shirt. His movements are entirely too involuntary for Georg’s comfort. He somehow leads him over to a chair but Tom won’t sit. He insists on standing.

“Babe, you have to sit down. It’s alright.”

Tom’s eyes are wild and obviously confused. His hands are fumbling on Georg’s like he’s trying to hold them but just can’t. Georg gently brushes Tom’s hair out of his face and kisses his cheek. A convenient nurse walks in to check Bill’s vitals and sees Georg with Tom.

“Is he alright?” she asks.

“No, he’s about to have a seizure. I don’t know how big but he’s really out of it right now. Can you find a doctor or something?”

She nods and runs from the room. The brunette tries the best he can to keep Tom safe. Bill sits silently because even in his intoxicated state, he can tell this is serious. Georg stands defensively next to his fiancé and rubs his shoulder. He doesn't want Tom to seize but he knows there's nothing he can do. His wants mean nothing. Tom's body gets tense and he can see that he's losing the ability to stay vertical. The bassist takes the time to slowly attempt to lower Tom to the floor but the younger male still wasn't letting him. Georg sighs, Tom's stubborn even when he's not aware. 

“Babe, I need you to relax and cooperate with me,” Georg cooes. 

The doctor soon arrives and is shocked that the guitarist is still standing. 

“Is he okay now?”

“No, you can't see it but he's shaking a little in my hands and I feel his knees are buckling but he won't let up.”

“Alright, stay with him, I'll go grab some muscle relaxers and a anticonvulsant.”

He hasn't seen it this bad before. Normally, he has a complex partial and then the grand mal or just a grand mal. But for him to be standing up, trembling and completely incoherent left Georg in a state of confusion and emergency. He didn't know if he should be scared or remain calm as he tries to figure out what's going on. 

Tom eventually comes tumbling down in a mess of jerking limbs and groans. Bill’s hands fumble on the IV and he eventually pulls it out. He stumbles to the door and pulls it open. The singer runs out into the hall and grabs the first doctor he sees and pulls them hurriedly to the room. 

“The other guy went to go grab medication but he's not back yet and my brother is seizing now.”

He looks down and sees Tom's body is rigid and his eyes have deviated left, not focusing on Georg or Bill or anyone at this point. His eyes are shifting up and down but he's not looking at anything. 

“It's okay, honey. You're gonna be alright.”

“Uh, I'll go find the other doctor,” the small guy stammers. 

“Hold on, aren't you a doctor?” Bill asks. 

“I'm a shadower.”

He's rushes from the room, leaving Georg to deal with this alone. Something he's completely used to. He gets his fiancé to his side and grabs the pillow from the hospital bed to put under Tom's head. 

“Just relax, you're doing great baby. I'm here and you're safe.”

Convulsions soon run through the younger male’s body and Georg tries his best to hold onto Tom's hand despite it shaking and jerking out of his grasp. 

“You're doing real good, just remember to come back to me, baby.”

He kisses his twitching face, reminding Tom that he's not alone. The real doctor gets back and leans down next to Tom's convulsing form. 

“This should stop the seizure.”

He injects the younger male with the syringe and empties it into his bloodstream. Georg watches carefully not knowing if they'll take effect in five seconds, five minutes or five hours. He looks down at his watch, the seizure started at 14:45, it's now 14:51. Tom's seizures were getting longer but at least now he is with a doctor in a hospital in case something isn't right. 

Georg snaps out of his daze when he feels Tom's slowing down beneath him. His green eyes scan Tom's body and tries to see if he can see any injury. He looks fine and should be since he didn't hit the ground, Georg lowered him to it. The older male ran a hand on his rib cage to feel for anything that might have happened in the convulsions. Nothing. 

“You're doing great, baby. It's almost over and then we can go home and you can sleep.”

“Home? I think we should admit him being that he had a seizure that lasted more than five minutes.”

“He's going to his doctor soon. This is merely just a result of stress. I’ll take care of him.”

The doctor looks at Georg very skeptically but says nothing about what the brunette just said. He knows that Georg knows more about Tom's condition than he could ever read in a book. He's dedicated himself to not choosing what's been created for generalizing to identify or classify patients. 

“I'll go grab some scrubs for him to change into,” the doctor says. 

Georg merely nods and uses his sweater to wipe up saliva that was running down Tom's face. He was moaning and coughing, the brunette choosing to turn him on his side. He didn't want him to choke. Bill is in the bathroom connected to his room, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He didn't mean to stress Tom out. It just happened without him having much control. Maybe he did enjoy partying a bit too much? No. It's just Tom overreacting. He pulls down his shirt a bit and a large bruise shines in the bathroom light and he can see it. Bill whimpers and catches his cries. 

“Bill, I'm taking Tom home,” Georg calls. 

“Coming.”

He quickly pulls his jacket on, cursing that his high is gone. He didn't know when he first did cocaine but he knew Tom would murder him if he knew.

*****

Nervous doesn't even begin to describe what the boys were feeling. They were performing with very little rehearsals actually clocked in. Bill, as usual, hit the bottle a little bit too much and is a dancing mess in the green room. Tom's nursing a headache that he got from Bill.

The younger twin plops down on the couch next to his brother and lays his head on Tom's shoulder. 

“What's bothering my big brother?”

“My head hurts, just a headache.”

“Aw, am I too loud?”

“Yeah, yeah you are. You are too loud.”

“Sorry, I'll quiet down. Shh, everyone quiet, Tomi has a headache.”

“Thanks for making me the center of attention,” Tom drones sarcastically. 

Bill chuckles and hops up off the couch. He goes to the bathroom, after glancing at the clock and seeing he had only forty five minutes to get ready. Georg takes his place next to his fiance and places a hand on his knee. Tom looks over briefly and then back at the ground.

“You, okay?”

“My head is fucking killing me,” Tom groans.

“You should really start considering the surgery, Tom. I mean, this could mean that the nerve is getting worse.”

Tom nods, he knows what any head issue could mean yet he still didn’t feel entirely ready for brain surgery. He didn’t want his head cut open just yet. He needed some more time to consider what exactly that would mean for him. Sure, he could get the time off but how much time was the question and what would his family think. They’d have to take care of him while he rehabilitated. Georg already has such a huge burden on him and he didn’t want that burden to increase. He pushes Georg’s hand off and goes to his bag. He decides to take a painkiller before the show and his headache becomes debilitating. He still had a performance to think about. He looks back at his band and gives them a slight smile. Georg isn’t buying it but what can he do. Tom won’t want him to worry about him and he doesn’t want to upset his fiance. They walk out together and only separate when they see cameras. As much as they’ve been together, they still aren’t outed. 

“Are you guys ready for the EMA’s because I am so ready,” Bill chirps. 

“Sure, as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“How’s my big brother’s headache?”

“Better, thank you for asking.”

He smiles, obviously drunk and skips off to go bother Gustav. The drummer walks ahead of them when Bill drinks because the singer likes to cling onto him and it makes him worried that Tom will see. Bill was the one who said he didn’t want anyone to know yet he makes it pretty obvious that they slept together. All the dick jokes and all the constant touching. He shrugs him off and Bill looks at the drummer with a confused glance.

“Why’d you do that, Gusti?”

“Why are you being so fucking clingy? Wasn’t it you who said they no one can know about what happened between us?”

“Oh don’t worry about it. Everyone knows I am like this with everyone. I am like this with Georg and with Tomi.”

“Yeah but you didn’t fuck either of them. Look, if you don’t want anyone to know about us, stop doing this. I am tired of it, shit.”

Bill watches Gustav walk off and he immediately clutches his wrist. The acrylic nail breaks the healed cut and it bleeds all over again. He pulls down his sleeve when Tom walks up to him.

“Hey, is everything alright?”

“It’s fine, he’s just tired, I didn’t mean to bother him,” Bill smiles, “I seem to upset a lot of people these days,” he mutters.

“What?”

“Nothing, Tomi. Let’s just get to our seats.”

Bill walks off and leaves the couple behind. Georg looks at Tom and he knows that the older twin has no idea what’s going on, he knows exactly why the blonde has been so stand offish to the others and to Bill. He’s trying to keep the dirty little secret that was haunting the walls of the twins’ old home. The one that the band would run away to whenever they wanted a break from the fans and from the fame. He was Bill’s first. Georg knew and because of that Gustav is trying really hard to keep Tom from finding out. Or the label, or the media or the fans. He already knows the fans’ dirty little mindset when it comes to fanfiction and he’s seen some of those Billstav stories that make him very uncomfortable. 

“I feel like there’s something going on between them,” Tom smirks.

“Yeah, well it’s for them to figure out, not us.”

The band sits quietly in their seats and watches the assembly line of celebs get up and collect their awards. The stage manager goes to collect the group to tell them to get ready for their performance. Tom’s skull is pounding at this point and he really doesn’t want to perform but he knows that Bill and Georg would immediately worry if he said he wasn’t feeling well. Suddenly to Tom the surgery was looking like a real good deal. He still didn’t know how to tell his family he needed brain surgery. He rubbed his temples and picked up his guitar. The song is only World Behind My Wall, so it wasn’t like he had a crazy guitar solo or had to move around too much. He gets into his spot and they wait for Katy Perry to announce them. 

He zones out the rest of the performance. He has performed this song a billion times and doesn’t really need to actually think about it. Once the song is over and they’ve done their bows, the band immediately gets back to their seat, seeing as they’ve been nominated for the next category. They wipe off their faces and Bill grabs the bottle of champagne from the table before returning to his seat. Tom doesn’t notice. No one does. Georg only notices the stiffening of Tom’s jaw and the constant working of Tom’s fingers on his shirt. The brunette puts a hand on Tom’s leg but doesn’t say anything. They are sitting next to people who don’t know he’s an epileptic and he would rather not make a scene about his fiance having a non convulsive seizure. It ends and Tom looks down at Georg’s hand.

“Is everything okay?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Georg, baby, not tonight, okay?”

“I wish it were that easy.”

“I mean it, we can do this at home but not here, not now, please?”

The bassist nods and looks ahead at the stage. The announcer for their category has gotten up and he’s going the motion of introducing all the nominees. They win for Best Group and they entire band gets up to accept the award. Tom lags behind Gustav and eventually all four members are on stage. The audience claps and they had their proof from the earlier performance. Georg’s eyes also were not on the shiny award and on Tom, who is teetering. His eyes are obviously not on the world around him and he is clearly not in his head. Georg adjusts himself until he’s standing on Tom’s right and half way behind him. 

The guitarist eventually gets his consciousness back and waves with the rest of the band as they leave the stage. Georg wants to pull Tom to the side and talk to him but decides against it. Bill announces an after party that they’ll be having at his hotel room and if they don’t come he’s going to bug them until they do. Tom agrees to hang out for a while and Georg tags along because he wants to look after Tom. They all get back to the room and Bill cranks up the music and busts out all his booze.

“A beer for my Tomi?”

“No thanks, I uh I shouldn’t drink tonight,” Tom says remembering the absence seizures he had.

Tom knows when he’s had an absence or a complex partial because he notices the passage of time. The conversation has either moved on or there’s someone asking him if he’s okay. He used to joke and say he smoked a little too much weed or drank too much. Just to get them to ignore him and not question him. It only works with those who don’t know about his epilepsy of course. 

“Are you sure, Tomi?”

“Yes, Bill, I am very sure. Can we just drop it please?”

“Alright, but my offer still stands. Now who's ready to party!” The singer shouts to the small crowd of people. 

Georg isn't one to be a party person, so he manages to slip away from the party and escape to the balcony. He pulls out a cigarette and sits down on the chair. His green eyes look up at the stars and he tries to search for something that'll tell him that Tom will be okay. 

“Hey, stranger.”

He turns around quickly and sees Bill leaning up against the sliding door holding out a Heineken. Georg waves it away and turns back to his cigarette and dark sky. 

“Oh come on, I can't have both my buddies being Boy Scouts tonight. Tom has an excuse what's yours,” Bill pouts. 

“I'm watching your brother.”

“Ugh! You know how much I hate hearing that.”

The singer plops down next to Georg and leans on his manicured hand. 

“How often have your heard that?”

“Every single day of my childhood. My parents were too busy worrying about Tom to give me the time of day. They only wanted to make sure he didn't get hurt or didn't die or something. I pretty much had to entertain myself growing up.”

Georg looks down at the ground and thoughts flood his mind. He didn't take the time to realize while it frustrates him, Bill has to deal with this until both twins die. The younger twin had to deal with it long before Georg and Tom even were an item. He takes a long pull of the cig and then looks at Bill. 

“How old were you when he had his first seizure in front of you?”

“I was about six or seven, we were playing in the yard, mom went inside to go answer a phone call and daddy….daddy was working….”

_‘Bet you can't beat me to the oak tree!’_

_‘Bill, I can beat your turtle butt any day!’_

_‘Prove it, Tomi!’_

_The two little kids run toward the large tree in their yard. Bill reaches the tree first and turns to see how far behind his brother is. He's worried when he doesn't see him._

_‘Tomi? Tomi where'd you go? Are you mad that I beat you?’_

_He can see something moving in the grass and he runs to go see if it's Tom. The then, seven year old doesn't know what to do when he sees his brother convulsing on the ground._

_‘Tomi?!’_

_He bends down to make sure he's okay but knows that there's something wrong. He gets to his feet and runs into the house._

_‘Mommy! Mommy!’_

_‘Billa? Baby, what's wrong?’_

_‘Tomi, he fell down outside and he's hurt.’_

_‘Take me to him.’_

_He runs out the door with his mother on his heels. She gets down next to her son and gently gets him on his side._

_‘Shh, it's gonna be okay, Tom. Mommy's here and so is Bill. You're doing real good, just remember to breathe.’_

_Bill stands very still not knowing what was even happening to his brother. He grips his shirt and holds back his tears. He's obviously terrified. Sensing this, Simone turns to her son._

_‘Billa, go inside and grab me a towel and call your father. Tell him that Tom had a small fit but is fine, okay?’_

_‘Okay,’ the child nods._

_He runs inside and goes to call his father first._

_‘Hello?’_

_‘Daddy?’ Bill whimpers._

_‘What's going on? Is everything okay?’_

_‘Tomi fell down,’ he whimpers._

_‘Where's your mom?’_

_‘She's with Tomi.’_

_‘Okay, what'd she say?’_

_‘She said it was small but daddy that scared me.’_

_‘I know kiddo. It still scares me. Go help mommy and tell her I'll be home soon, okay?’_

_‘Okay, goodbye.’_

_He hangs up the phone and brings a towel out to his mom._

_‘See, Tomi is alright.’_

_‘Why is he sleeping?’_

_‘He's really tired, baby. I'll take him inside, he'll rest up and be ready to play again.’_

__

“.....and for the rest of the fucking day my mom and dad tried to explain to me what that was and what to do next time it happens,” Bill mutters. 

“Shit….I'm sorry. At least I was old enough to understand, you were just a little kid.”

“Yeah, well I've adapted.”

Bill takes a swig of his beer and looks right at Georg. 

“Hey, thanks.”

“For what?”

“For always being there for my brother.”

“Don't thank me for that.”

“And why shouldn't I?”

“Because I love him and ‘being there’ is just a part of this.”

Bill smiles and softly jabs Georg's shoulder. 

“You're alright,” Bill chuckles. 

The brunette knew that there would never be another moment like this. At least not now.


	9. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

_4 A.M._

Georg could sense something was off. One it's early and he is suddenly wide awake which doesn't add up with the time he went to bed last night. It was a quarter to twelve when he got in bed and it wasn't until about two something when he fell asleep. So he knew that the universe basically told him you need to be awake and aware right now. He sits up in his bed and rubs the sleep from his eyes. He can't see a feasible reason for even being up. 

He looks over at Tom, who's having a restless sleep. He's moaning and groaning and shifting in the bed trying to calm whatever demons were in his head. Georg can't see that Tom's fighting the worst head pain he's ever had and he's still asleep. To anyone not in the guitarist’s head he looks like he's having the routine nightmare. He grips the sheets and soon relaxes after about ten minutes. Georg goes to touch him and Tom's entire body goes rigid. 

“Shit! Babe, it's gonna be alright,” he curses. 

He quickly gets onto his knees and gently pulls Tom away from the bedpost. He had been meaning to remove those. The younger male starts to convulse very violently and Georg is scared shitless. Tom's never had something this stiff or convulsive in front of him before. He brushes the loose hairs from his face and kisses his cheek. He hears chewing and blood soon flows out of his mouth down his cheek and onto the pillow. 

“Shhh, it's okay. You're alright, don't chew up your tongue sweetie, can you do that for me?”

He knows Tom cannot hear him. His eyes are rolled upward and his fingers, lips, and toes are blue. 

“Breathe for me, baby. Please just take a deep breath.”

He glances at the end table clock and sees that it's been about two minutes since the seizure started and Tom isn't showing any signs of coming out of it. 

“Baby, come on. I'm right here, you're safe, just take a deep breath for me, please,” Georg pleads. 

There is no sound besides the ticking clock. Tom's not even squeaking or groaning and making any vocal projections like he normally would. The brunette is upset that this is what woke his fiancé and himself. He'd rather Tom just want to have early morning sex or something of that nature. He 

“Baby, you're really scaring me,” Georg admits, “please just wake up for me. Just pull out and be alright.”

Georg glancing at the clock again and sees that it's been five minutes. He can't leave Tom alone and his phone is nowhere near him. 

“Babe, I'm gonna pull you to the center of the bed, alright? Just stay with me, I have to call for the ambulance.”

It's a struggle but he manages to get Tom's shaking body to a place where he can leave him for a second and not be afraid he's gonna hurt himself. He rushes from the room and grabs the landline off the hook. He dials the emergency number and runs back up the stairs to be with his fiancé. 

“Emergency Services, how may I assist you?”

“Hi, my fiancé is having a seizure, it's been about seven minutes, he's not breathing and I don't know what to do,” Georg says with worry in his tone. 

“Alright, can you tell me your name?”

“It's uh Georg Listing, his name is Tom Kaulitz.”

“Okay, how old?”

“Am I or him?”

“The person having the seizure.”

“Right, he's twenty one,” Georg replies. 

“And is he conscious?”

“No, I just told you that he's currently in the seizure. He's not awake or anything….wait hold on,” Georg puts the phone down because Tom's acting weird. 

“Babe, don't grab at your crotch. It's okay. You're just voiding your bladder.”

He moves Tom's hands away from his area and picks the phone back up. 

“Sorry about that, he's still unconscious.”

“Alright, we've tracked your address, can you tell me anymore about his condition?”

“Uh, he's an epileptic.”

“Does he take any medications?”

“Yeah he takes injections and tablets, I can't quite pronounce the names though,” he admits. 

“Okay, the paramedics should be there soon, don't hold the patient down and try to make sure he stays on his side and keep any and all foreign objects out of his mouth and leave his airway open,” she drones. 

“He's already not breathing!”

“I know but you wouldn't wanna exacerbate the situation. Thank you.”

She hangs up and Georg makes a mental note to report her for the terrible service. 

“Babe, I called the hospital, I know what you told me about hospitals but I have to go against your wishes, you're not well. I know you can't hear me but you're safe, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.”

He kisses his twitching hands and tries his best to calm the younger man down. He holds his hands gently when he starts to jerk even more violently, almost flopping to his back. He notices Tom's normally grey sweatpants have a really serious dark patch starting to spread from his crotch to his legs and down his ankle. 

“It gonna be alright. I know eleven minutes is a long time to be like this but you're safe, baby.”

He feels like he's failing him. Georg gently rubs his legs, hoping to relax the muscles with his touch and stop the guitarist’s ankles from knocking into each other. Tom's pillowcase is soaked in mucus, spit and blood. He wipes the sweat from Tom's face and starts humming one of Tom's favorite songs. He just wants him to stop shaking, to wake up and to be Tom again. 

This tornado of limbs and mucus is not his Tomi. His Tomi is a loud mouthed vegetarian that judges Georg for his healthy choices while drowning his fries in ketchup. He's a person who gets really emotional when arguing with anyone he loves because he just can't stand to be mad at them. He wants to at least put a shirt on him but he knows the no constrictive clothing rule. Then again with the way Tom's limbs are jerking he couldn't get one on him anyway. 

“You hear that, babe. That's the ambulance. They're gonna take you to the hospital, okay?”

He wipes more blood from Tom's face and kisses his cheek. Georg's an emotional wreck when they get to the hospital. He's limited to the waiting room until they can get Tom's condition under control. He wipes tears from his eyes and then looks down at his front. Tom's blood is all over him. He knows that he's gonna have cuts the size of all hell from this. He can't relax. His heart is racing in his chest. He wants to die because he knows how much Tom's been avoiding the one thing that can help him. He should've forced him to get the surgery. 

“Kaulitz?”

He couldn't have moved quicker to meet the doctor at the swinging double doors. 

“Yes, I'm here for him. Is he alright?”

“Very scared, tired and confused. He also appears to be suffering from Todd’s Paralysis but it should clear in 48 hours. I just need to know if there's been anything happening at home?”

“Why?”

“Tom's memory appears to be impaired. When we asked the date he gave us one from roughly a month ago. Now that happens in seizure patients who've undergone some trauma and the seizure helped to repress those memories.”

“Besides his brother’s car accident and a few arguments nothing really has happened,” Georg denies. 

He won't mention the surgery because he knows that Tom still isn't ready. 

“Alright, well come with me, I'll take you to see him.”

He walks back with the doctor and doesn't care that his entire torso is exposed. He doesn't care that he's sure his phone is being blown up at home. Georg's face lights up when he sees Tom laying on the hospital bed. He looks tired but he's not letting himself sleep until he sees Georg. 

“Babe?” Georg says as he enters. 

The brunette rushes over to Tom and holds him close. Well, as close as Tom can with one hand being completely immobile for the next two days. 

“I wanna go home,” Tom whimpers. 

“It's okay, I'll take you home.”

It took about an hour to get him discharged and he was quiet the whole ride home. He fell asleep once they pulled up, so Georg has to carry him up the stairs and up to their room. He could see how bothered the guitarist is once he's awake again later on in the day. 

When offered food, he refuses, the same goes for medication and even sleep. It's obvious he's tired but he doesn't want to close his eyes anymore. He couldn't even sleep peacefully so he doesn't want to sleep at all. Georg sips coffee in the kitchen, willing himself to stay awake and listen out for Tom. He glances at the calendar and cannot believe it's been two days already. He knows that Tom's ailing but he's old enough to make a decision on his own. He can't force him to take medication or to sleep or to even eat. 

He is startled by a heavy knock on the door. The bassist walks over and takes a deep breath when he sees that it's Bill. 

“What is it?” Georg sighs once he opens the door. 

“Where's Tom? I texted him two days ago and he didn't answer me. Is he alright?”

“You flew out here for that? What if he didn't want to respond to you?”

“I mean it, Listing! Where is my brother?”

“He had a really bad grand mal two days ago, he had Todd’s Paralysis on his left side----”

“Again?! Listing, what the fuck are you doing to my brother?!”

“It's not me! Why do you always assume that just because he has an attack I have something to do with it?!”

“He was never like this before! Yeah, when we were kids he had a lot of seizures and Todd’s Paralysis like twice but never like this! His seizures should not be fucking two to three hours long!? It was never this bad, Georg!”

“And how does that correlate with me?! I hate it when he has seizures so why would I purposely make him have them?!”

“You're sick! Do like it when my brother shakes all over you during sex?! I'm sure that's what your sick, twisted mind wants!”

“I'm sick?! What kind of screwed up shit is that?! I would never want that! The one time it did happen, I fucking panicked! You should seriously get your head checked because I---what was that?”

Georg's head looks up at the staircase when he hears a large this sound. He's up the stairs before Bill could even blink. 

“Shit! Bill, call 112, Tom passed out or something,” Georg calls downstairs as soon as he sees an unconscious Tom on the ground. 

He quickly goes to get him off his face and he can see that Tom's clearly out of it. His eyes are crossed and his limbs are stiff. He holds him on his lap and brushes his hair. 

“Shh, you're gonna be alright, I'm so sorry that this is happening.”

He doesn't want to separate from Tom but he has to when the EMTs show up. He holds his hand the whole to the hospital and they link up with Tom's neurologist in the lobby. She pulls Georg to the side and he can't help but look over her shoulder at Tom. 

“Georg, you have to talk to Tom about this surgery. It's no longer something that can be put off any longer.”

Georg is just as stubborn as Tom. He doesn't want Tom to be debilitated or badly affected. He simply nods at the doctor and she sighs. 

“It was a simply fainting spell, so he should be released in about 45 minutes,” she says. 

Georg looks at Bill, he clearly is not in the mood to talk or argue or anything. He knows Tom hasn't told his twin about the surgery. The brunette steps outside to smoke, remembering the pack he has tucked into his pocket. Bill follows him outside and glares at him. 

“Georg, tell me what you did?”

“Nothing, Bill. I'm innocent, something else is wrong and it's up to Tom to talk to you about it,” Georg sighs. 

“I'm supposed to believe that you aren't hurting my brother?! Georg he's having too many attacks and I just know that someone is doing it to him. Even without medication it's not this bad.”

“Bill, I am not hurting him,” Georg takes a pull of his cigarette, “I am just as confused as you.” He denies. 

He knows damn well what's going on. He, however does not want to be the bearer of bad news. He takes another pull and gets slapped by Bill. 

“You're fucking lying and I know it! Tomi will tell me soon enough and I will fucking murder you once he does!”

Georg watches the singer storm back into the hospital and he turns back to face the parking lot. He knows for a fact that Tom isn't telling him what's going on. He probably won't tell him until he absolutely has to. He glances at his watch and gives a sad chuckle. 

“It's not even noon yet.”

He walks back into the hospital and sees Bill signing a form to release Tom. Georg knows that Tom's coming home with him so he's not worried that the twin is filling out the form. He stands behind him and can feel the tension between himself and the raven haired male. 

“Tom wants to go home with you, I don't fucking know why but you had better not kill him or I swear to God….”

“Bill, how many fucking times must I tell you that I'm not hurting him?!”

The singer only glares at him as he puts his signature on the final form. He hands then back and soon Tom stumbles from the emergency ward doors. He gets to Georg's arms when he completely loses his footing and falls. 

“It's alright, I'll take you home.”

Bill only stares at the couple. He's never seen Tom so vulnerable before. He's the strong twin. He's the one who can shut off his emotions and do whatever he fucking wants. To see him so dependent on Georg and knees buckling, it sends chills down his spine. He knows something terribly wrong but there's nothing he can do about it.

Georg holds Tom up and they stand by the taxi call stand. Georg can feel that Tom's trembling in his grasp. 

“Georg….I'm considering getting the surgery.”

“What? Really?”

“Mhmm, it's just….I don't wanna deal with this anymore. I'm tired of just having no control over my body.”

The cab pulls up and Georg helps Tom into it. The guitarist leans his head on Georg's shoulder and takes a deep breath. He can feel that his fiancé is tense beneath him. Georg doesn't say a word the whole ride home. They get out and Tom just wants to sit down with some tea and calm his nerves. He still didn’t feel one hundred percent but he said to the doctors that he was fine and just needed rest, at home, with his fiance. 

He sits down at the island and folds his hands on the counter. Georg looks over at Tom, while reaching for a mug in the cabinet.

“Do me a favor and use honey and not sugar for the tea and add a spoonful of ginger and nutmeg.”

Georg doesn’t respond, he just prepares the kettle to make the tea for the guitarist. He feels sick to his stomach and hopes that the tea will settle that pit. 

“Tom, are you sure about this?”

“About what? Ginger, nutmeg and honey in my tea?”

“No, about the surgery.”

Tom turns in his seat and looks at his fiance. Georg genuinely looks worried and he isn’t even looking at his boyfriend. His back is to Tom and he’s leaning on the counter. His large hands grip the edge of it tightly, as if the simple act is keeping him from losing his mind. 

“Georg, this could mean a better life for the both of us.”

“Why? Don’t you like the way things are?”

“I don’t like having to deal with unpredictability.”

“You don’t have to deal with it, Tom! I am the one who is really going to suffer because of this. You’re getting brain surgery! I am gonna have to take care of you until you can do things on your own and who knows how long that’s gonna take?!”

“Sure, you have to suffer, when I’ll be the one shitting in a diaper for about three months,” Tom scoffs.

“I mean it, you made this decision without talking to me first or even talking to your family! Who is supposed to take care of you?! Who’s supposed to help you in the bathroom? Help you eat? Help you get dressed? Who is gonna have to take the responsibility?! We wouldn’t be in this mess if you would’ve taken your medication like you were supposed to!”

“Are you seriously blaming me right now?!”

“I am tired of it, Tom. I am tired of waking up at 4 in the morning because you’re having a fucking seizure. I am tired of having you be dependent on me when it should be a mutual partnership! I hate that you are so selfish as to think that this surgery means that only you have to deal with the recovery. I have to deal with it too!”

“You know what, Georg….forget it. I am just gonna go up to my room and seize my fucking brains out, there will that make you fucking happy.”

Georg hadn’t meant to seem like he didn’t care about Tom’s health. He is honestly terrified. He watches Tom get up and leave the kitchen, obviously upset by the words that came out of Georg's mouth. He sits in the room and rubs his calloused hands together. He hates fights, he knows that it’s unavoidable but he tries to not get into them. It hurt him a little to hear Georg say those horrible things too. He grips the bed sheets beneath his hands as he has suddenly been hit with a mysterious wave of nausea. He can hear Georg knocking on the door and he wants him to just go away. 

“Go away, Georg.”

“Not until we finish our discussion.”

He rocks back and forth trying to will away the nausea. He doesn’t want to open the door, he wants to keep himself just away from him. 

“Tom, I just want to talk.”

“And I want you….to go away.”

Georg leans against the door and takes a deep breath.

“Tom, please….I didn’t mean what I said.’

He hears a thud and his panic level races.

“Tom? Babe, say something so I know you’re alright.”

He jiggles the handle and tries to open it and nothing. Georg leans against the door hoping to hear something, anything from Tom.

“Babe, please, just say something.”

He cannot hear anything, so he pulls out his phone and dials 112. He quickly tells them the situation and sits down by the door. He doesn’t want to lose Tom. When he thinks about their life, he has really been more of a problem to Tom, oppose to everyone else. He allows people to hurt his fiance and he doesn’t even fight for him. He lets him suffer and then blames him for it. 

The fire department and ambulance shows up and he stands back while they break the door down. Tom is unconscious and bleeding from a small cut on his forehead.

“Tom….” Georg whispers.

He hold his hand tightly the entire ride to the hospital and he kisses his forehead when they rush him into emergency. The doctor comes out about thirty minutes later and she doesn’t look happy. Georg puts his coffee down and they meet halfway at the double doors.

“Georg, Tom’s condition has become critical. The decision for surgery is now or never. I need you to find someone who’s a relative to sign these documents.”

“Sure, I can call his mother or his brother….but neither know about this.”

“Just make the call, or he could die.”

Georg’s green eyes watch her go back into the emergency room and he digs into his pockets to pull out his phone. The conversation with his mother is short and she is on her way immediately. You can imagine Georg’s surprise when Bill shows up….with Gustav? He walks over to them and Gustav gives Georg a quick hug.

“We came as soon as Simone called. How is he?”

“Sick, Gustav. I wish that was there to catch him or something.”

“Unbelievable! You knew my brother needed brain surgery and not only did you not tell us but you let him put it off! How irresponsible can you fucking be?”

“Bill, now is not the time to argue! I am trying really hard right now to not break down in this hospital and lose my goddamn mind! I hurt him….badly and there is nothing I can do to make it up to him and right now is not a good time to remind me that I let him drag it out this far! I am a horrible partner and I know that!”

Gustav looks at his cousin, whose green eyes were red because of his crying. He had never seen the taller male so emotional before. Not when his parents threw him out for being gay. Not when he was forced to be homeless for seven months before he was taken in by Gustav’s parents. Not when he was hit by a car saving his sister when she ran out there. He couldn’t believe that right in front of him, his strong cousin was crying and showing that he was truly hurt. 

“You are not a bad partner, Georg. Bill, for once in your life can you just be on Georg’s side?! I mean, he’s really trying to do everything that he can to protect Tom.”

“Oh please, if he were trying, he would’ve made Tom get the surgery.”

“Eight months,” Georg says simply.

“Excuse me?” Bill scoffs.

“Tom would need up to eight months to a year of care. Care that I would have to provide alone. Care that Tom did not want to burden any of us with. He’d be wearing diapers and dribbling from his mouth. His speech would be incoherent and he’d have to be spoon fed. His head would have been shaved and he would be bald. He didn’t put off the surgery because he just didn’t feel like it, he put it off because he didn’t want to put any of us through that. You’d know that Bill if you paid attention for once in your fucking life to someone besides yourself and if you stayed sober long enough,” Georg states.

Bill stands before Georg, mouth agape and breaths slowly escaping his body. He is clearly upset and Georg can smell him from across the room. He merely turns on his heels and walks toward the door, nearly running his mother down in his heated rush outside. Outside where he took in the much needed air. He pulls out his cigarettes and lights one with shaky hands. He knows how right Georg is. He has been ignoring Tom. He hasn’t been noticing how his mood, personality and just everything has changed. He can’t be blamed though. He’s got a lot on his mind and a lot of shit on his plate.

_‘You think you can just leave my house and take my fucking stash with you?!’_

_‘No Alex, of course not.’_

_‘Shut the fuck up, whore! And who the fuck is this Tom guy you keep texting?!’_

_‘He’s my brother.’_

_‘I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!’_

_SLAP! PUNCH! KICK!_

_The sounds of bones hitting tile floors and cement walls. The sounds of flesh being slashed by glass and pierced by wood._

_‘I’m sorry, Alex! It’ll never happen again!’_

_‘It better not!’_

He cries at the memory and takes another drag from his cig. He walks back in as his mother signs the final paper. She shakes the doctor’s hand and the surgeon disappears beyond the double doors. He stands next to Georg, making the older male turn to face him.

“I’m….I am really sorry, Georg. I don’t….I do not deserve to stand here and yell and judge you for not caring for him when all I’ve done is make shit worse,” Bill whimpers, “all I do is make shit worse!”

Georg watches the younger male storm to the seats and sit down. His makeup runs down his face as he cries and his mother consoles him. Seeing this display makes Georg think of all the things he’s done to hurt his fiance. One of those things was letting the label deny their love. He pulls out his phone without thinking and sees all the posts about people wishing that Tom recover and get well.

_‘Wish @TokioHotel’s Tom Kaulitz luck, my fiance is about to undergo brain surgery. I need him to live so we can get married’ - Georg_

He copies that post and puts in on facebook. The uproar starts seconds after it goes live and he couldn’t care less. He loves Tom and would do anything to protect him. Starting with ending the lies.


	10. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

The past seven or so hours were the most difficult for Georg. His mother has her hopes that Tom would be okay. The brunette watches the doors, anxiously waiting for the doctor to come out and let him see his fiancé. The nail biting started the minute he heard Tom's condition was in critical. He stood the entire seven hours and no one could make him sit. If anything happens….it's his fault he believes. He should've done more to make Tom go get the surgery. He shouldn't have fought with him about it because he had his own insecurities about having them cut his fiancé open. 

Georg rushes over when the doctor walks over in blue scrubs. The rest of the small family walks up as well. She takes Georg's hands and smiles. 

“The surgery was a success. He's resting up in a recovery room and you should be able to visit within the hour,” she informs the family. 

“Thank you so much,” Simone grins. 

The doctor nods and walks back through the double doors. Simone hugs her younger son and kisses his cheek. 

“Tom's okay, Bill. He's really okay.”

“Did you doubt it for a second, mom?”

She hugs him again and cries on his shoulder. They wait outside for a few more moments before they are brought to Tom's room. He's sleeping soundly with gauze around his head. Some of his hair still in tact. He has a medically cut hair cut and looks damn good with it, it's all skrillex style of course. 

Georg didn’t understand how brain surgery required four hours to complete. It was a blood vessel, nothing huge. He sat anxiously in the lobby, ignoring all calls from their record label not wanting to hear them complain about him outing himself and Tom. The fans knew it was Georg because he tagged the posts with his name. They kept calling to curse at the brunette for defying the code of their contract. He long since put the phone on silent and left it on the chairs next to him. 

“Georg….perhaps you should answer them,” Gustav says.

“No thank you. I’ll take the punishment later. For now, my focus is on Tom.”

The double doors swung open and the doctor walks out with her blue scrubs on. He rushes up to her and she takes a deep breath.

“The surgery was successful and he’s in the recovery room. He is sleeping off the pain meds and should be awake soon, however be warned. There may be some damage, temporary but still there.”

Georg rubs his palms on his jeans and nods. He follows her quietly and doesn’t really say anything. He was already warned about the side effects of the surgery. She opened the door and laying on the white bed was his beloved. He had a skrillex-esque hair cut because they shaved one half of his head to get to the surgical point. Georg chuckles a little knowing that Tom’s bound to be angry that they cut his gorgeous hair.

He walks over to the bed and takes his lover’s hand. It’s really small in his own. He hadn’t noticed how much weight Tom lost either. His body slowly lowers into the chair by the bed and he leans his head on Tom’s arm. 

“Can’t wait for you to wake up and then I can see those beautiful chocolate brown eyes of yours.”

His kisses his cheek and rubs his thumb on Tom’s knuckles. He feels squeezing and leans up. Tom’s eyes blink open and he lets out a small moan. He looks at Georg and coughs a little. The brunette gets up and pours Tom some water and brings it to him to drink. 

“How are you feeling?”

“....flem….em….”

“What? Honey, can you repeat that?”

Tom rubs his forehead and moans again.

“Honey, what’s my name?”

“G….grape?”

The door opens and the doctor walks in with a smile on her face.

“How are we doing?”

“He can’t talk to me, what’s going on?”

“Tom, can you tell me where you are?”

He looks at the doctor and takes a deep breath.

“Rabbit hole?”

Tom shakes his head and tears start flowing. The doctor walks over and places a dry erase board in his hands. She sits down on the edge of the bed and places a hand on Tom’s.

“I want you to write your name on this board.”

He looks up at her and then back at the board. With shaky hands, he picks up the marker. Georg stands close to see what he writes down. It was nowhere near his name. He wrote out “Czen”.

“Alright, you get some rest. You just had major surgery and need some sleep.”

The doctor lowers the bed and pulls the blankets up to Tom’s neck. He looks like a scared child that is worried that he upset his mother or father. Georg kisses his forehead and follows the doctor outside.

“He has acute aphasia caused by the surgery.”

“So what does that even mean?”

“It means Tom will have difficulty with speech, reading and writing for quite a while. With therapy he should have a full recovery,” the doctor explains. 

Georg shakes his head and hides his face in his hands. He’s regretting even letting Tom get that surgery. He wishes that he found another way for his lover to get better. Tom can’t talk to him. He can’t hear his beloved call his name or ask him for something. He lost the one amazing aspect of having an outspoken significant other. He storms back into the room and sees that Tom hasn’t gone to sleep. He’s wide awake and Bill is there. He didn’t even see him pass him.

“Georg, what’s wrong with him?”

“Acute aphasia. It should go away once he’s started speech therapy.”

“Wait, so he can’t talk?”

“Oh he can, it’s just he won’t use the right word.”

“Tom, are you alright?” Bill asks.

“....Fly….Fun….Feed.”

It is clear the guitarist is frustrated and doesn’t want to talk anymore. He lays back in the pillows and looks away from Georg and Bill. Bill places a hand on Tom’s arm and the older twin shrugs him off. He can’t face them because he knows that he is officially a burden. He can’t talk, meaning he can’t even communicate on his own. He is fine with the bathing, bathroom and traveling in a wheelchair to avoid vertigo but he is not okay with being incapable of telling people what’s on his mind.

He remains silent as people come to visit him. He doesn’t look at his mother, who takes his hand and kisses it softly. She doesn’t need to hear him speak, she’s just glad to see him awake.

“Georg told me what happened. It’s gonna be alright baby.”

“....Nut….fun….” he groans.

“He meant not fine,” Georg clarifies.

Tom huffs and looks away from everyone. He feels like a helpless child. He has no idea how Georg feels. The brunette is upset he even let this happen. He should’ve told them no but of course, he knew that Tom’s issues outweighed the loss of speech. Bill gently smiles, feeling grateful that Tom’s struggle was finally over. He looks at his frustrated brother and takes a deep breath.

“Once he’s cleared to leave, I am taking my brother and we are going to live in Los Angeles,” he announces. 

Tom looks at Bill wide eyed but knows he can’t even protest. He can’t even form the word no. He looks at Georg and his fiance can see the questioning look in his eyes. 

“Why would you just decide this without talking to me or Tom or anyone first, Bill?”

Bill pulls Georg out of the room and glares at him.

“My brother needs me right now. You’ve done enough. You let it go this long and look at him, he can’t even fucking talk to us. You did this and I won’t let you hurt him anymore. I mean it Listing! I am taking him to LA with me!”

“How are you even gonna take care of him? Look at you! You’re like 45kg and if you aren’t being a lazy good for nothing, you are drinking all the goddamn time!”

“You are very wrong about that Listing!”

“BILL, YOU’RE FUCKING DRUNK RIGHT NOW!”

“STOP YELLING AT ME! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO EVEN RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!” Bill screams. “If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t even know Tom or even have a fucking career!”

“I am sure that something would’ve come my way soon, you alcoholic idiot!”

“Fuck you, Georg!”

“Boys!”

Both men turn around and Tom’s doctor looks at them with a very disappointed look on her face. Georg instantly feels like shit because he knows that she heard everything. They left the door open and and he could see Tom’s face. He was clearly crying. 

“Look, you two, Tom needs 24 hour care from two _stable_ people. If you can’t get it together, I am sure I can arrange a nurse or something?”

“No, no. I’m----we are sorry.”

“Speak for yourself, Listing! I am not sorry for what I fucking said! You did this to my brother! You let him prolong his surgery and now look at him. He doesn’t cry like this! My Tomi is a strong person who doesn’t ever act this way. It’s your fucking fault that he’s like this and I hate you for it!”

Georg goes back into the hospital room and slams the door close. He can’t bare to be anywhere near the younger twin right now. He knows how much he’s fucked up and he didn’t need Bill’s constant reminders. 

“Oh don’t look at me like that,” Bill slurs.

“Why shouldn’t I? That is your brother and you clearly don’t want the best for him,” the doctor sighs.

“I do and that’s why I am taking him to LA with me.”

“Bill….how much time do you spend awake?”

“Excuse me?”

“From what I have been told, you spend a lot of time drinking. How long do you spend awake….sober?”

“I can stop drinking to take care of my brother.”

“Bill, how much have you drank today?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your fucking business, lady! Clearly you fucked something up when you cut into his fucking brain! You did this to him!”

“Mr. Kaulitz, your brother needed brain surgery or his condition would have surely killed him,” the surgeon states.

“You don’t know shit!”

“Fine! I will say this though, he won’t be cleared for flights for the next year. So you can’t take him anywhere!”

Bill huffs and storms back into his brother’s hospital room. He looks at Georg, who has somehow lulled Tom to sleep and he is laying his heavy head next to his fiance’s hand. Bill can still see his fingers moving as he massages Tom’s knuckles. He can’t stand to see them together, so he leaves. Not knowing what to do with himself, the twenty one year old drives all the way to the nearest liquor store and back to his hotel. He sits down on the bed and drinks four whole bottles of vodka before passing out. He didn’t know who he is more mad at, himself or Georg.

*****

Tom’s speech has gotten slightly better. It’s only been seven days and really all he can do is say simple words, one at a time. Georg decides to just only give him yes or no questions until he can form sentences. Tom can walk as well, but only as far as the person holding him is willing to go. His legs are still very weak and he can’t support his own weight. Georg decides to carry him to the car when he’s being released while Gustav grabs his bags and brings them to the car. There are dozens of photographers and fans screaming outside for them but Georg focuses mainly on getting his fiancee to safety. Tom falls asleep almost as soon as Georg buckles him in. He tugs his hat firmly onto his head and draws the blinds on the car window.

Gustav shoots him a thumbs up from the trunk and hops into the back. Georg gets into the driver’s seat and leaves the hospital parking lot. As he drives, he looks over at Tom, whose dark hair is loose and covering ½ of his face. His chest gently rises and falls as he is sleeping. 

“You look upset, Georg, what’s wrong?” Gustav asks.

“I haven’t seen or heard from Bill in a week and I am starting to get worried. I don’t know what he could be up to.”

“Drinking I’m sure. That kid has no handle on his life.”

“I know….but I wonder why? He has such a great career and family that loves him and I know it’s stressing Tom out. These next few months are going to be taxing on all of us. A band hiatus means that Bill has way too much time on his hands to cause mischief and I don’t know what that’ll mean for the group.”

“It’ll mean we have some time to think about our careers and where we wanna take our music and where we are gonna take our lives. Tom needs this more than any of us anyway. He can’t perform if he’s constantly having those fits of his.”

Georg nods his head in agreement and focuses purely on the road. His mind thinks of all the shit he’s about to go through. He talked with the label on Monday and since telling the world about them, their CD sales skyrocketed. The fans are eager to show their support for the couple by purchasing everything they can. The label is still upset about the way he went about outing themselves but they agreed to not drop the band. He pulls into their driveway and parks the car. It’s a very entertaining feat to watch Georg pick Tom up and carry him to the door. 

“Listing, you can put him in my car because I am taking him with me to Los Angeles, where he’ll be safe.”

“Bill, I don’t want to argue with you right now. Tom is really tired and I am putting him to bed.”

The brunette carries Tom up to his room, despite Bill’s protests and tucks him in. He takes off his hat which reveals the scar and the stubbly little hairs that are growing in. His stitches will be removed in a few more days. He kisses his fiance’s cheek and then pulls the skinnier male into the living room.

“Look, you and I need to talk. This whole thing is getting out of control.”

“Then release my brother to me, Listing.”

“Tom isn’t property. I am not ‘releasing’ him to you like some dog. I love your brother and I care about him. You are never sober enough or long enough to take care of him and you know that.”

“As I told that doctor at the hospital, I can stop drinking.”

“Bill, I know that you want to help Tom because he’s your brother, but you need to understand that you are not what’s best for him. You can’t take care of him alone.”

“Shut up! I can take care of my brother! It is my fucking job to take care of him! So give him to me!”

“Oh my god, listen to yourself. Is your brother an inanimate object? No. He is a human being, who needs as much care as possible until he has fully healed.”

Bill looks down at the ground. He doesn’t want Georg to know the real reason he wants Tom with him. He might be safe if his brother were in the house. He grips his cuts on his arms and groans.

“I’ll...stay here.”

“What?”

“I’ll stay here and help you take care of him,” Bill repeats.

“Really? I’m sure Tom will appreciate it.”

“Oh he better. Now look, I don’t want no bullshit happening while I am here. I have a whole life in LA that I am leaving behind.”

“I get it, thank you so much for understanding.”

Bill rolls his eyes and stands up. He doesn’t really wanna talk anymore and he knows he’s gonna get it as soon as he gets back home. Tom is more important though. He leaves without saying anything else to Georg.

*****

Georg wakes up to Tom cuddled into him. The brunette gently kisses his shaved head and pulls him into his body. The guitarist wakes up very slowly and looks up at his lover with a grin on his face.

“You feeling good?”

Tom nods and snuggles into Georg’s chest. 

“I wanted to let you know that Bill agreed to stay with us during the duration of your recovery and we are getting along a little better.”

Tom smiles and kisses Georg on the lips.

“So, since you are feeling a bit better, I was wondering if we could invite Gustav and his girlfriend over and have a barbeque?”

Tom nods and rolls away from Georg. He clutches his pillow and falls back asleep. Georg chuckles and gets out of the bed. He meets a very tired Bill in the hall, crazy hair and all. His glasses are firm on his nose and he looks exactly like his mother. Simone’s genes definitely rubbed off on her kids.

“Good morning, Georg. I only have one question for you, why do you have no fucking coffee?”

“We haven’t been able to pick any up. Tom usually buys our coffee.”

“Ugh, you are useless. I’ll go. Why don’t you go make breakfast and I’ll drive to the store and get coffee?”

“Are you able to drive?”

“Can it, Listing! I have been dry for a week now. It fucking sucks too.”

He walks away from the brunette and goes right out the door. His phone rings and he groans inwardly.

“Yes?”

“Where the fuck are you?”

“My brother got brain surgery and I am taking care of him.”

“Excuse me?! Who told you that you could do that? You think you can just go all willy nilly wherever the fuck you want?! Bitch, I fucking own you!”

“I have to go, I am about to drive a car and I don’t want a ticket.”

Bill hangs up and presses his phone close to his chest. He holds in the tears and gets into his car, putting his phone on silent.

Georg is busy making a meal for himself and Tom to devour and then he is going to dedicate his time to preparing the barbeque. He looks down at his phone and sees that there’s been more tweets of people asking about Tom and him. He doesn’t want Tom to be stressed out. He cleans up and brings the tray of food up to the room. 

“Look what I brought,” Georg smiles.

Tom groans and rolls over….slowly to face the door.

“How about a little breakfast and then we can get ready for the barbeque?”

He puts the tray down on the bed and helps Tom sit up. He sits down on the chair next to the bed and smiles. It’s clear to both of them that Tom doesn’t have the muscle strength to feed himself. Georg picks up the fork and stabs the eggs and brings them up to Tom’s mouth. He doesn’t open it up though. Tom feels like a child and hates feeling like that. Georg puts the metal utensil down.

“Babe?”

Tom shakes his head and looks away from his lover.

“I know it’s tough, honey but you have to let time heal you.” Georg says.

The guitarist looks back at Georg with tears in his eyes. He parts his lips to speak but is interrupted by Bill walking into the room.

“What did you do now?!”

“Nothing!” Georg exclaims.

Bill puts the hot coffee down and sits down on the bed next to his brother. He sees the food and then looks back at his brother. Bill snatches the fork from Georg and puts it into Tom’s hand.

“Feed yourself, Tom.”

Tom looks at Bill and then at Georg. He grips the fork in his hands and brings it up to the plate loads it up with eggs and goes to bring it up to his face but drops it all onto his lap.

“See? Now let one of us help you. Maybe Georg, while I go take a shower.”

The younger twin leaves and Georg picks the fork up. Tom is more compliant with being fed this time because he doesn’t want more food on him. After a shower and getting dressed, Georg brings his fiance out to the yard. Bill has taken the time to set up the grill and put some beers in the cooler. 

“I’ll stay with him, while you go get the meat, Li---Georg.”  
The brunette leaves after kissing Tom on the cheek. Bill sits quietly next to Tom sipping a beer and looking at the scenery of Germany. Tom places a hand on his twin’s and Bill only smiles at him.

“I am only drinking one beer. I know the meaning of moderation.”

“Good….”Tom smiles.

He takes another sip and puts the bottle down. He doesn’t know if Tom can feel his scars or not so he wants to make light conversation to distract him. 

“Georg is so happy to have you here, you know. I don’t think I have seen anyone that happy in their lives. I kind of hate him for it.”

Tom looks over at his brother with worried eyes. Bill wipes away a tear before it falls. His brother has enough on his plate with his surgery and recovery and doesn’t need his problems added on to that. He turns to Tom and shakes his head dismissively.

“Only because he gets to spend _soooooo_ much time with you. Sharing my brother is kind of hard but it should get easier. You know, now that everyone knows about you and Georg.’

“What?!’

“Georg….didn’t tell you, did he? Well….when you went in for your brain surgery, he kind of spilled the beans on you two.”

Tom pulls his hands away from Bill and groans. He is infuriated that Georg would think for a second that wasn’t important information to tell him. He didn’t even discuss with him what that meant for the band. This whole surgery is changing how people treat him and he hates it. Bill has only seen Tom throw one temper tantrum in his life and that was when he was eight and their mother said he couldn’t have cake for dinner. 

Georg reappears and Tom refuses to look at him. Bill only shrugs his shoulders and grabs the cooking utensils from Georg before he drops them. Once they are away from the guitarist, Bill sighs.

“Bill, what happened to him?”

“I kind of, completely on accident, without prior knowledge….toldhimthatyouspilledthebeansonyourrelationship,” Bill chuckles nervously.

“You what?! Bill, he isn’t ready for that!”

“And why not? My brother is fully capable of deciding what he can and cannot handle.”

“Bill, in case your forgot, his skull was cut open and his brain was cut and pieces were removed. He cannot handle hearing something like that, at least not now!”

“I refuse to hold anything back from my brother and you should do the same.”

Georg rolls his eyes and walks back over to Tom. He takes his hands and kisses the smaller knuckles. Tom pulls his hands away and looks the opposite direction.

“Look, I am really, really sorry I didn’t tell you but, I just want you to focus in getting better.”

“I….am….getting….butter…..better.”

“I know that, honey but it’s still a long road for the both of us and this whole relationship drama, it can wait. I don’t care about any of that. I only care about you and what needs to happen for us. We can stress about contracts and labels and bands later, okay?”

Tom looks at Georg and nods. Georg opens his arms for a hug and Tom gladly accepts.He nuzzles into the brunette’s broad shoulders and smiles deeply.

“I love you, Georg.”

A tear rolls down Georg’s cheek, that’s the first fully formed sentence that Tom has said since the surgery and it was used, to him, so beautifully.


	11. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

In the past few weeks, Tom has been making incredible progress. His shaved side is growing back….blonde, something he plans to dye as soon as he can handle the toxic chemicals. Bill has been sober and around the house but also incredibly jumpy for reasons that his brother will never understand. Tom’s speaking more and only occasionally gets confused. Georg still has to help him bathe and get dressed because he experiences bouts of vertigo, common with brain surgery.

The small group of friends sat around watching horror movies, when Gustav just walks into the living room. Georg gently nudges Tom off of him because judging by his cousin’s face something was up.

“Do you think everything’s okay?” Bill asks.

“I don’t know….something could be seriously off,” Tom shrugs.

Georg returns and his face looks really long. He subconsciously messes with his ponytail, something he does to stop tears from falling. He looks at Tom with teary eyes and then sighs.

“My mother, she’s uh, she’s really sick and she wants to see me.”

Bill turns the TV off and looks at Tom.

“The same mother that threw you out for being gay?”

“The same, she’s in a hospital in France. I would have to leave tonight to get there by tomorrow,” Georg responds to Bill.

Tom only gets up and hugs his fiancee, which makes the older man start to cry. He knows how much this hurts him. He has always wanted to rekindle the bond he once had with his mother before….

_“Tom and I are gonna go study, mom.”_

_“Alright, sweetheart.”_

_The young couple goes up to Georg’s room and the brunette closes the door. He pushes Tom down on his bed and the two start making out. He starts pulling his shirt off and Tom stops him._

_“Babe, your mom is right downstairs.”_

_“She won’t disturb us as long as we are quiet.”_

_He pulls the younger male shirt off and resumes the heated make out. He is going to remove his own shirt when the door flies open._

_“GEORG MORITZ HAGEN LISTING! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!”_

_“MOM?! Why would you just walk into my room like that?!”_

_He looks down and see the tray of snacks on the ground. He tosses Tom his shirt and the younger male runs out of the room. It takes about thirty minutes for his father to get home and he doesn’t even know what to say to either of them. He stares at the ground and bites his lip._

_“Georg, your mother tells me you were seen….with a boy?!”_

_“Dad, I don’t----.”_

_“Quiet! How can you even think this would be okay?!”_

_“I’m sorry….I didn’t want you to know because….”_

_“I don’t even want to know why you think your mother and I would support such….disgusting behavior! That’s not natural, son! Why would you sleep with another man?!”_

_“BECAUSE I LOVE HIM, DAD!” Georg cries._

_“Excuse me?” His mother scoffs._

_“All those girls….they don’t do to me what Tom does. He makes me feel so human and so good. I am happy for once in my fucking life!”_

_“What do you know? You are really going to stand there and say you aren’t happy. Look around you! You live in one of the richest towns in Germany! You live in one of the biggest houses. You have a car, expensive clothing and a large bedroom with an even larger bathroom. You live better than all those poor kids you call friends and you aren’t happy?!”_

_“No I wasn’t! Money cannot fill the void in my heart. You two have never loved me. For shit sake mom, you handed me off to fucking nannies from the minute I was born. I know more about the staff here than I know about my own parents. With Tom that’s all different. He listens to me, he talks to me, he takes in interest in me. He cares about my bass playing and about my music and about my dreams. I’d rather be on the farm with Gustav than stay here with you cash cows!”_

_Georg’s father puts his cigarette out in the tray and stands before his son._

_“Pack up your belongings and get out.”_

_“What?”_

_“You heard your father, Georg. It’s bad enough we had to let that little faggot into our house to begin with but I won’t live with one.”_

_He storms up to his room, holding back all his tears and packs his suitcase with all his clothes, jewelry, his bass and his bedding. He doesn’t say a word to either of his parents when he loads everything into his car._

_“Give us an address and we’ll send your furniture to you,” his mother sighs without looking at her son._

_“Fine.”_

_He arrives at his aunt and uncle’s farm three hours out and knocks on the door. Just his luck that it would rain and he doesn’t have an umbrella. The door opens and the red is shocked to see her nephew soaking wet, trembling, and crying. Lucky for the older man, Gustav is sleeping over at the twins’ house. He couldn’t show up there. He didn’t want them to know. Tom would blame himself and he could get sick from the stress._

_“Georg, what’s going on? Are you alright?”_

_“Mom and dad, they….they threw me out.”_

_She cups her mouth and brings him inside. She makes him some tea and sits down at the table with him._

_“Tell me what happened?”_

_He starts crying all over again when he looks up at his aunt._

_“They….they caught Tom and me….you know….kissing and they threw me out.”_

_“Damn it, Celeste! Alright, you can stay here sweetheart. I’ll talk to Link. Everything will be okay. We won’t abandon you, honey.”_

Tom pulls out of the hug and thumbs away Georg’s tears.

“Go to her….I’ve got Billy here with me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhmm, just go.”

Bill and Gustav help the brunette pack while Tom rests on the bed. His headaches are still killer and he felt nauseous, doesn’t stop him from kissing Georg goodbye.

“I love you, Tomi.”

“Love you too,” Tom smiles.

The twins watch Georg’s car disappear into the distance. Bill turns to his brother and concern washes over him. His eyes look so lost.

“You okay?”

“This is the first time since the sugary, I mean surgery, that he’s gone away.”

“It’ll be alright. You’ve got me and you and I can do whatever you want until he gets back.”

Tom nods but doesn’t offer any ideas or move.

“Let’s go inside, you look really pale.”

He brings him into the living room and disappears into the kitchen to make tea. His phone vibrates in his pocket and he swallows hard.

“Hello?”

“You really like trying me, don’t you?”

“Tom still needs me. His fiancee left the fucking country and I have to stay and take care of him.”

“You are seriously gonna fucking get it when your ass get back. Try me and I might fly out there and hunt your ass down,” he growls.

“Look, I have to go. My brother needs tea.”

He hangs up and hides his phone in the drawer. He wipes away his tears and brings two mugs into the living room.

“Here, we go, two mugs of hot lemon tea.”

“You okay? Your eyes are all red and puffy.”

“Wha?! Oh, I squirted lemon into my eyes that’s all.”

Tom sighs and chuckles.

“Always my clumsy Billy.”

Bill sits down next to his brother and sips his tea. It was one of the times where he’s happy that the living room and kitchen are so far apart from each other. 

“So, how have you and Georg been?”

Tom sips his tea and sighs sadly. He hadn’t told Bill about all the fights that he and Georg had been having before his surgery. He only knew that one time when they wouldn’t even talk to each other but nothing preceding that.

“We’ve been okay, since the surgery anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

He bites his lip a little to hold back his tears. 

“We uh, we fought a bunch before the surgery.”

“What do you mean?”

Tom puts his tea cup on the end table and can’t stop the overflow of tears rushing out of his eyes. He hasn’t thought about it until now. Georg was more emotional and willing to fix his relationship with his mother than he was about discussing their numerous arguments where he threatened to leave.

“One night, after our rehearsal before the tour, I had another seizure….during sex. He was stuck inside me for pretty much the whole thing. After I was unconscious he went to think on the balcony. That’s where I found him when I woke up, anyway. I apologized for what happened and he started yelling at me. He blamed me for what happened and he even threatened to leave me. That’s why we ran away to LA. We still argued a helluva a lot there too. We have just been squabbling so much and….it scares me.”

“Tom….”

“This surgery, it has to fix us. I think that if I have less seizures, Georg will love me again. He doesn’t even touch me like he used to anymore. I feel so neglected, that’s why him leaving me to go play nursemaid to his mother is bothering me. Things were getting better between us and now he’s gone again.”

Bill hugs his brother and lets him cry on his shoulder.

“Tom, it’s gonna be alright. I know it’s hard right now but believe me, you two will work.”

Tom squeezes his twin as hard as he can. He missed this Bill. The kind one that was drowned out by the liquor. His other half. He needed him. The guitarist cries himself to sleep and Bill lays him down gently on the couch, pulling a duvet over his shoulders and allows him to rest.

******

The brunette rushes into the hospital room, not having showered or anything. I had been months since he last spoken to and heard from his parents. Since the restaurant incident. His mother laid very….not sickly on the bed. Not a hair was out of place and she looked more upset than anything.

“Mom? You’re alright?”

“Of course, I am! Did this blonde idiot tell you I was on my deathbed?!”

“You have stage 4 lung cancer, aunt Celly.”

“Oh shut up, you are an idiot. I only passed out from a small case of low blood pressure. You didn’t have to run and tell that idiot son of mine! I only called you because I was trying to get a hold of your mother.”

“Mom, I came all this way….left my fiancee who just had brain surgery and that’s what you say to me?!”

“What were you expecting? Me to cry and be all over your fucking dick about seeing you? Georg, I already hate that you turn away from your family to consort with some….faggot musician!”

“His name is Tom and you know that.”

“Does it look like I fucking care?!”

Georg flinches under his mother’s tone and looks at the ground.

“I don’t know why I even came here! You and dad will never fucking change!”

“I didn’t like him when he ruined our family dinner with his goddamn demons and I won’t ever forgive you for leaving us behind to go be with that….abomination and his band of misfits.”

The brunette storms out of the room, leaving Gustav alone with his aunt.

“That wasn’t right of you to say to him, Aunt Celeste.”

“I don’t care what you think.”

“He really cried for you. He was so worried that you would die before he got here and that he would not get the chance to apologize for hurting you. He really loves you and Uncle Henry. I wish you guys would pull the money and the curtain from your eyes and see what you’re doing to your only son.”

“As far as your uncle and are concerned, we have no son.”

Gustav leaves the room and catches Georg outside smoking a cigarette. 

“Hey….”

“I don’t know why I even try. I feel like I left Tom alone for fucking nothing.”

“She’s a bitch and now you know that she’s full of shit and not worth your time.”

Georg flicks his cigarette butt into a puddle and sighs.

“She’s also….my mother. I only get one of those.”

“Nah, you’re lucky. You got two at the loss of one.”

“What do you mean?”

“Simone and Desiree.”

Georg chuckles when remembers that he really did have two new, much better mothers. Simone loved him ever since she saw him for the first time. He hugs his cousin and then walks over to the car.

“Let’s blow this popsicle stand,” Gustav chuckles.

“Dude, no more fifties themed movies for you. You sound like a discount John Travolta.”

Gustav playfully punches his cousin and they get into Georg’s car. He knows it’s a long ride back but at least he’s got a future husband to cuddle with when he gets home.

******

It’s barely 5 am when they arrive. The brunette quietly enters the house and is startled by Bill who saw the car pull in.

“Hey. you’re back early.”

“My mother is still a raving lunatic bitch and even though cancer will take her life she doesn’t care about atoning.”

“Well, we gotta talk anyway.”

“Can it wait? I know Tom missed me and I wanna at least cuddle with him.”

“Tom is actually the topic of choice.”

“Is he alright?”

“He’s fine….physically. But sure as fuck not emotionally.”

“Excuse me?”

“Why in the hell would you blame my brother for having a seizure during sex?!”

“Bill….we already got over that.”

“Oh the fuck you didn’t. You may have brushed it off your shoulder but my brother internalized it.”

“Look, whatever problems that Tom and I have is between us.”

“No, it’s not actually. The minute you hurt him, it becomes my business. You don’t fucking tell him it’s fault and sure as hell don’t tell him you are gonna leave because of it!”

“Bill, this really isn’t your fucking business.”

Bill descends the staircase slowly until he is in Georg’s face. Neither male sees Tom slowly approaching from behind.

“Like I said, once you hurt my brother, it becomes my fucking problem.”

“Our business will never be your goddamn business. Your business is at the bottom of a fucking bottle!”

Bill slaps Georg; Georg punches him right in the jaw, causing a squeak out of Tom, who rushes over to check on his brother. Not before Georg kicks him four times.

“GEORG, STOP IT!”

“He shouldn’t have hit me, stupid little bitch!” Georg spat.

Tom kneels down to his brother’s trembling body and he sees the bruising starting to form on the right side of his jaw.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Are you really gonna fucking defend him? He just attacked me in my own house, he should be lucky that’s all I did.”

Bill can’t speak or move. All he can think of is the name _‘Alex’_. 

“Georg, go to someone else’s house for the day. I cannot believe you’d assault my brother and think I’d be fucking okay with that.”

“Seriously?! All the times he’s tried me and I restrained myself from breaking his bony ass into two, the one time I defend myself, I am the bad guy.”

Georg walks out the door, Tom hot on his heels.

“Georg! What the fuck are you doing?!”

The brunette tosses his keys into the pool and looks back at his fiancee.

“Have a nice life, asshole.”

And with that he walks away, with Tom crying behind him, not looking back.


	12. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

It’s been too long. Tom runs his fingers through his rapidly growing patch of hair. It’s long enough to put in braids again and Bill dyed it black, so he could braid it into his signature cornrows. He isn’t happy though. He dials Georg’s number nonstop and he gets nothing but a voice mail.

“Hey bro, mom’s here.”

“Tell her I’m sleeping.”

“Tomi, you can’t stay locked up in your room. It’s been like 3 weeks.”

“Bill, you wouldn’t understand. You are happily single able to go all willy nilly and have your fun. I need him, I shouldn’t have gotten as upset as I did.”

“Uh hello, he punched me in the fucking jaw and kicked me!”

“After you provoked him!”

Bill rolls his eyes and exits the room. He descends the staircase.

“He isn’t coming out.”

“It’s been weeks, Bill,” the tired mom sighs.

“I know, he’s taking his medication and he’s sleeping, but he’s just….not happy.”

She wanders into the kitchen and sits down at the table, Bill just a few steps behind her. He sits next to his mother and rubs her shoulders.

“Have you tried to find Georg?”

“Mom, newsflash, look at what that….animal did to my face!”

“Bill, it’s barely 10 and you already smell like the goddamn liquor store.”

The younger twin turns away from his mom and grips his body. He couldn’t fucking tell her why and he knew it.

_Guess who is making a trip to Germany for….business. See you tomorrow, bitch_

“Tom’s situation is bothering me and I need a little liquid courage to fucking get through it, okay?”

“Bill, when will you understand that your answers are not at the bottom of a bottle?”

He gets up and goes to the fridge and pulls out his bottle of scotch. He doesn’t listen to his mother protest as he takes a swig from the half empty bottle and sighs. He is gonna see Alex today and no amount of makeup can cover up what Georg did to his face. Alex is gonna have a field day.

“Mom, just focus on your other son, please,” he pleads.

 

*******

Don’t ask the blonde how he found his cousin. He just conveniently walks his dogs by the hotel Georg was staying in. It was strange to see him in pajamas with stubble and his hair not touched. Tom kept his man groomed, I guess. He was stepping out to get fresh air when they “ran” into each other.

“So….how’ve you been?”

“Miserable at best. I miss him, Gustav.”

“Uh, then why don’t you just go home?”

“Because I left him crying, Gustav. I can’t just come back and fucking be there for him.”

Gustav sips his now cold coffee and blows a breath through his lips. He knows that Tom was only angry and didn’t mean what he said and he shouldn’t have reacted the way he did. Tom would never forgive him in his eyes. He’d always be completely irrational.

“I’ve been talking to Bill and he says that Tom really does miss you.”

“Does he really or is Bill just saying that?”

“Cousin, you do realize you knocked that bag of bones half way across a room with one hit and left a considerable mark I might add? Why would he of all people ‘just be saying that’?”

Georg runs his hands through his mop of hair and sighs. He just wanted an excuse to not see Tom at this moment. In his eyes, he did nothing but fuck everything up.

“Can you drive me to the house? I kind of left everything there,” Georg sighs.

Gustav takes his final sip of coffee and stands up, looking down at his clearly miserable cousin. The brunette was silent the whole ride back to his house and didn’t even try to ask Gustav for advice on what he should say or do. He gets out of the car, again saying absolutely nothing. He didn’t even utter a thank you. He took his walk of shame up the paved walkway and knocks very gently on the door, hoping no one would answer. To his shock, Bill answers, clearly intoxicated and dressed.

“Look who it is, Rocky’s knock off cousin, Dumbass,”

“Is Tom here?”

“Yeah, he is and I have half a mind to kill you for hitting me.”

“I just want to talk to Tom.”

“Should I even let you? You have no idea how messed up he was when you left.”

“Don’t you think I was really upset about what I said and what happened between us?”

Bill glares at the older male but eventually moves to the side to let Georg in. The brunette finds his lover sitting in the kitchen, sipping tea.

“Hey you,” Georg says with a shaky breath.

Tom turns around and looks at Georg with teary eyes. Georg opens his arms for a hug and isn’t surprised when Tom gets up and slaps him instead.

“Why would you make me wait nearly a month for you to come back, you asshole!”

Georg pulls him into his body and hugs him tightly. Tom is happy to have his fiance back and doesn’t want to let him go at all. Georg runs a calloused hand over Tom’s hair and kissed his cheek.

“I am so sorry, Tomi. I will never ever leave you again, honey.”

“You don’t know how scared I was to watch you leave this house! Georg, you have been talking about leaving me and you finally walked out of my life and….” Tom gets choked up, “I don’t want to fucking lose you.”

“You won’t, I promise.”

Tom pulls Georg closer to his body and squeezes him as tight as he can. Georg breaks up the hug and smiles at him.

“Let’s do a cheesy movie night,” he suggests.

“That’s really, _really_ random.”

“Sorry, I just hate seeing you so upset.”

“You got me upset, you asshole. You left me at 5 in the morning and tossed your fucking keys into the pool and went God knows where. Georg, I cried for so fucking long that day. I didn’t know if you were coming back and I….”

“Let’s not talk about, babe. So how about you and I just relax and watch horrible movies.”

Tom purses his lips together and nods. He didn’t want to fight with Georg anymore or even dwell in the past. He follows his fiance into the bedroom and he sits down while Georg gets all the snacks out.

“So, I am now leaving. Now that Tom is safe in your arms, I don’t need to be here. Don’t you leave again and don’t you fucking hurt him. I have to go out.”

“Um, okay, Bill. Are you alright?”

“Mhmm, I gotta go though. I should be back later this week for my things,” he slurs.

“You aren’t driving right?”

“Don’t worry about me okay?”

Georg watches the clearly drunk male stumble out of the house. He is shocked by the light outside and pulls his shades onto his face. He checks his bag for his bottle, filled to the brim with vodka. He notices his car and shakes his head. He just stumbles in his heels down the street until he finds a cab and takes it all the way to the address that he was sent. He trips getting out of the cab and stumbles up to the door. He hears the driver yelling at him but he’s too drunk to even care. He knocks on the door and it swings open.

“Well, well, I guess you can follow directions.”

Bill walks inside and is immediately shoved to the ground.

“Did I say you could come inside?”

“Alex, babe, don’t be like that okay. I am here and I want you inside of me. I missed you.”

“Did you? Or did you miss what I can get for you? You fucking junkie.”

Bill laughs as he stands and stares at Alex. He slowly removes his shirt and that’s when Alex slaps the shit out of him.

“Who the fuck touched you?!”

“I was attacked by my brother’s fiance. Are you gonna go beat him up for me?”

“Fuck no! I’m glad he whooped your ass. You need to get your ass whooped, bitch.”

“Baby, look, I can make you feel real good.”

“Yeah for a fix. Get your ass up them stairs and into my bed, ass up, face down.”

 

******

Tom gets all cuddled up with Georg while they watch an old horror movie. The graphics are fucking terrible but he only cares that he’s with his lover. They laugh at all the death scenes because of how fake they look.

“You can clearly see that it’s jello,” Tom chuckles.

“Eh, it was 1982.”

“Oh sure, let’s blame that.”

Georg gets up to grab more refreshments and remembers that he still has to fish his keys out of the pool. He decides to wait until tomorrow. Right now, this is about fixing things with Tom. He brings the popcorn back up to the room with a few sodas.

“You took way too long.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t find the butter for our popcorn.”

Tom leans into Georg and his heart starts to pulsate. They haven’t talked about anything or done anything like this in such a long time. They spent so much time healing and no time talking,

“Georg, I think you and I should talk and stop ignoring the issues between us.”

“Like what?”

“Like us arguing about my epilepsy all the time. Is there something that makes you get so angry at me when I have a seizure?”

“I am not angry at you. I just….it’s hard for me to control my emotions. My parents never allowed me to show any feelings. I cried to nannies and other family members. All I know is explosive anger.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, boohoo me. I don’t care anymore.”

“I know how those limitations must feel. I wasn’t allowed to do shit growing up. My family was so scared that I would have a seizure and die that I didn’t really do anything. Actually, it wasn’t my family persay. It was more my biological father’s family and the people that lived around us.”

Georg pauses the movie and looks right at Tom. The guitarist is a little confused as to why the brunette did that but can’t look away from his eyes.

“Tom, why me?”

“Huh?”

“Why do you stay with me? I am nothing but an emotional, abusive jerk. I don’t deserve you.”

“Georg, I fell in love with your drive. You are just so fucking passionate and you aren’t afraid to say what’s on your mind. You care about me but at the same time you aren’t gentle around me because you think I need to be babied. I just love you, Gee.”

Georg leans in and kisses Tom. They pull apart briefly and Tom smiles.

“Bill won’t be back and I owe you,” Tom chuckles.

 

********

Georg wakes up in a tangle of Tom’s long arms and legs. He kisses the top of his lover’s head and nuzzles into him, waiting for him to wake up. He glances at the clothes that were thrown all over the place and chuckles at the memories of last night. He finally connected with Tom after months of nothing.

Tom’s phone rings and Georg curses to himself when Tom stirs. The dark haired twin rolls away from Georg and to his end table to check the caller ID.

“Mmm, it’s Bill.’

He picks up and hears non stop laughter.

“Bill?”

“Tom? Is this Tom?”

‘Uh, yeah, what’s up?”

“I met someone and I want you to meet him.”

“Bill….it’s 10 in the morning.”

“I know but I really want you guys to meet, so you and goldilocks can meet us at this cool restaurant. I’ll text you the address, ciao.”

Tom groans and sits up. Georg looks at his fiance with great concern. He is clearly frustrated.

“What’s going on?”

“Bill wants us to meet his new man. The only problem is that it’s early and he’s already plastered. I could hear in his voice.”

“Seriously?”

Tom only sighs and gets out of the bed. Bill wants them to meet his new fling, then that is what the plan was. Georg stands outside while Tom showers and together they get dressed and head to the restaurant. The older twin doesn’t say anything, he just sits silently. Georg knows that Tom is clearly worried for his younger brother. The alcoholism has gotten dangerously out of control and no matter what anyone says, Bill refuses to stop drinking.

They pull up to the location and they meet the couple inside. Bill is downing his latest glass of wine and is laughing way too earnestly.

“There they are! Guys, over here!”

It was awkward for the couple to sit with Bill and Alex. Bill is all over him and he is laughing very loudly for someone who is sitting in a restaurant. Tom senses that something is up when Bill seems to be doing everything that Alex tells him to. He is alarmed when Bill flips his hair and exposes a huge purple bruise on the back of his neck that looks like a hand.

“Bro, can you and I go to the restroom really quickly?”

“Take Georg.”

“No, I want you to come with me.”

“If my man says take your boyfriend, then I recommend you leave your brother alone and take your man.”

“Nevermind, I don’t have to go anymore.”

The rest of the meal was quiet and Tom leaves with Georg without saying as much as a goodbye to his twin. He sits in the living room and stares at the black television screen.

“Tomi?”

“Georg, how long has Bill been acting weird?”

“About two years now. After our US debut.”

Tom nods and starts to check his brother’s appearances in LA. Every fucking picture had that guy somewhere. He was in the background or even just there…. ‘Coincidently’. He puts the phone down and looks at his fiance. Tears start to fall and he sobs out loud.

“Babe, what’s wrong?”

“How did I not see it before? That guy, he’s been here the whole fucking time and I know he’s hurting Bill.”

“Shh, it’s okay.”

“No….no it’s not,” Tom sobs. “I don’t feel so good. My head hurts.”

“Wanna go lie down?”

Tom nods and gets up with the help of Georg. The brunette winds up sitting him back down when he feels Tom’s body shaking in his arms. He sits down next to him and sees the twitching fingers.

“Babe, are you alright?”

Tom only closes his eyes and Georg watches his body rock back and forth and his hands shake briefly before he shakes his head and opens his eyes.

“Tom, can you hear me?”

“Mhmm,” Tom slurs.

Georg watches this happen a couple more times before his fiance just leans his head onto him and sighs tiredly. The brunette picks him up bridal style and carries him up to the bedroom. Tom falls asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow. Georg wraps him up in the duvet and kisses his cheek.

“It’s too early for a seizure,” Georg says out loud to himself.

He watches Tom carefully for the rest of the day until his younger lover wakes up a couple hours later and wanders into the kitchen.

“What happened?”

“You had some minor seizure activity, but you are okay now.”

“Bill?! Where is he?”

“With his boyfriend.”

“Call him and tell him to get over here. I have to talk to him in person.”

Georg leads his fiancee to a chair and sits him down. He can see that he’s clearly stressed and needs to rest a moment. The bassist brushes Tom’s hair back with his fingers and tries to calm his erratic boyfriend down. He kisses his cheek and massages his hands.

“Georg, stop pampering me and call Bill over here. Please. I have to talk to him.”

It doesn’t take long for the younger twin to get there after he gets the call. He stumbles into the house and plops down on the couch next to Tom. His twin looks down at him with great worry and disgust.

“Bill, this is fucking serious can you get your ass up?!”

“What’s up, big brother?”

“Bill, I need for you to be honest with me….is Alex….hurting you?”

The twins match gazes for a moment before Bill starts laughing. Tears are flowing from his eyes, he’s laughing so hard. It’s the same laughter that he exhibited at the restaurant. This unnatural sound that clearly was caused by the liquor in his system. It wasn’t his genuine laugh that Tom had grown to know and love from years of hearing his brother’s happy laughter.

“Tom that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Alex doesn’t hurt me, he loves me.”

“Oh come off it. I can see your bruises, Bill. Just tell me the truth and I’ll help you in anyway that I can.”

“And I am telling you that I am not being hurt by him. Look, can you just drop it?”

“I see the lacerations on you and the bruises and you want to sit there and fucking lie to me?!”

Bill pulls a flask from his pocket and takes a long drink.

“I think your brain is broken, Tom. Like I said, he doesn’t hurt me. In fact, we are moving back to LA soon.”

“Bill, you can’t go anywhere with him!” Tom exclaims.

“Says who? You, hop off it Tom,” Bill sneers. “Look, I have to go. I have to pack.”

After watching Bill saunter out, he calls his doctor. He needs to be able to fly and stop Bill from making a huge mistake. She declines his request, he still isn’t fully healed being that it’s barely been 3 months since the surgery. He hangs up the phone and sighs.

“I can’t save my brother.”


	13. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

“Dr. Niere, Tom and I have every reason to believe that Bill is in danger. He is in a relationship with someone who could be abusing him. It’s driving Tom insane and he isn’t sleeping. Please clear him to fly and I promise to take very good care of him.”

“Georg….he isn’t ready for flight. What if something happens? High altitude isn’t good for someone who just had brain surgery.”

“Please, I can’t stand to see my fiance so shattered and hurt and scared and just not himself. This stress is gonna hurt him faster than altitude.”

The tired doctor rubs her eyebrows and sighs.

“Tomorrow have Tom come in for an exam and if the area looks good….I’ll approve the flight.”

He shakes her hand and rushes home. Tom is sitting on the couch sadly strumming his guitar. The brunette grabs some drinks from the kitchen before going into the living room.

“Hey you, I brought some sodas.”

Tom doesn’t really say anything, he just takes the glass bottle and pops off the top.

“I talked to your doctor today and….” Georg trails.

“And?”

“She said that you should come in tomorrow for an exam,” Georg smiles. “If you pass it, she’ll clear you to fly to LA.”

Tom drops his soda and wraps his arms around Georg’s neck. He sobs into his fiance’s neck and also giggles.

“Thank you so much, Georg.”

“It’s gonna be alright. I understand how much you care about Bill and I’ll admit, I am worried too.”

“I know that, I just…..it means so much to me that you honestly want to help me.”

“Why wouldn’t I help you?”

Tom merely smiles and shakes his head.

“Nevermind, I am so sorry for even saying something like that. You always help me. I should really stop being so fucking selfish.”

“Don’t apologize. I think we should just say what’s on our minds from now on.”

“Well, I don’t like the way you toss your shit haphazardly around the house. It makes it really hard to clean this place.”

“You’ve been cleaning?! Tom, you are not supposed be doing any strenuous work!”

“I know, but it gets kind of boring around here. You are either off doing something, like you were today and I need something to do. I just pick up a few things, sweep a little and make the bed, that’s all.”

“No heavy lifting?”

“No heavy lifting, Georg. Scout’s honor.”

Tom looks lovingly into Georg’s eyes and says nothing more.

 

*****

Georg chuckles at how hard it is for Tom to sit still while they configure his head into the right position to check on his brain.

“Another MRI? Dr. Niere, I am starting to get the suspicion that you don’t want me to go to LA.”

“We have to be sure that there isn’t any damage to your brain and we have to be sure that the site is clear and showing significant progress in regrowth.”

It takes a few more hours of different cords and tests for his doctor to approve Tom of flight. Georg is happy that for once in their relationship he’s able to give him something that he truly wants. That pride holds him over the entire trip to LA, Tom being asleep most of the flight except when Georg had to wake him because they were landing. It was in their hotel room that Tom made a horrible discovery.

“WE HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHERE BILL AND ALEX LIVE!” Tom screams in the car.

“We never really asked him what part of LA he would be in. For all we know, they could’ve moved somewhere else," Georg sighs.

“Goddamnit, Georg! Why didn’t we ask him before flying all the way out here?!”

“Maybe because we were so wrapped up in saving him, we forgot about getting that information,” Georg chuckles.

“Great,” Tom huffs.

The couple drives around for about an hour before parking to grab some lunch at Katsuya. Tom is upset that he didn’t know where he could find his brother. Their mother made him promise to keep Bill safe in this world. He couldn’t let her down. He sips his water sadly until he hears a familiar laugh. That soulless one. He looks around the restaurant until he gets eyes on Bill. He is with that animal and some of their LA friends.

He gets up and walks over to their table. Bill looks up at him and smiles.

“Tomi?! Oh my god, it is you! How are you, big brother?!” Bill squeals as he gets up to hug Tom.

“I’m fine, how are you?”

“Just spending time with my baby and all of our friends.”

“Oh, I was hoping to run into you while I was here. I wanted to talk to you.”

Bill glances back at his boyfriend and swallows a little.

“Sure, let’s go outside and uh, talk.”

Bill takes Tom outside and they go to smoke by the side of the entrance. Tom looks at his brother who seems to be skinnier and even more covered up. More bruises to hide.

“So….what’d you wanna talk about?”

“Bill, I am really worried about you. It hurts me knowing that he most likely hurts you.”

“Seriously, Tom? Are you so dependent on me that you have tricked yourself into believing that I am being abused by my boyfriend?”

“Tricked myself? Bill, I can see the fucking bruises.”

“You are delusional. Or was that a part of your surgery? You are so fucking obsessive sometimes.”

“Bill, what are you talking about?! I flew all the way out here to protect you from that asshole Alex!”

Bill flicks his cigarette away and fully faces Tom. He matches his twin’s eyes and sneers.

“Do you think you’re better than me? Huh, is that why you came out here?! To show me that you can get a great person like Georg and I can only have some two bit loser?! You want to make me slip into your delusions too? You want me to feel like I am beneath you. Bill Kaulitz just isn’t good enough to top his epileptic twin brother, Tom!”

“Bill, what the fuck are you talking about?! Have you allowed the booze to rot your mind that much?”

“Fuck you!” Bill says as he shoves his brother into the side of the restaurant, the older twin’s head smacking against the brick exceptionally hard.

He hits the ground flat and Bill runs inside to get Georg.

“Georg, georg!” He screams.

“What?! What is it?! Where’s Tom?!”

“We had a f----fight and I pushed him and he hit his head.”

Georg runs out of the restaurant and to the location Bill pointed to. He finds Tom on the floor convulsing.

“Shh, it’s okay, Tomi. You’re doing real good. You are doing real good. Just come back to me, okay? Come back to me.”

Bill watches in horror because he caused this. He shoved Tom for trying to help him. He only snaps out of it when Georg sighs with great relief.

“He’s coming out of it,” Georg smiles.

Bill doesn't move as he watches the brunette pick his brother up and carry him to their car. He is the reason it happened. He hurt his brother.

“Georg, I didn't mean for….” Bill trails.

The bassist doesn't acknowledge him. He just gets into the car and drives off, leaving Bill all alone on the sidewalk.

Georg watches Tom sleep in the passenger seat carefully. How in the world is he supposed to explain this to his doctor? He tries to think of all the excuses that he could use. He has nothing. He knows that after hearing that Tom had a full blown seizure, she is going to prohibit any more travel for the next year.

Tom wakes up once they're back at the hotel and he looks around the room confused. He doesn't see Georg anywhere. He stands up on wobbly legs and wanders out into the living area of the suite.

“Georg?” He calls.

“Babe? You're awake? How are you feeling?” Georg asks as he walks over to Tom from the kitchen.

“Like I just rode a rollercoaster about a hundred times.”

“I don't know how to say this, but you had a seizure. Bill shoved you and you hit your head.”

“What?! But….the surgery….how could….I don't understand.”

“Shhh, its alright. You're okay now.”

“Georg, its not okay! Dr. Niere will blow a gasket when she hears this!”

Georg is cut off by a knock on the door. He is surprised to see Bill on the other end of it. The younger male looks tired and he's clearly trying to cover a black eye with his large aviator shades.

“I wanted to apologize to Tom for what I said and what I did. I also wanted to tell him that I am going to stay away from him. All I've done is hurt him, I can’t….I can't control my actions anymore.”

“Its because you keep drinking. Bill, staying away from me is gonna hurt worse.”

“No! I’ve made my decision.”

“Did you or did Alex make your decision?”

Bill glares at Georg from behind his dark shades and turns on his heels. He doesn't say a word as he rushes down the hall and out of the hotel.

“Did you do it?”

“Yes, Alex, I cut ties with the only family I had left besides my fucking parents!”

Alex slaps him hard across the face, getting a small squeak from the skinnier male.

“Watch your tone. Do you want a matching broken arm to go with that eye?”

Bill shakes his head and follows Alex like a puppy.

 

*******

Tom doesn't utter a word on their trip back to Berlin. He lost his brother. There’s nothing more to say. He locks himself away in his room to think. He couldn't convince Bill to leave his abusive asshole. Georg tries his hardest to make him feel better. He doesn't know what to say or do. He grips his cup of coffee tightly and sighs.

“Tom, I want you to talk to me,” he says quietly to himself.

He and Tom don't really talk too much in the next coming days. He knows that the guitarist is hurt because he lost his brother. He doesn't have anything more to say. The band is officially on an extended hiatus and he's got no choice but to try and be there for his fiancée. He lays down in bed with him and pulls him into his body.

“Tom, I know its tough but you gotta pull through. Bill is stubborn. It's gonna take him some time to fully understand that we only care about him. At this point there's nothing we can do. We can't help him until he wants to be helped.”

“Yeah, I know. Doesn't make it any easier. I don't want him to be killed before we help him.”

“He won't be. Bill is a strong kid. He'll make it out of this alive.”

Tom snuggles into Georg and sighs. He doesn't know that Tom's upset that it wasn't Bill that he woke up to. He really wanted to hold his twin after his seizure in LA. Bill always is there after major seizures. It didn't matter the distance. He would call or video chat if they weren't together. Bill found ways to contact his brother and check up on him. Those negative emotions fueled the nightmares he had while he slept. He had horrible dreams of him dying or him abandoning him. It put him off his entire day.

He didn't speak to Georg much. Just a simple good morning and then he quietly ate. The two retreated into the living room to watch television. Nothing is really happening for either of them and Georg wants Tom to rest.

_We are here live at UCLA general hospital where lead singer of Tokio Hotel, Bill Kaulitz has been hospitalized after being found unconscious in his driveway. The twenty one year old singer was out with friends last night who said the singer seemed fine last night. He was partying with his rumored beau at the 40/40 club and several other bars…._

Tom yoinks away from Georg and gets absorbed into the screen. His whole world came crashing down. Georg looks over at his fiancé who looks paler than usual.

“Babe, are you alright?”

He quickly holds him when his expression appears to have gone blank. Tom’s movements become involuntary. He's trying to get up and move and he's constantly picking at his clothes. Tom's hands fumble over the rubber holding his hair together. Georg calls his name but nothing. He isn't responding. Soon his body is still, blank expression still stands. Georg lets go of his frame and stares intently at his fiancé.

“Tomi?”

He quickly reacts when he sees that he's going into a full tonic clonic seizure. He lays him down on the couch and gets him in a safe position before calling 112. This would mean he had two grand mal seizures in one month. Not good. It doesn't help that this one is secondarily generalized either. The ride is very tense. Tom's still seizing when they arrive. Georg is restricted to the waiting room of the hospital, biting his nails and suffering at the hands of his own anxiety.

He didn't think to call anyone. He didn't know who he'd call. This is probably the most nervous Georg has ever been. Tom was unconscious and seizing when he last saw him. Not a good memory of your fiancé to have. He tries to rid his memory of the convulsing, rigid limbs and the forced vocalizations; the twitching lips, salivation and rapidly moving eyes, dancing in his sockets. That wasn't Tom. That was his epilepsy.

“Georg?” Tom's doctor calls.

He gets up immediately and meets her halfway at the double doors. She is sporting crossed arms and a confused look in her eye.

“How is he?”

“We are still trying to stabilize him. What the hell happened?”

“We were watching television and we saw that Bill had been hospitalized back in LA and the stress must've triggered another seizure.”

“Another? What do you ‘another’?”

“He had a seizure in LA too because he argued with Bill, who then shoved him and he hit his head.”

“Georg, you do realize how dangerous this is, right? Tom could've had a stroke.”

“I know and I'm sorry. I just want him to be happy. He isn't happy because I've been the worse fiance to him. I didn't protect him or defend him. I let the label overwork him and mistreat him. I let his brother hurt and most of all, when he was vulnerable and needed me, I nearly abandoned him...twice. Dr. Niere, I don't deserve him. This is my fault because I failed him.”

“Look, I know its hard. Believe me, I've been his doctor almost his whole life. He's strong and he'll make it.”

“How long will he be admitted for?”

“Until we've been able to stabilize him, assess his condition, make sure there's no internal damage and he's passed all the necessary tests. It's not looking too good though. Tom's still seizing.”

Georg tries to push that image from his mind while he walks out of the hospital. He's gotta find Bill. He's gotta tell him what's happened.

_“He’s still convulsing. Get me 2cc’s of diazepam.”_

_“Come on, Tomi. Breathe for Dr. Niere.”_

Georg doesn't think of Tom unconscious on a bed, limbs rigid, saliva flowing and soiled pants. He can't think about that. He has to talk to Bill. Knock some sense into him. It’s the only way to save Tom.

He doesn't talk when he flies back to LA; angry to find out that Bill has been discharged and didn't contact anyone. Georg tracks him down and eventually finds his house. The tired, worried brunette bangs on the door and stands back.

“G-Georg?!”

“Bill, we need to talk.”

“About what?”

“Tom.”

“I al-already told him….I'm n-not go-gonna go near ‘im.”

“He’s in the ICU.”

“What?”

“He had a secondarily generalized tonic clonic seizure and seized for three hours. Doctor told me his brain is currently seizing every four seconds. All of this because he saw that you collapsed and were hospitalized.”

“That is not my problem. Look, he needs to stop worrying so much about me.”

“Bill….you have cocaine all over your chest, you're clearly drunk and high and you don't care. What else are you taking?! Is this why you don't want to be near your brother?! To do drugs with your fucking boyfriend! I cannot believe you were so concerned with me hurting Tom when you are doing a very good job of that by yourself.”

Bill watches Georg walk off. He has nothing to say because Georg is right. He steps back inside and is met face to face with Alex. He gets punched square in the jaw and hits the floor.

“How dare you bring attention to yourself?! That's bringing attention to me! Oh you're gonna get it.”

Bill closes his eyes and sighs. After what he did to Tom, he very well felt that this beating is well deserved.


	14. The Drug in Me is You by queen_of_the_unseen

This unconscious shell of a man wasn't my fiancé. Tom is full of personality and attitude and this sack of organs wasn't him. I hold his cold hands sometimes, other times I kiss his knuckles and pray for his eyes to open. I don't like seeing him this way. His face obscured by a tube down his porcelain throat. His eyelashes are so long they nearly touch his cheeks and his hair looks even darker under these heavy fluorescent lights. The wires on his forehead are tracking his brain activity and he's still actively seizing. They had to put him in a medically induced coma and they pull him out of it every six hours to check him. His condition hasn't improved yet.

“Hey, Georg,” a voice says, clearly filled with sadness.

“Bill? What are you doing here?”

“I had to come and see him. How's he doing?”

“Still in status, it's been two days and his brain is still having seizure activity every four seconds. They're gonna give him more anticonvulsants once they've found out what's going on in his head.”

Bill walks over to his brother’s side and holds his hand.

“I did this to you Tomi and I'm sorry.”

“Bill, you can't blame yourself for this.”

“Yes, I can. I hurt him. I'm supposed to be his twin, his other half yet….I was willing to be wrapped up in something else when all I should've done was be here for him.”

“Bill, it's a lot more complicated than that,” Georg sighs.

“But you said---.”

“I know what I said!” Georg snaps interrupting him.

Bill looks at Georg and can see the guilt and regret in his eyes. He's holding onto something. Something is tearing his mind a part.

“Georg,” Bill pries shyly, “what did the doctor say happened?”

“It was too early. The high altitude of the plane ride put a stressor on his brain surgery site and it was only a matter of time before he had a severe seizure. Finding out about you was only the thing that made it happen sooner opposed to later.”

 “So it's still my fault?”

“No it's mine! I should've made him stay home while I checked up on you or Gustav or anybody really.”

“I love how you say it's not my fault but then you go on to describe how it is clearly my fault.”

“Bill, I am the one who convinced his doctor to let him fly.”

“Yeah because I ran away to LA.”

“The seizure didn't happen because you left Germany. It wasn't emotional trauma. It happened because yet again I've failed at doing the one thing I should've,” Georg says, you can hear the sadness behind his words, “protect him.”

He drops his weight in a chair and covers his face with his hands. His shoulders tremble first and then Bill can hear the whimpers and cries escape the muscular male. That's when Bill takes in his appearance. Uncombed hair; torn and stained shirt; oddly loose fitting jeans; and mismatched….shoes? Bill shakes the thoughts out of his head. Georg is clearly a wreck. He looks tired. Drained. Exhausted. The younger twin crosses over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“I haven't….I haven't eaten, slept or bathed in two….in two days. I just….I just want him to...to wake up. I want him to be alright,” he cries.

“Gee, this isn't healthy. Go to the cafeteria or even better go home. Get some rest, eat, take a shower. I'll be here. Don't worry.”

“I can't leave. What if he wakes up and I'm not here.”

“You said that the doctors are keeping him in a medically induced coma, if they decided they're gonna wake him, I'll call you.”

Georg looks up at Bill and nods.

“Okay, I'll go back to the house. Just please take care of him.”

“I’m his twin. I'm always gonna take care of him.”

He watches the brunette leave and then blows through his lips. His eyes fall back on Tom.

“Well, looks like you've got yourself into quite the pickle Tomi. You're strong. You can fight this.”

Bill takes the chair next to his brother's bed and holds his hand.

“I’m not going anywhere, Tomi. I'm here and I'm gonna stay. Focus on what's important and that's healing.”

His phone rings and he curses the world when he sees Alex's name pop up. He practically kicks himself for even bringing the male with him. He takes a deep breath and answers.

“Hello?”

“Where are you bitch?”

“Still at the hospital.”

“Well hurry the fuck up, my dick ain't gonna suck itself.”

He hangs up and shoves the mobile device back into his bag. His eyes trail back to Tom and his heart races. Tomi. He cares so much about him that he flew all the way to LA against his doctor's wishes to protect him. He did what brothers are supposed to do. His health meant nothing if he had to make sure his little brother was safe. He lays his heavy head on what would be Tom's lap.

“I am _so_ sorry, Tomi,” he whimpers as large tears roll over his nose and connect with the others.

 

×××××

Georg returns to the hospital and is shocked to see the position Bill has taken. He crawled into the hospital bed, careful not to bother the wires, needles and machines, and had fallen asleep cuddled up with his twin. Bill hasn't been himself lately and this is as ‘Bill’ as it can get. The twins used to cuddle up and sleep together whenever one was sick, even when they got older and were on tour.

He hadn't seen this in so long, that he nearly got jealous. Georg had learned a long time ago that no one is as close to Tom as Bill. He was okay with that too. He gently nudges Bill and the younger twin jumps up.

“Careful,” Georg warns.

“Oh shit, I fell asleep. What time is it?”

“9.”

“Oh okay,” Bill yawns.

“....in the morning,” he finishes.

“Oh fuck! I gotta go.”

He gently climbs out of the bed, grabs his purse and stops at the door.

“Georg….I'm gonna stop hurting Tomi. I mean it this time. Just please….give me some time.”

“Alright. I'm always here if you need me.”

Bill nods without turning to face him. The younger male rushes back to his hotel and up to his suite. He slips inside and see that Alex is cutting fruit in the kitchenette.

“Where have you been?”

“I went to see Tom and I fell asleep. I would’ve called but I forgot.”

“You…. _forgot_? Bill, I don't know why you like pushing your luck. Do you like being punished? Answer me when I'm talking to you!”

“Alex….I'm leaving you,” Bill mutters.

“What? Speak up.”

“I am leaving you. I can't do this anymore. I can't be hurt anymore.”

He crosses over to Bill and grabs him by his hair.

“You think you have a choice?”

“Yeah I do. I can't do this anymore! Let me go!”

Alex slams his face into the counter and Bill nurses his wounded nose on the floor. Alex kicks him in the ribs and hips multiple times.

“I don't know what you thought you were going to but you ain't leaving me. You don't have that choice.”

“I am not staying anywhere with you!” Bill screams.

“Really? Well, there's only one way your ass is leaving me.”

He picks Bill up by the hair again and makes the younger male face him. Blood is running down his face from his nose and mouth, a black eye is forming and he is bruising on his sides.

“Now, I say it again, your ass is not leaving me.”

“Screw you, Alex!” Bill spits, blood flies all over his boyfriend's face.

“If that's how you want it, bitch.”

Bill looks down as pain shoots up his body. He sees the knife sticking in him and the hilt sticking out. Blood is forming around the blade.

“Its game over, bitch.”

Alex drops him on the ground and Bill watches him leave in a daze. He needed help. Somehow he gets himself over to his bag and pulls it to the floor. His blood covered hands fumble around in it until he extracts his phone. He isn't sure who's number he calls but once a raspy voice answers he can only mumble out help and a hotel name.

Gustav runs down the busy Germany streets, trying to find Bill. He knows that Bill must've chosen a hotel close to the hospital and that's when he spotted Alex leaving with three other people, Bill not in that group. Anger rises in the drummer and he runs over to him. He draws his hand back and punches Alex right in the face. The taller male hits the ground while his posse stands in silence.

“If you ever come near Bill or any of us, I'll fucking murder you.”

“If you're here to save him, you're too late. I'm sure the little bitch is up there taking his final breath.”

Gustav kicks him in the head and then runs into the hotel.

“I’m looking for Bill Kaulitz’s room, please it's an emergency.”

“I don't have anyone under that name,” the clerk sighs.

“Fuck, how about Vivian? Is there a Vivian Lagerfeld?”

“Yes, room 742.”

He runs to the stairs and runs up to the seventh floor. The door with 742 in gold letters is four doors away from the stairwell. He runs over and sees that the door is locked. He curses the world and sighs. With a strong kick, he forces the door open.

“Bill?!”

He sees the younger male on the ground, bleeding profusely with the knife sticking out of him. He kneels beside him and takes his hand.

“Shh, it's gonna be okay. I know its gonna hurt but I have to move you. Just stay with me, okay?”

He puts him down first and grabs one of Bill's many scarves. Bill groans as he ties the fabric around the knife to stabilize it. He took a first aid class and knows that he shouldn't pull it. He doesn't know the extent of the damage and pulling the knife could mean him bleeding out.

“Alright. I'm gonna count to three. Once I do, I'm gonna pick you up on three.”

He does his count and picks up the singer. Bill's eyes are lulling and the color is faded from his skin but he's alive. He can hear Gustav breathing heavily as he carries him down the stairs and out the hotel. Paps were everywhere but all Gustav cared about was getting Bill to the hospital.

“We’re almost there, just hang on.”

“Gu---Gustav…”

“Don’t speak. Save your energy.”

Bill puts a blood stained hand on his cheek and Gustav looks down at him.

“I….I love you.”

The blonde only smiles and looks ahead. He already knew how the younger boy felt. His mind, however is focused on getting him to a doctor. He sighs audibly relieved when he sees the red cross symbol illuminating in the distance. He picks up speed and runs inside.

“Someone! Anyone! He's been stabbed! Please! Help him!”

A group of nurses come from the back, one with a bed and they take him into the emergency room.

“Gustav?”

The blonde turns and sees Georg holding a cup of coffee.

“Georg? What are you doing here? Is Tom okay?”

“He’s stabilizing. What's up? Why are you here?”

“Bill was stabbed by I'm assuming his now ex boyfriend.”

“Seriously?! How'd you find out?”

“He called me….asking for help. I had to help him,” Gustav replies while looking away from his older cousin.

“Oh my god, Gustav, do you?”

“Let’s not discuss it now. There's so much going on and I'm not in the mood to talk about it.”

“Okay, cousin. Why don't you come with me while you wait for news on Bill? I was just gonna grab something to eat, something to get my mind off of things.”

Georg pulls the drummer to the cafeteria and they sit at a small circular table. They both decided on chicken salad since it seemed to be the safest thing to eat. Georg couldn't help but notice how his cousin picked at the Styrofoam container and didn't touch the food inside. Gustav loved eating. It was his favorite pastime besides playing video games and game fishing.

“Gusti, Bill is gonna be fine. Both twins are strong. I'm actually kinda happy Tom's unconscious. I don't know how I'd explain this to him.”

“You didn't see him, Georg. He was so pale and bruised and there was so much blood….I didn't….I'm over here telling him it’s gonna be okay to convince him to fight and also to convince myself that he's gonna make it. I want to kill that asshole for what he did. He hurt him. He tried to kill him.”

“You saved Bill and that's all that matters. Once he sees you, he's gonna think the world of you. He called you and you came to his rescue. Like his own personal Superman.”

“I don't feel like Superman. Superman saves them before they get hurt. I should’ve been there for him. Instead I acted like a child and ignored him because he called _us_ a mistake.”

“That is Bill for you. He's quite the little, well tall, stubborn young man. He won't admit that he loves you. He definitely won't admit to enjoying having sex with you.”

“I don't care about that. I know he only stayed with that animal because he didn't have me to go to. He knows I would've turned him away.”

“No, you wouldn’t. You love him, Gustav. Just like I love Tom. I'd never abandon him.because I can't. No matter what he does or what I do, I will always be there. The same goes for you.”

Gustav scoffs and then opens the container with a smirk. He knows how right Georg is. He'd come running if Bill called and said he needed help tying his shoe. He felt like he had to be there for Bill. Bill told him how sometimes he felt ignored by his family because of Tom's epilepsy.

_‘Mama, can we play tea party?’_

_‘Not now Billy. Tomi isn't feeling well.’_

_‘But you promised!’ The then six year old whines._

_‘And I said not now. Go play with your other toys.’_

_‘Fine.’_

Both men finish their food and throw their trash away. As they walk out into the lobby, Georg is pulled away by Tom's doctor.

“We are waking Tom up. The seizure activity has stopped. We don't know what that means yet. At least not until we wake him.”

“Okay,” Georg nods, “what should I do?”

“Standby. If Tom's functionally awake then he's gonna ask for you anyway. If not, I'm going to need your approval for any further testing.”

“Of course.”

He follows the woman into the back and stands just outside the door. Gustav is left twiddling his thumbs when a doctor calls him.

“So, how is he?”

“Tired from the blood loss. Luckily no organs were ruptured. The knife only pierced muscle tissue. We stitched him up and he's resting in the emergency room. I wanted to ask you about the bruises and the results of his blood test. Are you his brother?”

“No, I'm his….boyfriend….sorta.”

“Oh, well, who's Tom Kaulitz?”

“His brother, he's already here….unfortunately as a patient.”

“Ah, well I guess I could talk to you then, you'd know the answer to my question. Does he use cocaine?”

“Huh?”

“We found cocaine in his system. Not too much so I'm sure it was used at least three weeks ago.”

“I always assumed there was something he was taking,” Gustav sighs, “I didn't know it was coke though. I always thought it was like weed or something.”

“Well, he had cocaine in his system. Other than that and the several bruises on his body, he's healthy as he can be. A little underweight but nothing to be alarmed about.”

“C-can I see him?”

“Normally I'd have to say no but I'll let you back there. You seem to really care about him.”

“I do. I do care about him.”

He follows the doctor through the double doors and to Bill's room.

“Gustav!”

“Bill, I'm glad you're okay. Really. I missed you.”

“Thank you for saving me. Don't know what I would've done if you had hung up the phone.”

“Bill….I could never hang up on you.”

“You sure had fun ignoring me, Gustav.”

“I just didn't want anyone to know about….you know.”

The singer smiles and pats the bed. Gustav walks over and sits down next to him.

“Bill, I love you. I don't want to lose you. That night replays in my head. I could never ever let anything happen to you.”

“Really? You seemed pretty upset at me,” Bill retorts.

“You were telling me to deny my feelings. Be lucky I was only just upset.”

“You’re right, I'm sorry.”

Gustav wanted to ask about the drugs, Alex and just everything but all he did was pull him into a hug.

“I am the one who's sorry. My ignoring you, sent you into Alex's arms.”

“No, don't apologize.”

Gustav doesn't say anymore he just holds Bill tight in his arms.

 

××××

“Tom, it's Dr. Niere, can you hear me?”

“....wha? Gee?”

“Call in the fiancé. It’s gonna be alright. You were in status for 48hrs but you're alright now. We are gonna bring Georg in. I'm just gonna run some tests.”

Tom groans a little, still slightly dazed from the heavy drugs and the fogginess he gets after a major seizure. She picks up her pen and uses the flashlight end to track his eye movement.

“Follow the light Tom.”

She moves it to the left and then the right, excites slightly that he's making excellent progress.

“Okay, I'm gonna give you a set of words, clock, meat hook, and iota. Now, repeat those words to me,” she directs.

“Clock, meat hook, and iota.”

“Alright, who's the United States president?”

 “Barack Obama.”

 "What year is it?”

 “2009.”

 “Where are you from?”

 “Leipzig.”

 “And what were the three words I told you to?”

 “Uh clock...meat hook...iota?”

 “Alright, I'll leave you and Georg alone. We'll move you to a recovery room soon.”

The doctor leaves and Tom's left alone with his fiancé. He can see the joy glistening in his eyes. Georg says nothing as he walks closer to Tom and takes his hand.

“I missed you,” Georg smiles.

“I missed you too. Bill, where’s Bill? Is he alright?”

“I’m fine, Tomi," Bill says as he limps into Tom's room.

“You’re holding your side. You're also limping. What happened?”

“Alex...stabbed me. I'm okay though.”

“Bill, you have to leave him.”

“I am! I just I have to, to figure out how I'm gonna tell the cops about him. They might not do anything because I only stayed with him for drugs. They could arrest me,” Bill sighs.

“I’m just glad you're okay.”

“Tomi, I am so sorry that I treated you like shit. I should've just tried to escape when you told me to. I really wish I had just listened to you.”

“It’s alright. You're standing right here...alive. That's more than I could ever ask for.”

Thinking back to it, Bill feels dumb for not taking his advice. He could've easily left with Tom, before there was an escalation but the need for drugs made it impossible. He hadn't connected with his twin in so long, feeling his own brother's loving thoughts made tears flow down his cheeks.

“Bill?”

“No, Georg, it's alright. I'm fine. I just hear my brother loud and clear.”

 

××××

Tom is kept for several more days until he's finally released. The doctor makes him swear to take it easy for at least three weeks. He agrees to and leaves happily with Georg. The car ride is quiet. Bill sits in the back holding Tom's hand while both are asleep. Bill’s head leaning on Tom's shoulder as soft snores escape both of them.

“So Gustav, what are your plans?”

“To be honest Georg, I don't fucking know. I might somehow convince Bill to stay with me for awhile. I don't want him to go back to LA and live in that apartment...alone.”

“I truly hope he listens. I don't entirely trust him in that house.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

Georg puts his car into park and looks at Gustav. The blonde looks tired, the way he's subconsciously messing with his glasses. Georg recognizes this behavior from when they were young children. He is used to seeing the blonde fully rested and aware but he knows he's been worrying about Bill. The singer's keeping him up at night.

“Let’s talk when we get inside,” Georg offers.

“Sure. I guess.”

Both men took deep breaths as they prepared their minds and bodies for the journey. They each picked up a twin bridal style and carried them into the house. Once both were sure they were safe, they got comfortable in the living room with a beer.

“Talk to me, Gustav. What's bothering you?”

“I can't sleep, Georg. I keep waking up and seeing Bill all bloody, on the floor, dying with that knife sticking out of him. In some of my dreams, he's actually dead. I don't what to do,” he sighs with deep regretful, anxious, and saddened emotions.

“He isn't dead, Gustav.”

“I know. I saved him but...that doesn't stop the dreams.”

Georg takes a sip from his beer because he knows that struggle. Every time Tom has a seizure he’s scared that he won't wake up. He can't lose him. He looks at his cousin and sees the tears sliding down his cheeks.

“How do you do it, Georg?”

“Do what?”

“Tom...he has constant violent seizures and you...you stay. I remember the first time he had one of his episodes in front of me and I just about shit my pants.”

“Honestly? I have learned to separate epilepsy from Tom. Epilepsy is this entity that takes over once in a while and I know how to handle it so Tom's not hurt by it. It makes it easier to deal with.”

“That makes a lot of sense actually.”

Georg nods agreeingly and leans his head back on the couch. He hadn't vocalized his coping method to anyone. Not even Tom. He looks over at his cousin and shrugs.

“Those twins have singlehandedly made us their own personal bitches,” Gustav chuckles.

“Eh, I wouldn’t say that. More like I'd say they've wrapped us around their pretty little fingers.”

“Little? They're taller than both of us.”

“Yet still smaller.”

Gustav puts his beer to his lips and shrugs his shoulders. He hadn't had the chance to talk with Georg like this in so long he almost forgot that they're family. He missed his cousin. He knew he was busy taking care of Tom, dealing with his own personal demons and trying to help Bill. The brunette took on a lot of responsibilities. He didn’t mean to, but he’s always been one to care about others. He didn’t say much after the conversation ended. He just watched a black screen and thought long and hard. He is gonna marry Tom someday and that would mean he’d have to make a lifelong commitment to take care of him.

 

*******

_‘As I look at my brother, I am happy that he’s happy. He is capable of doing great things and I think he could honestly go pretty far. Even if I don’t go with him.’_

Bill looks at his twin across the table as he is having a not so interesting conversation with Georg about food. Georg is a foodie so he likes food conversations. Bill chuckles when Tom shuts him down because he is honestly no longer interested. His smile drops a little when he notices Tom checks out. He puts his coffee cup down and goes to touch Tom’s hand when he snaps out of it. Bill only smiles at his twin, being reassuring. He can still sorta see the scar from his surgery. Tom’s been dealing with his epilepsy for so long that he’s no longer faded by it. Sure, he gets frustrated and at times wants to just drop from the face of the planet, but everyone has those days.

Bill frowns when he realizes that there isn’t a cure for this. There probably won’t be one for years to come. They cut open his skull and he’s still having seizures. He can be happy knowing that Tom’s bigger fits won’t happen as often as they used to. Tom has potential to be happy and safe.

“Why are you frowning? What’s the matter?” Tom asks.

“Wha?! Oh nothing, I just uh….I thought about Alex.”

Tom shakes his head. Bill listens as his older brother, his twin tells him that he was honestly scared for him. He didn’t know what would kill him first, the alcohol and drugs or Alex. Bill missed when Tom would become their mother and start to lecture him about his safety. He remembers being that rebellious teenager that got caught sneaking out to get his multiple piercings and tattoos.

_‘WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?’_

_‘Out mom, can you seriously not yell at me?’_

_‘How am I supposed to react to my 14 year old son coming into my house at this hour...after sneaking out at this hour?!’_

_Bill rolls his eyes and passes his mother to walk downstairs to his basement bedroom._

_‘Wilhelm Jorg Kaulitz, what is that on the back of your neck?!’_

_The teen stops suddenly and curses himself for not leaving his hair down. He turns back to his mother and sighs._

_‘It’s a tattoo, mom.’_

_‘A tattoo?! You got a tattoo on the back of your neck!’_

_‘Yeah, I did. I believe in my music and this is me branding myself to let the world know that I am not giving up no matter what you or anyone else thinks,’ Bill spits._

_‘Are you crazy?! You know what….I cannot deal with your recklessness. You sneak out and get god knows what done to you! You have fights at school….’_

_‘Those aren’t my fault mom and you fucking know it.’_

_‘I don’t want to hear anymore, Wilhelm. I am so tired of worrying about you and your future! You’re laying your entire life on some bullshit music career!’_

_‘Wow mom, so much fucking faith.’_

_‘It’s not that I don’t have faith in you….I am just worried about where your recklessness will lead.’_

Bill only chuckles when Tom finishes his little speech. He hadn’t been lectured in so long, it is almost refreshing. He takes Tom’s hand from across the table and squeezes it tight.

“I hear you loud and clear, bro.”

Tom hasn’t seen Bill smile genuinely for the past two years either. He knows that Alex, alcohol and drugs all had hands in that but now he’s looking at his brother, sober and smiling. Tom didn’t like losing people. Their parents divorce torn him apart. He refused medication, food and just everything. He didn’t want to live and he was only 7 years old. Their dad was their dad. Sure, Gordon is an amazing step dad but at the time, there was only room for Jorg in Tom’s heart. He looks over at Georg and wonders would the bassist want children. He knew that adoption was an option but only if his fiance was on board.

He also wondered if he would be a good parent. Someone with epilepsy might not be a good parent. He could easily hurt a baby during a seizure. He could easily be doing anything and get seriously injured during a seizure. He has to be careful constantly and he doesn’t know if he wants to live in constant fear. These are conversations that Tom plans to have in the future after the wedding. The wedding he still has to plan. So much work to do and to top it off, they still have a tour to finish. They dropped from the face of the earth and fans were getting worried. He still took the time to look over what the fans have said and they want Tom to take all the time he needs to heal. He also has to plan a public announcement about his health. Georg tried to keep the label and managers away from him but he found out what they wanted.

He had no issues with talking about it but he wish that it didn’t need to happen. They know that Tom’s had brain surgery and that he’s gay and dating Georg. He knows that with all that’s happened in the past few months, he had to say something to the public. Something to calm all the anxious minds. It didn’t make him frustrated to explain his situation but he also didn’t like explaining himself. He felt like people shouldn’t have to settle with explanations. They should only have to explain if it’s something bad. His condition isn’t bad. It’s something he must deal with and he would continue to deal until he decides not to deal anymore.

 

*****

He sits anxiously on the red sofa, Georg on his immediate left. They postponed wedding prep to do an interview with Oliver Pocher. Tom tugs at his shirt a little and takes a deep breath. It’s going to be difficult to tell the entire world that he has epilepsy. The cameras go up and he’s sitting beside Georg, frown lines growing increasingly larger. The host introduces them and then Tom waves at the screaming fans. He spotted the ‘Torg Forever’ signs and is kind of happy they support them. He takes a deep breath when he finally hears that the host has asked him to talk about recent stint in the hospital system.

“Honestly, I cannot tell you how used to emergency rooms and hospitals and ICUs I am. I was not a healthy kid growing up and my seizures were so horribly out of control that I had to wear a helmet and couldn’t go anywhere.”

“So you are an epileptic then?”

“Unfortunately, yes. The brain surgery I just got was to fix a complication caused by my epilepsy. I had a blood vessel that was out of place that generalized my seizures and made them more violent and longer. It was such shit to wake up in pain and confused,” Tom says sadly.

“But it’s alright, I am always going to be there for him.”

The crowd starts off awwing and it escalates to screams. Georg smiles, shyly and pecks Tom on the cheek, getting a louder reaction. Their fantasies were real and it made them so happy. The rest of the interview continued on with more questions about his epilepsy and about his relationship with Georg and he felt comfortable. He hasn’t been this way in a long time. Most interviews are nerve wracking because he had to put up a persona. This one is him in the raw and natural and it was okay to be a little vulnerable. They also made sure to tell the fans that they would be touring again soon just after Tom’s had a bit more time to recover. The cameras click off and Tom sighs with relief.

“Great interview guys. Tom, why didn’t you tell me about your seizures? We are like the best of friends.”

“I know, Oli. I was honestly just afraid you’d think I was a freak. I have such anxieties about people finding out about my epilepsy that telling people makes me think of all the horrid bullying.”

“I would never bully you, Tom. I like drinking with you.”

“Thanks, Oli.”

They talk for about thirty more minutes before Georg reminds him that they have to still search for a venue to hold their wedding. Tom just remained silent as they looked at different places. He couldn’t stand that he hadn’t really talked to Georg. They sorta just planned a wedding without talking about the future. Tom didn’t say much, he didn’t even give an opinion on the venues. He finally decided to say something when they got back to the house.

“Georg, can I talk to you?”

“What?”

“Look, I am really just upset that you and I haven’t talked about _our_ future. We are getting married and….I want children someday. I am just afraid.”

“Tomi, you have nothing to be afraid of. I will always be there for you and nothing can make me change my mind about us. I want kids too and I can’t wait to see where we go as a couple.”

Tom hugs his fiance and feels safe. He finally felt like everything was okay.


End file.
